Young Writers Society

Hi.
I liked your poem.
It rings true to the life of a 'geek' and I love the title! It's inticing!

Now I'm in a bit of a catch 22 here as I loved the way you made it ryhme and kept it relevent to the poem (That's a hard skill to master you know!) but, at the same time, I'm thinking that maybe the rhyme was aq bit forced.
Maybe try writing the poem in a non-rhyming way and see if you like it.

But, hey, that's just my personal opinion.
Thanks for the read,
Woozey

I think you told the story very well. I like the theme and you ended it perfectly. Good job, keep writing!

Ohh and haha! Our state is bigger than "yall's"

I liked it. The twist at the end was good, and the ryhming was okay. It was pretty good, seeing as you just randomly put it together, but the title confused me a bit, but for a geek i guess it was an adventure. overall, cute and quirky. You are right - it isn't deep but poetry doesn't have to be like that. Heck, I read one once about how to find a fairy apple tree man.

I walk down the hall

And approach the door

I step in and wish

I looked at the sign on the door

its good except for that part, the "I step in and wish" part I wouldn't put it there, it just doesn't fit. Now if you put in "I step in" it might make sense but if I were you, I'd find something different to put there.

Keep up the good writing

xoxo,
Jump

I like it, It's quirky and cute, some of the rhyming is a bit questionable.

I assume it's suppose to be lighthearted and not too serious, althought when I first started reading I thought it was! hehe, Until I got on a bit and saw that it was more funny and cutesy.

This made me smile though

Look forward to reading some more

Star xx

Wow I really like your poem, especially the ending. The rhyming is off in a few in a few places but it's not very bad. I really like how you hinted at the ending saying you wished you had looked at the sign on the door. The ending was funny. Great Job!

That was good, and it was quite funny at the end. You should write more funny poetry. I -as well as many others I'm sure- would enjoy that alot.

Keep up the good writing:D

heh. funny.

um, the rhyming's forced and the rhythm is off in various places, but i'm not going to be picky because of i understand that this was just a little ditty you knocked together. cute. really.

hey that was a good poem and it was funny in a cute way -->lol does that make sense? good job!

Hehe!!! I thought this was fun. I don't like to over analyze things so this is short. But I loved the twist at the end... cute. I didn't see it coming. I probably should have. Oh well! One thing I did notice though, what how could he know that it was half past noon if he can barely see? Good job though!

"Bashed me against the bookshelf "

I don't know why but... bookshelf made it seem out of rhythm. Just shelf would be good I suppose.

I don't know if this was supposed to be humourous, if you were in the point of view of a guy walking blindedly into the girls locker room, but I thought this was going to be a serious poem...

Um... the rhyming was kind of bad, but other than that, you should expand on this a little bit... A lot bit.