Dedicated to my dad.....Please fell free to rip it apart. I want it to be good.
You’re my best friend; you have always been there for me.
From little league baseball to the high school softball team,
From my whims of volleyball and cheerleading.
To the troubles of my middle school years
So much of my heart belongs to you, please don’t leave
Make me a promise that you won’t ever break,
[Chorus]
That you'll be there for my graduation day
On my wedding day you’ll be there to give me away,
During college for you to cheer me on
To be here to see your first grandkid
And to never leave, to stay here forever and always.
Last year your heart attack scared me to death
The doctor said it was from smoking and that there was too much stress
You keep getting angry about things that just don't matter
But you keep doing the things you shouldn’t, and I don’t understand
What’s so hard about promising me?
[Chorus]
That you'll be there for my graduation day
On my wedding day you’ll be there to give me away,
During college for you to cheer me on
To be here to see your first grandkid
And to never leave, to stay here forever and always.
My senior year is getting closer now
My four years of high school has blow by so fast somehow
We’re looking at different colleges; you’re giving me advice on how to pick
The right one that fits me, and the one I’ll do the best in
You slip in something about your health like it’s no big deal
But it is to me, and I made you promise me,
[Chorus]
That you'll be there for my graduation day
On my wedding day you’ll be there to give me away,
During college for you to cheer me on
To be here to see your first grandkid
And to never leave, to stay here forever and always.
I remind you every now again,
Of the promise you made me when I was in grade ten
You tell me to stop worrying, that I’m being absurd
When you’re about to slip you’ve kept your word
I graduated in the year of 2008
You were there for my graduation date,
Next April, you’ll be here to give me away
You’ll be there to see your first grandkid
And I hope you stay,
Forever and always.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Thanks for your review Demeter. I get what you mean, I didn't notice that before. I'll be sure to change it up.
Hey, Alyss.
Well, at first I'd like to say that I think you should correct what thunderdude pointed out. A lot of things that I would've said, he already did.
With this stanza, I felt that since the dad obviously means so much to you/the narrator of this song, it seems that just talking about baseball and softball is not enough. There must be a lot of things that are more important and deep, and to give the reader or listener the feeling of the overwhelming love, you should add more emotion. There is the aspect of troubles in the middle school years, but after that sports overload, it just feels out of place. Think of the important moments when your father has been there for you; there must be more. Only with that volleyball thing and whatnot, you're being kind of one-dimensional. I hope you got the idea, I'm not the best explainer
Other than that, and the mistakes thunderdude has alrady corrected/pointed out, I think you've done a pretty good work, especially when lyric writing is not easy by any means. I like how you changed the chorus a little bit in the end.
Thanks for the read! (And PM me with any questions.)
Demeter
xxx
I really like the emotion here. Nice work on that.
Your biggest problem in here is the rhythm. It took me a while to catch it. There are a couple parts that should be adjusted, which I will point out now.
I'm a bit suspicious I read the rhythm differently than you did. I'm really not sure.
Still, you have great emotion. Nice work.
Lyrics... well this is new. To be honest I've never even looked in this section and would not have noticed your work if you hadn't asked me to review it, and it's a good thing you did, because this is good!
While reviewing, I decide to look over it as if it was a poem for the most part, because it's hard to review lyrics if you don't have the music as well.
In my review (attached because I did it in word and hate having to make everything red again when I post) I mentioned a couple of tense errors, but be warned, I've been gravely wrong on that before, I'm not that great at grammar and that is just how it sound best to me.
I warn you, this is my first time reviewing lyrics and I'm not much of a poet either, but I do hope this helps. Good job!