Hey Trident! I'm Arc, here to review!
So, as soon as I read this I thought there were too many starts and stops which made it a bit hard and unpleasant to read. I'm not sure if that was your intention with this piece, but that's what I thought.
Also, it's all generally a bit confusing. I had to read it over a few times but I still was quite unsure for what was going on. Also, I'm not really sure what any of the references are, so yeah, I agree with Snoink it's all just a bit confusing. I think you could fix that easily by just expanding on things.
I noticed that this piece is quite short, I'm not sure if there was some kinda of word limit on it. But I think it definitely just needs to be slightly longer because right now it's all a bit one dimensional. I know, quality vs quantity, but you could write some good quality lengthier pieces (does that make sense, I'm a bit tired xD)
Overall, I did like it. Leave me a PM if you have any questions or want another review on something
Keep Writing!
-Arc
Points: 27927
Reviews: 532
Donate