Young Writers Society

Okay, well to start with I really like the title. It has a lot to do with the way people who self-harm see themselves. And reading the poem basically puts me back in to the moment of an "episode". However, I felt you could have ended it differently but that could just be me. I related with the words and also liked your descriptions.

Hello kazzykay and welcome to YWS!

Cutting is one of those subjects that is really difficult to write well about. Most of it has been done before, so it's almost always cliched. That said, there's some good lines in here.

One cut for her pain,
Another cut for her sorrow
She's in another world now
She wont be back until tomorrow

Hey kazzykay! Welcome to YWS!

Okay! So, obviously I looked at your poem! Ouch! I never quite understood cutting. That is, I know why people do it, but I never understood WHY they did it. If that makes sense. It probably doesn’t. Anyway, I always thought that it was a kind of a sad thing… escapism can occasionally be good, but this level of addiction in the escapism is rather sad.

Anyway! Your poem! One thing that I wondered about was why it was called “The Mind of a Sinner.” It is an absolutely fascinating title, and I kind of am wondering exactly what you mean by using the word “sinner.” As if cutting is equivalent to sinning. It is a fascinating way to look at things, and I really liked how you brought in that word!

Now… the poem! One thing that I think you can really do to improve your poem is to delve into a little bit about what exactly this fantasy that she is living as she is cutting herself is. That way, we can know a little bit about her mind and what exactly is going on while she is doing this to herself. And I think this would be particularly fascinating because — yes! You’re absolutely right! People cut to escape from the world. This is very true. But, it would be more interesting to know where this fantasy world they go to while they cut is. If this makes sense.

Anyway! That is just my two cents, take it or leave it. Of course, you’re the writer, so you call the shots. Good luck! And again, welcome to YWS! If you have any questions about anything I just said, feel free to PM me. Also, if you have any other questions at all, you can always ask and I’ll do my best to answer.

Hello there ^^

I came to review your poem, though I'm no poet myself.. I will try to do as much as I can.

First of all, I loved the title - it catches my eye right away, and I wondered what it will be about.. To tell the truth, it was not what I expected. I thought I will see a dark poem - well, dark in a different way - that tells of a crime, maybe even with some fantastic or even religious correspondences... The girl in the poem, well, she's more of a victim that a sinner, is she not? A slave to her own mind, to her own feelings, thinking of her, maybe, as of a sinner, but not really being one in the eyes of the reader. That I don't mean in a bad way - I like the way that is portrayed.

She sits alone in her room, feeling comfort in her corner
She takes out her razor, just your average everyday cutter
She slices into her skin
One cut for her pain,
Another cut for her sorrow

She's in another world now
She wont be back until tomorrow
she escapes reality,
runs away to her fantasy
where the lies she tells herself become the truth,

where everyone listens to what she has to say
and everything is just okay
She returns to the real world,
her arm full of cuts and her eyes without tears
She pulls down her sleeve and rests her head against the wall
she can't wait for the next day
Tomorrow she can cut more

Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem today:)

Firstly i like the emotion put into this poem, i like how we also feel the depression your character is going through and how many people can relate to the reality of this sadness unfortunarely.

However there are some things i'd like to adress and suggestions to your poem.

In this line;

"She takes out the razor, just your average everyday cutter"

I would take our or change the second part because something should set apart this cutter to all the average ones, it would be more effective if you meantioned something in particular about this cutter, what makes her situation different to the average cutter?
Maybe write something like,

"She takes out the razor, the anonymous (or unknown) cutter"
It would make a difference in the sense that most cutters are secretive about cutting.

"She slices into her skin
One cut for her pain,
Another cut for her sorrow
She's in another world now
She wont be back until tomorrow
she escapes reality,
runs away to her fantasy"

This was my favourite part of your poem, it flowed well together, but it was kind of awkward because you used rhyme scheme in the the middle of your poem but don't use rhyme in the other parts? I think in this case it worked well though, otherwise it might have disrupted the poem. Being picky but the grammar aspect, the word "wont" should be won't and after the word reality you could add the word "and" (and runs away to her fantasy)

The sentence "she's in another world now" is awkward because it goes from her cutting herself for certain reasons sorrow pain etc and then she goes into another world, if you word or phrase it differently it might link better.

"where the lies she tells herself become the truth,
where everyone listens to what she has to say
and everything is just okay"

Here its just the phrasing of the words that seem a bit off and some unnecesary words added in. Instead of the word okay, use a different one which describes her belonging or comfort to the fantasy world she's in, there is where she's meant to be secure. Also the first sentence you could leave out "the" it was too many words there. For the second line you could say something like ?
"where everyone has an interest in what she says"


I liked your closing line. Overall this was a really good poem! Hope i didn't sound too harsh, just trying to be helpful If you have any questions or want another review you can PM me or something, keep up the good work!

- Infinity

Wow this is pretty dang good!! Okay So I'm going to review anyways. You think mine is deep!! It does need some punctuation adjustments but I love it. It is sad because people do cut themselves (I have never in my life!!) and I wish they wouldn't because it is wrong. But this is flowing, it is kind of a short story and its explanatory. In almost every sentence your explaining. So you did really good doll, and you need to do more!!