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The Survivor's

by littleauthor


Back story:

BANG! The world around you seems to turn to complete darkness. You run for cover and discover this note.

Go to save haven. You will be safe there.

You wonder where the save haven is when the world erupts around you once again.

Go you idiot! Run!

Says a note that fliesthough the air and onto your lap. You run till can't go any farther. As you approach a large building the road falls into the ground leaving you on a island with this building. Inside you find 9 other people huddling around each other. You join them a began to survive.

Plot:

The world has turned into a waste land and the only safe place is a office building you had found. You are trapped in there with 9 other people varying in ages and races. The building has a gym at the top and a CVS (Drug store) at the bottom these will be very helpful. How are they helpful that's up to you. Your job is to survive as long as you can. There will be deaths, but only you can determine when your character will die. Do your best.

Rules:

There is romances (no sexual stuff though)

No F- bombs (regular YWSrules)

Don't be rude to other people.

Character ages vary from 7-67

Spots:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Note I can add more if we need more space :)

Profiles:

Age:

Name:

Gender:

Where you are from:

Appearance:

Personality:

History (where you where when the world turned to madness):

Relationships:

Other:

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Comments



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1313 Reviews


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Reviews: 1313

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 3:10 pm
Hannah wrote a review...



Hey, this was probably meant to be put in the storybooks section of the website, but I figured a little reviewing of it couldn't hurt anyway, right? So I'll give you my impressions and questions.

The first impression I had, especially because of the piece of paper with the note on it flying perfectly in front of the character's face, was that of a video game. It felt like the opening sequence to a video game, written out instead of animated in front of us. That said, the rest of the opening was a little too vague to work. The world turning black and the world erupting again? What does black mean? All in shadow, or all completely gone from your senses? What does erupt mean? Come back into life from stillness or burn with fire? It's not exactly clear what's going on, and that doesn't let the reader (or potential story-booker) get into the idea of the story right away.

Next, be sure you proofread everything! It's important even in story books, to set a good impression for possible future members.

As you approach a large building the road falls into the ground leaving you on a island with this building. Inside you find 9 other people huddling around each other. You join them a began to survive.


For example, here I think you wanted "and" in the last sentence instead of "a". It's also really awkward to say you approach a large building, you're left with this building. The timeline of the way the sentence is constructed is a little too close and doesn't feel like a real approach. I also don't think "huddling around" each other was the image you wanted. It seems like they're touching and holding each other, but they're strangers, aren't they?

Anywhoo~ I like how open ended this is, and the strategy with the drug store and gym and stuff, too, rings of a video game. The only real thing I'd ask would be what's wrong with the world. Is it zombies or apocalypse? What are the characters trying to survive against?

PM me if you have any questions!

Good luck and keep writing ~




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303 Reviews


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Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:00 am
StoneHeart wrote a review...



Hey man, this looks like it'd make a great SB, just make sure that you post it there, otherwise it will probably be deleted.

Make sure you ask participators to put their responses in spoilers.

Adding some pictures that associate with the story is cool too, it makes people more interested.

I've had an idea for SBing that I thought I'd suggest.
Ask people to post in order, one then the other and the other and so on in order, by turns.

The SB will last longer then I think.

Good luck!




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92 Reviews


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Reviews: 92

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Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:04 am



If you would like others to participate in this, I would suggest putting it in the storybooks.




littleauthor says...


sorry I don't know how, I'm new so could you tell me how?





How to start a storybook? I haven't actually done one, but I'm pretty sure all you do is go to this linkand click the "Start a new topic" button in the upper right, then make a post like the one you have here describing the storybook.




Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash