simply simplicity chapter 2 (improved version)

Salutations.
You have presented an potentially intriguing story here, but I think the main thing you are missing is character. So far, there is nothing about the character to suggest they are interesting or different from anyone else. Try to add something unique about the character early on to catch the reader's attention. This is especially important in this sort of story, where it doesn't start out with much action or excitement.
There are a lot of grammatical mistakes here. I'll go through the story and list as many as I can find:

“HELLO” the voice finally replied, “I HAVE THE MOST ALARMING NEWS” and from the way she was yelling I made out that it could only be my receptionist Clarisse and that she had forgotten to put her hearing aid on, so everyone else seemed deaf to her as well.

There should be a comma after "Hello" and a comma after "news". This sentence is also a bit awkward; I would suggest cutting this sentence up into shorter ones.

“I ASKED HER WHY SHE WAS HERE” she continued “BUT THAT ILL MANNERED YOUNG LADY

There should be a comma on either side of "she continued". Also, I would suggest connecting "ill-mannered" with a hyphen.

I clearly see this comment had deeply upset her, but I just couldn’t hold my laugh, that was a good one.

This is a comma splice; the comma after "laugh" should be a semi-colon or period.

“WELL” she said “I SEE YOU FIND THIS HILARIOUS.

There should be commas on either side of "she said".

A WOMEN

A woman (women is plural).

Honestly speaking I have to agree with my sister when she say’s “awwww little old ladies are just the most adorable organisms in the world”.

I would suggest a comma after "speaking". Also, "says" shouldn't have an apostrophe; it isn't possessive. Also, there should be a comma after "says" and "awww" should be capitalized.

You’re probably wondering how she knew my name, well, since Miranda’s dad, Jacob Clive is holding up ties between his company and the company currently under my possession, the lady is quite familiar with me.

The comma after "name" should be a semi-colon. Also, there should be a comma after "Clive". Also, this is in present tense, while the rest of the story is in past. Make sure to stay consistent.

“Yes, Miranda, it is, oh and good morning.” said I “Please take a seat.”

The period after "good morning" should be a comma, and there should be a period after "I".

She walked cooly towards the chair, sat down, crossing her slim legs, flung her brief case on to the chair beside her in the coolest manner, after which she flung a strand of her glazed fire brunette hair.

That's coolly with two l's. Also, you have a list here but you don't have any "and", which makes this sentence interrupt the flow of the narrative. Either put "and" before "flung her briefcase" or change the "after which" to "and". Also, you used the words "flung" and "cool" (or a form of it) twice each; perhaps reword that to add variety.

I started of cooly, imitating her by flipping my strand of pearl platinum color hair at the back.

That should be "I started off cooly". Also, that should be "pearl platinum- colored hair".

“How’s your dad?”said I

Firstly, this is missing a period at the end. I also think this question is a bit strange, because she never answered his last question. Perhaps cut out the first question of "How may I help you?"

“Me coming here has nothing to do with my dad” she said, then thought for a while by raising her bistre gray eyes to the ceiling, and said “ok maybe, it does have something to do with my father”.

There should be a comma after "dad" and after "said" (the second time) and the "OK" (both letters) should be capitalized. Also, the comma after "ceiling" isn't necessary. Also, "have something to do with my father" doesn't need to be repeated; "OK, maybe it does" sounds better.

Looking at me again she said “Clarkson, I need your help”.

There should be commas after "again" and "said".

Grasping the opportunity of flirting with the dame, I abruptly said, as if launching myself straight at her, “ What is it?!!!?

All of this punctuation isn't necessary. One or the other is best; one of each is OK, but three exclamation marks and two question marks is a little much.

“Well I need a job, here in your company, you see...”she said tilting her head slightly downwards, “ My father wants me to get a job in an advertising company and well I thought that may be you would be the honey to help me” she said with a twinkle of cunningness in her eyes, something I was not so fortunate to interpret.

There should be a comma after "well", the comma after "job" isn't needed, there should be a comma between "said" and "tilting", the comma after "downwards" would be better as a period, there should be a comma after "company", "and", and "well", "maybe" is one word, a comma is needed after "help me", and "cunningness" should be "cunning".

“Oh really” I said with a smirk.

A comma is needed after "really".

Oh come on, what young guy in the right mind wouldn’t allow a chick like that into his company.

This should be a question mark, I think, at the end, not a period.

“Well,” I said pulling my chair upfront “nothin to worry about miss Clive, just give me your documents your graduation certificates..” but she cut me off saying “that‘ s just the problem I don’t have any those fancy decorated papers

There should be a comma after "said", "upfront", "about", "off", "saying", and "problem". Also, I don't think "upfront" is the word you want here (perhaps "forward"?). Also, the periods after "certificates" should be either one period or a comma, "miss" should be capitalized, and "nothin" needs a "g" at the end.

“ Sorry Miranda I’ve worked too long and too hard to get this company working like a well oiled machine, by hiring well qualified workers. It would not be fair to the company or to those workers if I were to hire you”. “Ooh” she replied, with a threatening grin that reveled the dimples below her high cheekbones.

Firstly, there should be a comma after "Miranda" and "Ooh". Also, "reveled" should be "revealed" (I would assume). I would also suggest putting her dialogue in a new paragraph.

“Well listen here Clarkson”she replied, rising from the chair and strutting behind mine “you and me are quite aware of the fact that your company mainly prospers due to the support provided by dad’s company”she said rubbing her well manicured finger on the top of my chair.

There should be a comma after "Well", "here", "Clarkson", "mine", "company", and "said". Also, "she said" isn't really necessary, because the "she replied" carries over when you continue with commas. Also, I would suggest putting a hyphen in "well-manicured".

I knew exactly where she was headed and I knew that would not like it.

There should be a comma after "headed".

I feel sorry for the enamel.

This should be felt; keep tense consistent.

Then she raised her voice a tone higher saying “oh wait! what if that connection were to be cut. Tsk, tsk, oh well that would mean your shares would be broken and your company would fall apart”the she bent down and whispered in my ear in a threatening manner “ now we wouldn’t want that to happen now would we”.

There should be commas after "higher", "saying", "well", "manner", "now", and "happen". Also, "Oh" should be capitalized, "what" should be capitalized, the period after "cut" would probably be better as a question mark, there should be a period after "apart", "the" should be deleted, and the period after "we" should be a question mark. Also, "to a tone higher" isn't really necessary; "she raised her voice" is fine. Also, near the end of the sentence you used "now" twice; perhaps delete one of them.

I swear if this chick wasn’t as pretty as she currently is I would have squashed her head like a pea.

"She currently is" is in present tense; remember to keep that consistent.

Then she smiled and strutted out in the same manner she walked in, the paused for a
moment turned her head and said “thanks so much Clarkson” and continued on out.

That should be "in the same manner she had walked in". Also, I presume by "the" you mean "then", but you used "then" earlier in the sentence, so perhaps put a period instead of a comma after "in" and start out with "She paused..." Also, there should be commas after "moment", "head", "said", "much", and "Clarkson". Also, "thanks" should be capitalized.

My eyes followed her in a gloomy way till the reception when she met with Clarisse again and said “hmph” to which Clarisse responded by sticking her tongue out at her behind her back.

There should be commas before and after "hmph", and it should be capitalized.

I just placed my hand on my eyes looked down and giddily laughed sometimes the silliest things just suck the strength right outta you.

There should be a comma after "eyes" and "down". There should also be a period or semi-colon after "laughed".


One thing I noticed a few times was that you didn't put spaces between words and punctuation such as periods. Make sure to proofread for that sort of thing, as well as for capitalization.
Also, you seem to have a lot of mistakes punctuating dialogue. May I direct you here?

Well, all in all, the story is interesting and has potential to be really good, with this situation set up between these two people, but it needs a lot of grammar corrections and some proofreading. Good luck with the rest of the novel!

Howdy!

I'm going to review your work.

"Hello?" I asked.I felt my forehead wrinkle in confusion

You need to have a space between 'asked' and 'I'.

Honestly speaking I have to agree with my sister

I don't think this makes sense. It would make better sense if you said 'Honesty speaking'

"Me coming here has nothing to do with my dad" she said,

'Said' is a boring word. How did she say it?

"ok maybe, it does have something to do with my father"

'Ok' needs a capital 'o'.

Oh come on, what young guy in the right mind wouldn't allow a chick like that into his company.

This needs a question mark at the end.

"Well" I said pulling my chair upfront "nothin to worry about miss Clive, just give me your documents your graduation certificates.."

'Miss' needs a capital 'm'.

I feel sorry for the enamel.

I really don't think this sentence is necessary.

Then she raised her voice a tone higher saying "oh wait! what if that connection were to be cut.

There needs to be a question mark at the end of this sentence.

Tsk, tsk, oh well that would mean your shares would be broken and your company would fall apart"the she bent down and whispered in my ear in a threatening manner

I think you mean 'then she bent down'.

"now we wouldn't want that to happen now would we".

Once again, a question mark is needed.

I just placed my hand on my eyes looked down and giddily laughed sometimes the silliest things just suck the strength right outta you.

You're in danger of being too chatty here. Stick to formal language when you're not in speech and therefore you should say 'right out of you'. I know you lose the effect but it keeps the tone the same.

It's not bad. The plot seems fantastic but there are still some things you need to look over. Check several times before you submit in future because some of this could have been prevented! But I can't wait to read more!