z

Young Writers Society



of all kinds of "-ships"

by spinelli


[I wrote this maybe 30 minutes ago. What does it mean, what does it mean? Hm, what's to say? Well, here's this.

-spinelli]

The only option now is to become a pirate because a pirate knows how to catch onto the wind and sail away from all the mess of ships that are tethered to the shore. Although a pirate might end up alone, and might already be alone, it does not mean that's the way it has to be- who knows where a pirate might go? These are all acceptable options as long as they do not slow down.

Because what's to become of all these ships? A pirate could hold off on the shore for a while and wait for anything to happen, anything at all, and things might be real nice after it, but that won't make a difference if they never leave the shore.

So a pirate can only be docked for so long until the ocean calls to them because that's what happens to a pirate. There is a freedom in the ocean and in the unknown, and a pirate can only rest for so long without going back out and remembering what's best for them to make them feel alive.

The thing about some pirates though is that not all of them like to be alone. There can be an awfully big difference between loneliness and solitude, and sometimes they can blend into one another like the ocean and the sky. But this, of course, does not mean a thing after all. Because, after all, what matters is how well a ship can float.

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1334 Reviews

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:24 am
Hannah wrote a review...



Hey, Spinelli. Loving your view point, as always. You get at things from such a fresh perspective, and that's really going to do a lot of good for whatever you choose to write if you make an effort to always stay this fresh.

The thing is, you have that tendency to ramble, and most times it comes off as conversational, adding to the tone and meaning of your writing. But in this piece, it distracts. It sounds like the musings of a crazy old pirate down by the dock, and without the benefit of that actual character to lend it meaning, tone, or shape. I wonder if you polished this at all, or sent it out for people to make of it what they wanted to? If the second, then I won't feel bad when I go ahead and pick out the important parts:

The only option now is to become a pirate because a pirate knows how to catch onto the wind and sail away from all the mess of ships that are tethered to the shore.

There can be an awfully big difference between loneliness and solitude, and sometimes they can blend into one another like the ocean and the sky.


I wanted to pick out more, but a lot of it was not actually describing or saying anything. For example:

So a pirate can only be docked for so long until the ocean calls to them because that's what happens to a pirate.


'because that's what happens to a pirate'? No explanation. No feeling. No tone. No image. You are writing as if we already know all of this, but if we know all of this, why are you writing it to us, you know? Give us new, give us fresh, and give us access to the world. Don't say, "This is how it is and you know why". Pointless, empty writing! Give us more of the solid ideas or images, the ships tethered to the shore, that difference between loneliness and solitude, but how you bring them so alive by comparing them to sea and sky. Those were beautiful moments. I know you can improve this by bringing it to that level.

If you had a different intent, lemme know on my wall and we can talk. Or by PM if you have any questions~

Good luck and keep writing!




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Mon Feb 11, 2013 2:42 am
Elinor wrote a review...



Hi,

I'm not really sure what to say about this. It's really short, so there's not really room for a lot of development. For what it is, it's well written, but considering it's only four short paragraphs, nothing really stands out-- it's kind of forgettable. Now, I'm fascinated with pirates-- one of my novels is about them-- but I think there is so much that you can do with this.

First of all, I would clarify what kind of pirates you mean. Do you mean Caribbean pirates in the Golden Age? Modern-day ones? From what country is this character this from? One thing that you do that I like is cover the narrator's internal conflict about choosing piracy. If you want to expand on this conflict, that would make for a great story.

My main suggestion is to expand. Expand on this character, who he is, why he's in the situation that he's in. Paint a picture of the setting. By doing so you will add conflict and make this a much more memorable piece.

Hope this helps!




spinelli says...


Well, I'm not actually talking about pirates. :P




I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec