Young Writers Society

Greetings!
A very solid story, I must say. The great sentence structure accompanied by names which all fit the setting really makes this story. I really like this piece of writing, especially at the end where you imply the beginning of a great adventure only to be cut off by the abrupt end, as well as the sudden surprise showing of the mystic powers Khalid possesses.


As for what I would suggest you could improve on? The real problem I have is a lack of a feel of the setting; sure this is a short story but atmosphere is oh so important, like how a backing track of music is vital to any movie to promote the feeling of the scenes they produce.
A cool way that you could do this is by slipping in background information without actually touching upon it, something that J.K Rowling was very good at in her harry potter books. "Khalid lounged on his argantian throne" sounds much more imperial and visceral then the former.

Due to my love of the fantasy setting, I am also morally obliged to remark on the tone that both the prince and the knight choose to use. The language that they use strikes me as modern dialogue, like the use of "I’m" or "haven’t". I may not be able to say much on behalf of other people, but I feel that this really hurts the character of a prince. "Have you not" instead of "haven't" is more fitting of such a character, unless he was a prince who lived most of his life as a member of the lower class for whatever reason.

Aside from these possible points of improvement though, an awesome piece! I would enjoy reading any future stories in this world you have made, as the concept is interesting.

(BTW, do not want to sound like an idiot here, but does "both legs thrown over one arm" make sense? Because how I am reading it makes it sound like he is sitting upside-down)

Hey there Scar!

I know this was a flash fiction, so I won't really be criticizing the lack of description here -- takes up space which might be unnecessary, considering description really isn't the focus here. However I would have liked... something. I don't know, the echo of boots on a marble floor? The cold throne beneath Khalid's arse? The light reflecting off a pool? The catlike grin in the King's eyes? A bead of sweat slowly tricking down the worried knight's forehead? Something to boost the atmosphere, if you get what I mean.

Khalid lounged on his throne, both legs thrown over one arm while he kept half an eye on his cousin, who lingered in the hidden doorway to his left.

“Your Highness,” the man said, somewhat breathlessly. Khalid snorted. “You called for me?”

“Uh, I don’t see why I can’t,” he said, and cleared his throat.

I liked this a lot. I think you did well with creating suspense, making me wonder who Khalid wants dead and why. Also, when Mikel says, "Do you think he knows what he's getting into?", it makes me wonder even more about the bigger picture of the story. I think you could expand this into a pretty good story. I know it was for Flash Fiction stuff, but I think this story could be really good. Good job and happy writing!