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Young Writers Society



Seeping Water : Bare Beginnings

by anirban


The consistent rings of my cell phone woke me up. Struggling with a heavy eye I peeked outside my blanket to note the time. 6. 33 am. Wondering who called me so early in the morning, I rummaged my bed to find my mobile. The previous night was a tiring night. I had to stay up late to complete an article and when I finally went to sleep, I decided to treat me with some nice music. The earphones greeted me with hits of Enrique and I drifted off to sleep with the music still playing. So when the call woke me up in the morning I had no idea where my mobile was!

After a couple of panicky moments, I found the device lying lazily between the cleavages of the two pillows that adorned my bed. Battling random thoughts, I picked up the cell to check who called. A second later, my phone was again ringing in full blast. My publisher’s name flashed on the screen. Taken aback, I received the call, ready to shout the daylights off him. I received the call and sensed he was angry. Thinking to go easy on him before I actually explode, as soon as I said the customary Hello, he exploded on me. His constant gibberish left me with no choice other than to listen to whatever he had to say. And I don’t blame him. I promised him a book for a Valentine’s Day release but it was already September and I wasn’t even halfway through. He probably called me everything that was acceptable keeping the language formal and disconnected. He was eying a December release now and I promised myself I wouldn’t let him down.

I was not to be blamed either. When I first finalised the plot of my novel in May last year, it sounded pretty convincing. So much that I hoped to bag at least a Booker if not a Noble in Literature straightaway. A mediocre boy, a super rich girl, a devil girl’s dad who loved poking his scrawny nose into everything that involved his daughter, a loyal boy’s dad who was more into principles than into money - the perfect combination for a successful novel. I was halfway through the introduction when the unexpected happened. I was hit by a Writer’s Block. Words ceased to flow out of my pen and as days passed by, my inability to write something up to the mark became a source of frustration.

After reviving from the block, I wasn’t really in rhythm with the story. The plot was still a hit formula but it started sounding too far-fetched and I gradually lost interest. With the continuous prodding of my publisher, I somehow managed to drag it halfway but finally one night I had to submit to fate. I clicked the file and, with a heavy heart, pressed the delete button. I completely understood that it was beyond my reach to write something too ambitious at that instant and I was at peace with it. Suppressing my fear of being shouted upon, I finally dialled my publisher’s number. It was obvious on his part to shout at me but he calmed down when I promised him a better story in three months. I was well past three months now and I still didn’t have a plot for my novel.

The most frustrating period of an author’s life is when he is bankrupt of ideas. I was going through a similar phase. Bereft of ideas, I was desperate to seek some sorely needed inspiration from somewhere. Exasperated, I opened my laptop to find a couple of mails from home. It had been a dozen times that mom had written to me that month but I couldn’t manage to reply. With nothing better to do, I clicked the mail open. The contents were mostly repetitions of what she had already written in her previous mails which ranged from missing me to asking me to come home for the Pujas. I kept staring at the screen blankly for some time. It had been eleven years that I’ve left India now and the mere realization left me unsettled. I decided I would go back at once. Eleven years is a pretty long time!

Okay let me tell you a bit about me. Born an Indian ( Bengali at that ), I left India to chase my dreams when I was seventeen. I always wanted to be an author but my parents saw an engineer in me. When I insisted, they started pressurizing. They wanted something from me and I wanted something else from life. I opted to give my pen a run. I had a friend in California who agreed to sponsor and I flew down to USA. It was only after my first novel that came out in 2006 that I re-established contact with them. And the irony was that they were “proud” of me then! Yes, a successful book does change fortunes!

The mere thought of meeting my family again lifted my spirits. I was sure I would have something in mind for my novel when I’d return. Doodling through a chain of thoughts, I finally booked a ticket with Air India. My flight was in two days.


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Fri Feb 08, 2013 5:09 am
Kafkaescence wrote a review...



The thing that stood out most is the fact that anyone that chooses to write professionally, such as the protagonist of this piece, will have certain methods to overcome what we call writer's block. The misconception that seems to plague this introduction is that writer's block is some sort of ghost that haunts writers, something real and tangible. Any experienced author knows that's absurd! It's just a figment of our imagination--even better, it's just an excuse we use to account for bouts of uninspiredness, or laziness. Professionals learn to just suck it up and write, because after all, writing is the only way they're going to feed themselves. It's how they can pump out 400-page novels year after year. Also, they're masters at being able to find inspiration in virtually anything--bus rides, walks in the park, newspapers--where your protagonist is practically an inspiration desert. What's worse is that she doesn't even seem to be attempting to thwart her writer's block; I mean, when things are getting especially bad, she opens up her email, as if that'll somehow cure her made-up condition. Every professional writer I've ever talked to say that whenever they're trying to get anything done, which is basically almost all the time, they keep away from distractions like email.

Sort of building on that, I don't find myself relating to the protagonist at all. Her unwillingness/inability to fight off Writer's Block isn't the only thing that contradicts your assertion that she's an experienced author--there's her confidence that her novel would have won several major awards, her refusal to salvage anything--even a sentence, a clever play on words she might forget--from her previous project (I mean, she deleted it without a second's thought, something any serious writer would be absolutely horrified at), and the email thing. Frankly, the way you've painted her, she seems more like an unusually naive and overconfident amateur writer with a seriously distorted view of the publishing world than anyone to be taken seriously.

This felt really unbalanced. You devote an entire detailed paragraph at the beginning to the protagonist looking for her cell phone, barely dip your toes into her conversation with her publisher, then again delve into absurd detail as you proceed to describe her plans for her novel. The weakest link, of course, is the phone conversation. There isn't any reason you shouldn't actually go into the actual dialogue between the two characters; in fact, please do that. It'd offer us some much-needed insight into the character of the protagonist, as well as establish a more grounded sense of present and consecution for the reader. Some of the details in that paragraph didn't really work, either--it isn't clear at all why the protagonist is angry at her publisher, and while the reciprocal anger is later explained, what isn't explained is how the publisher went so quickly from explosive to "formal and disconnected," "probably" calling our narrator "everything that was acceptable," which in addition to not making a bit of sense, doesn't reflect an explosive attitude at all. So, some issues there.

I hope this helped. Drop me a pm or something if you've got a comment regarding this review.

-Kafka




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Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:13 pm
FrenchDaisy wrote a review...



Like dogs said be smoother with what you say like this piece

"I rummaged my bed to find my mobile"
okay first no one calls their cell phone mobile, second try saying this: "I rummaged through my bed trying to find my cell phone"

Next this piece: "I was ready to shout the daylights off him"

????? what? this line is confusing try saying some thing like: "I was ready to scream his head off"

Now this piece: "taken aback"

I see nothing much wrong with this piece just try saying surprised or shocked?

Finally this piece: "words ceased to flow out of my pen"

Nice imagery here I'd love to see more like this piece try using more of that to make me want to read more!!!




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Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:10 pm
veeren wrote a review...



Hey there Anir :D

Spoiler! :
The consistent rings of


That should be 'ringing', to keep it in line with everything else.

Spoiler! :
6. 33 am.


That should be '6:33 AM'.

Spoiler! :
previous night was a tiring night.


This is redundant, you should say 'tiring one' instead.

Spoiler! :
I decided to treat me with


'treat myself'.

Spoiler! :
morning I had no


Comma after 'morning'.

Spoiler! :
Hello


Should be in quotes.

Spoiler! :
acceptable keeping the language formal


This doesn't really make much sense. Maybe you should say 'he called me every name that was socially acceptable'.

Spoiler! :
in May last year


May of last year.

Spoiler! :
by a Writer’s Block


Remove the 'a', it makes it sound like writer's block is an actual, like, thing.

Spoiler! :
I finally dialled


'Dialed'.

Spoiler! :
for the Pujas.


So you're a Hindu? ^.^

Spoiler! :
agreed to sponsor and


'Sponsor me'.

Spoiler! :
“proud”


Should be italicized, not quoted.

And the rest is alright.
You have a nice intro here, or at least I hope it's an intro. It's much to scrambled to just be a it's own story. Well, it's kind of an info-dump either way, but you get my point.
I'd just say need a bit of revising, taking out the details that aren't important, you know? You tell us a lot in just a short few paragraphs, and it get very confusing when trying to find the point of it all.
Otherwise, great work, and keep on writing :D




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Thu Feb 07, 2013 9:20 pm
beckiw wrote a review...



Hey Anirban :)

Let's have a look at this story then!

Whilst the subject is interesting and pretty relatable to anyone on this site or anyone who is a writer/creator, I think the way you are presenting the concept is not wholly working.

Honestly I got a little bored of this person just telling me everything that was going on. There wasn't really any emotion or much to pull you in. It was just someone half heartedly telling us about their writer's block.

Why not try to switch it up a little? Present it in a different way that might grab us more. For example, why not start it when he's on the flight back to India. He's presented with this fear of going home instantly and then reflects on what brought him to that juncture in life. I think that would be much more interesting than reading about someone in bed and then have this random skip to India at the end.

Anywho, I hope that was helpful :) PM me if you have any questions!

Bex x




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Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:25 pm
dogs wrote a review...



"6. 33"

If you're noting time it should be "6:33" with a colon and no space.

"to find my mobile"

I have never heard of anyone who ever calls their cell phone a "mobile" just say cell phone here.

"I decided to treat me with some nice music"

Oddly worded again. Say "listen to" instead of "treat me" and if you want to keep the "treat me" it should be "treat myself"

"device lying lazily"

Just say phone. The odd wording here isn't adding to your writing. And also how can it be lying lazily? Just say lying, I'm all for personification and awsome description. But in this case it's unnecessary.

"taken aback"

Just say shocked or suprised. it'll sound smoother.

"shout the daylights off him"

??? What? how to you shout daylights off of someone? Maybe try a little more modern and common phrase like "rip him a new one" or something on the lines of that.

Well that escalted quickly... tell us what your editor says to you and then go on the describing of his jibberish yada yada.

"words ceased to flow out of my pen.."

Nice imagery here, I'd like to see more of that in your piece because you don't really create what the room looks like, leaving the reader on the blind side of things.

Ok so your writing is all over the place here. You're not really keeping a smoother idea and mind set for the reader to easily follow. So that makes your writing a little boring and loses the readers intrest. I think you have potential in this piece of writing but I just didn't find anything jawdroppingly intresting about it. No great imagery or emotion or incredible vocab. You just need to add a little more pizzazz to this and you'll be good. Let me know if you ever need a review, keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032





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