Young Writers Society

Hi, I'm new to this site so i'll try my best to review/critique your work.

i think you poem is well written, it's a good idea and has great simplicity which works, in this case. It has a rhythmic poetic feel to it and everything flows quite coherently well together. I also like your opening line, it's engaging and i also love the last stanza it's engages the reader emotively.

I'd suggest that you differentiate your words a bit more towards the middle of you poem, some parts kind of fell flat as it went along. the context of some parts of the stanza can tend to get confusing to the reader, by using the word "Sage" i don't think it necessarily went with the rest of the poem.

In the first stanza i'd suggest you write for the last line, "I can write about me, BUT more about you" I think it adds a more effect to the poem.

That is all, overall, great poem.

InfinityAndBeyond xx

Hey, Sparkle! This is a pretty tight poem. I don't see any glaring problems with meter or rhyme. The words are simple enough and the rhyme scheme loose enough that you don't stumble into anything that seems too forced, so if this is how you want it to be, a simple simple poem, then I think you're pretty close to done.

The problem I have with it is precisely it's simplicity, though. I guess I already know all this stuff about writers! I am a writer, so it's nothing new to me that we can spin straw into words/ gold lines upon page (WHICH IS GREAT, by the way. I like you taking the normal line and changing it just a little bit to get the effect you want. I think it'd work better with "lines on a page", though!). I don't get anything new from your poem that will stick with me after I leave this webpage.

What audience did you have in mind when you wrote this poem? Did you want to show it to your friends that don't write? To people outside of the writing world? What's odd about that is, if you did that it would be better because they aren't already writers and they don't already know all this, BUT it would be worse because they can't really understand your feelings in such simple explanation. You feel sorry for people who don't read? Wouldn't that turn away any audience that you found that doesn't normally read? They might think you're trying to be smarter than them instead of drawing them into your world. Is that what you intended?

The main point:
if you're writing this for writers, they already know this and won't remember it
if you're writing this for non-writers, they won't understand it because you wrote it with inside language that only writers can really get without explanation

I guess you've got a decision to make!

PM me if you have any questions, please.

Good luck and keep writing!

Hi there, Sparkle.

I enjoyed reading this. It was a nice little poem about writing. Your rhyme scheme wasn't annoying (and that's something, coming from me (rhyme schemes usually enrage me)), and I liked your ideas.

I have a few things to suggest for improvement of this poem:

First, use punctuation. While it's not terribly difficult to understand where one idea ends and another begins, it will look better if you punctuate it like normal sentences.

I can write about me
And more about you

I can tell of a sage

I can’t help by feel sorry

For I cannot think
Of a greater delight
Than to sit by a fire
And with all my soul, write.

Hey Sparkle,

You seem relatively new to YWS, so I just want to welcome you c: It's good to see your writing, I'm what you call a poetry buff on this site, so I hope I'll see more of you in these forums.

I like this poem a lot. I think you did a great job maintaining the rhyming structure and the flow of the piece, which I know is not an easy thing to do at all. Oftentimes rhyming is hazardous to a poem, because it can seem like it's coming out forced, but you did a great job making the rhymes as smooth/ as clean as possible.

For your next poem, I would recommend to use proper sentence punctuation. So, use commas where there is a phrase or an incomplete thought, use periods to end a complete thought and only use capitalization at the start of your sentences, rather than capitalizing the first word of every line. It just looks more professional this way, and it looks more like you're in command of your poem (rather than Microsoft word taking control, which does this ugly auto-caps thing automatically - I hate that!)

One of the things that struck me about this poem is that even though the poem was kind of long, it didn't feel that way. Like, these types of poems I don't really like them, because I feel they are too general/too repetitive, and I don't like that there's barely any images or senses evoked -- but here, the lines went so smoothed, it barely felt bogged down, because you changed up the sentence structures and had some sentence variety. That is excellent and unexpected.

I spin straw into words
Gold lines upon page
I can write of a king
I can tell of a sage

Hi there, Sparkle!

I am GeeLyria and I am here to review for you.

Alright. Hm... How do I start?

I will start off by saying that I really like the reason why you wrote this piece, because I'm pretty sure that what inspired you to write is your passion for writing. That is excellent! I like that the lines' length is consistent (I love Quatrains<3) and that they were neatly organized in stanzas.

However, I think you could have stand out a little bit more. This poem would be lovelier if you could prove the reader that writing is not only about putting words together but it's also about taking a simple thought and transforming it into art. Be creative! I know you can do it. You just need a little bit of imagination (which you have), and you need to question everything!

I am but a writer

Hi! This is really good! I love this poem. There are a few things I would change and I will highlight them in red:

I am but a writer
Through and through
I can write about me
And more about you

I spin straw into words
Gold lines upon page
I can write of a king
I can tell of a sage Sage to me doesn't really go with the stanza, talking about kings, I don't know of a better word though...

I am never alone
When my words are near I would maybe say "When my stories are near"
My protagonist friends
Are ever so dear

I can’t help but feel sorry
For those who don’t read
Who write not a sentence
Unless they have need

For I cannot think
Of a greater delight
Than to sit by a fire
And with all my soul, write.

Once again, love it!
Iki