Young Writers Society

Ello. I read romantic stories, regularly actually 'cause I write many. They are easy to write, I guess, because everyone feels it. But no one's knows what it actually is until you have it. That's what I'm getting from your story.

I don't see her sadness, her missing him in the first part of the story. Just knowing that, hey, there's a guy, she doesn't talk to him, whatever. You have to add emphasis to that. Like big. We only know that there's something... well, kind of something when he's dying.

I do believe he would've died oon impact if he flew threw the air. He wouldn't be conscious, or alive to talk to her. Make the crash less drastic if you want that part there.

I didn't feel her emotions at all. Your writing is amazing, great work, but you should be more emotional with your writing. Add some feelings. You can throw in a 'Uh, I miss that guy' Just like that.

This story is great, amazing work. But you need a little fixes here and there. You should read it yourself and you'll see what needs work.

Keep Writing!Tell me when you write more. I want to read more from you!

-Nike

You know, it wasn't very good at hooking the reader in, especially if its a love stroy.
It seemd redundant to move, at times stuck.
You shouldn't force on one sentence so much so it looses its meaning like I love you, which you've used many times.
Show it few times with a strong sense so you need not to repeat it.
Anyway, Keep writing!

regards,
blakey789

Hey there!

First of what does this story touch on? Does it touch the relationship between Jae and his friend or between Ken and Mina? There seems to be two different "Winter Loves" you're touching on in this. You should only have one, and then put all the focus on it. That really brings across the true feeling of a relationship, and makes the story much more dramatic.

The pace of this altogether was too fast. It was like progressing from the dialogue to the DVD and then to the accident scene followed by his death. You're basically jumping from one scene to another. It's too confusing to follow and the reader loses track of it. The emotions aren't really felt except for the DVD and accident part, and even then it isn't much. What you need to do is know which scene is important and focus on them. The DVD and accident scene were the most dramatic, so make that the main point of the story. Also the title of this story is winter love. I don't see the connection to this, there's no reference to winter here.

The dialogue was pretty well written, it shows the clear relationship between the characters and also how they're own relationships are progressing.

annoying "curious" looks from the people on the street down below. I didn't have to see them to know that they were dismayed, and slightly amused at my "freaky" long platinum hair,

I am having a hard time getting into this story. Personally I think it needs a better hook. The writing was a little slow with all of the commas in the sentences and it seemed like there wasn't much going on. Also it is strange that you have two plots going when you really want to build up our emotion towards this 'Ken' person. The strangest thing I find in this is that you introduce him much later than I feel was necessary.

To get a better hook I would suggest working on what type of message you want to send. If you want to explain that sometimes people have good reasons for breaking promises, then start out with something that we can relate to dealing with this issue. As it is now, I thought the main story was going to be about lovers from afar rather than a romance that was actually going to last. Having the relationship with the brother and how they're not going to pursue it is a very good counter-example of what could happen, but at the same time, it seems like more of the main story than the love between the main character and Ken.

Lastly I really don't understand why you killed him. I wasn't so attached to him that I felt upset at his death because I wasn't drawn into the anger-love relationship the main character has for him.

Having the setting be two travelers who are in town for a short time and running into someone that she's known before is rather interesting, but I'd rather see the dates and how she met Ken then run into his death before I've met him. Also you might want to consider word choice. Sometimes, along with the abundant commas, you use similar words very close to one another such as the first line. We are already familiar with 'warm rays' being sunlight, so why put 'sun shine' in as well? These types of things make the reading slower and can draw a reader out form reading because of the pace. It was hard to determine when the male character was speaking vs the female character as well because they have very similar speaking patterns. This, to me, along with his future occupation and aspirations, makes me question the brother's seriousness about a relationship with a female.

As it stands, this story could use some work developing a hook and unique characters from one another. I'll tell you something I am told a lot which I think you could use in this story, simplify the character numbers. Just use Ken and Mina. That will give us time to develop an attachment to them and feel more drawn into the story. There's no point to kill someone who we aren't that attached to. It will be interesting to see how this does if it's for the romance competition.