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James Volt, Chapter 3: Fate

by CarlosFG

Chapter 3: Fate

As Christmas and New Year’s Day passed on, and Geoff and his family left back home, James couldn’t stop thinking about the book. He had kept it under his pillow and tried forgetting about it, but that was all he thought about. In his free time, he had tried to research on anything having to do with books and changing letters, but all he got was disappointing information. He knew something was special about the books, and he was determined to figure it out.

A couple of days after Geoff left, and after hours of trying to figure out important information, something happened. The book let out a weird ringing noise. It opened up to the page with the portal on it. James got nervous, but tried not to think anything out of the ordinary. As he looked at the page, waiting for the noise to stop, the page drew on itself. It drew an “X” and a line going along the side of it, like if it wanted a signature of someone. As James walked toward the book, the ring rang more and more. James hurried to look for a pen or pencil, but he couldn’t find one! The noise was getting so ridiculously loud that he felt his room was shaking. A strange pen appeared above the book, completely appearing out of nowhere before his eyes. James immediately grabbed the pen and wrote his signature on it. The ringing stopped.

The book closed, and reopened again to the page with the portal on it. James just stood there with a long, shocked face. He was very confused and very scared at this point. He didn’t know if to just stand there, or to walk towards the book, or let out a yell that he had been holding in the entire time. But just as he was beginning to let these questions linger for far too long, a noise came out of the book. A faint, deep, majestic voice.

James Volt, of Volt Descendant Generation 17, your assistance is very much needed in our world. You have something that those sixteen generations before you haven’t held within them. Knowledge. You have strength within you, and that is what has been needed for the past two thousand years. Please, join me. You’re the only hope for us. We shall talk more when you come to Index. I await your arrival.”

James’ eyes were wide open, his mouth was dropped, and he was shaking. He sat down and began hyperventilating. He had no idea that voice coming from the book meant, though. He wanted to know what it meant.

“How do I go to your world?” said James in a terrified, shaky, low voice.

No one replied. The book was still opened to the portal page. In gold writing, it read:

“Write your full name here.”

James grabbed the odd, new pen that had appeared in front of him, and wrote his name, again. The portal began to move as he wrote, and it got brighter and brighter as he concluded his signature. The book was shaking as James took a couple steps back. As he kept retreating, he felt like he was being pulled in by the book. The pull got stronger and stronger and before he knew it, James was right beside the book. The portal was bright blue, blinding James. He felt light, very light. He was turning yellow and was slowly dispersing, turning into gold dust. He felt and looked like golden dust going through the portal at light speed. And just like that, before he knew it, he was sitting in a, what seemed to look like, a meeting hall. James was still in complete shock.

The room was huge. It was well lit and very white. There was not one speck of dust or dirt anywhere, and the floor was as shiny as can be. The seat he was sitting on was white as well, and the table in front of him was long and also white. There were about 30 seats on each side of the table and a table on each end. The table had weird writing all over it in silver letters, and the writing would change colors every so often. James was overwhelmed with confusion. He felt like he was going crazy, and as he was still observing the white room, a door opened.

A tall, old, weird dressed man walked in the room. He was well-wrinkled and very white. He had dark blue eyes and a big staff, serving as a walker. He had a long, odd earring on his left earlobe that glowed bright blue in its center. His long, navy blue cloak was dragging on the floor, and he was about seven feet tall. He had a book that looked very much like James’, except the man’s book was very thick and double the size of James’. Every step that this man took made a huge thud noise, and made James very nervous.

“James, what a pleasant surprise to meet you. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Zefron Exus, but you can call me Exus. I’m ruler and emperor of Index, our world.”

“Hello, nice to meet you. I’m James Volt,” said James, calming down more and more. “Where am I, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Exus let out a loud laugh.

“You’re in Index, the world inside the book you were given. See, the portal in your book is the only gateway you have to this world. Of course, there are more books in your world. But very few actually ever find out what the book actually holds within.”

“How many more books are there? And how come more people don’t find out about Index, if the book kept sending me signs that it held some kind of secret?” said James, curiously.

“Four other books and my book is the fifth and final one. When the book likes its owner, it tries to give it signals. The majority of the time, the book never accommodates with its owner. You and your book happened to be a perfect match, and it took sixteen generations to happen. No matter what, the book will always stay within its predecessor’s family.”

“So you know everyone that has one of these books?”

“Yes, I know absolutely everything there is to know about Index, its people, and the people like you. The one’s chosen only by fate and nothing else. You were meant to have that book, James. You need to realize from this point on, that you and everyone else with a book like that aren’t ordinary. You’re unique,” said Exus, very seriously.

“What’s so special and unique about these books, other than making me anxious and curious and nervous? I mean I don’t see why I’m here yet.” exclaimed James, trying to understand everything all at once.”

“In due time, James. How about we go for a walk and talk a little more?” asked Exus.

James looked frustrated, but was excited. He was very curious to find out about Index and his past generations.

“Sure, Exus, let’s go.”

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1220 Reviews

Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:48 am
Kale wrote a review...

Hello again Carlos. I haven't read chapter two, but since this chapter and the next have been stuck in the Green Room for so long, I'm here to free them from such a sad state of so few reviews.

Lycando covered pretty much everything I was going to cover in his review, so I'd just like to second everything he said.

One thing Lycando did not mention were the grammar issues, so since he didn't leave me much else, that's what I'll be covering.

And just like that, before he knew it, he was sitting in a, what seemed to look like, a meeting hall.

This sentence has a repeated "a". A small error, but every little error works against how your writing is perceived by your readers, even though it might seem small and insignificant.

You also have a few spelling errors, like "one's" instead of "ones". Watch your apostrophes and plurals.

A tall, old, weird dressed man walked in the room.

Should be "weirdly". Speaking of adverbs (which usually end in -ly), you use a lot of them, which isn't a very good idea when writing. Adverbs are very useful when used sparingly, and right now, you have a lot of "suddenly"s and "immediately"s, and they make your writing feel more amateurish than anything, as a more experienced writer would use more vivid verbs and nouns instead of relying so heavily on adverbs.

For example, "James immediately grabbed the pen and wrote his signature on it." could be rewritten as "James snatched the pen and wrote his signature", which eliminates the adverb and without changing the meaning of the sentence.

There were about 30 seats on each side of the table and a table on each end.

When writing a story, the general rule is that numbers under one hundred are written out with words, with numbers larger than one hundred written out with digits.

And again, I would just like to second everything Lycando said in his review, particularly character-wise. If you can nail the characters, then the issues with dialogue and realism will also settle themselves.

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197 Reviews

Points: 13932
Reviews: 197

Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:31 am
Lycando wrote a review...

Hey there!

Third chapter, here I am!

First of all I find the story focuses a lot on the book, which I really like. Rather than talk about James's life, you kind of leave that part to one paragraph, which I think is really good.

Overall this chapter has a lot of potential to be even better. There's some things that can be improved.

First of all, the dialogue is pretty artificial, not many people would talk like that. I'm talking about the dialogue between Exus and James. Re think it through and maybe even say it out loud to hear how it sounds and change it if needed.

Character wise, I don't see much change in character for James even as he enters Index. He's in awe alright, but definitely not freaked out over what just happened. Think about it, if you were magically teleported to another dimension right now, what would your first reaction be? I think most people would freak out at being in an unfamiliar environment right? So should James, have him be in awe yet scared or nervous. Let the readers anticipate and guess what may happen next. Would someone come up and try to kill him, or in this case, greet him? If so, what would be his reaction.

Now, the realism of this. James seemed pretty open to this weird guy coming up to him and introducing himself. He's pretty much thrown into this pretty quickly too and told lots of things in just a matter of minutes. Being a kid that he is, it would take pretty long for him to take it all in yes? Make James a little frightened of Exus maybe, or even suspicious.

Overall this was a good chapter, and the idea of the book being a portal to a different world is pretty cliche no doubt, but if you're able to develop this story and make it better, this would definitely be a great novel!

Hope my review helped!

And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley