Young Writers Society

Jack,

You've got some hard-hitting reviewers for this piece already, and I'm not gonna read anything they said. I sorry. esp if I repeat anything.

So!

Let us be quixotic.
Literally.

That line is srsly not needed and needs to be abolished. The rest of the poem, however is delicious and should be kept just as is! I enjoyed the references and the play on words - that's like a strong suit of yours, and it's almost like a characteristic quirk of your poems, I think that's really neat! x)

Beginning with the title - (by the way, why keep the title un-capitalized? and not mirror the same style for the rest of the poem? Why not just capitalize the title? I know you made a conscious choice - I'm just curious!) and the rest of the references to Quixote, you do get a sense of the fantastical and the imaginary, and I want to know more about the "us" that "you and I" relationship :3 which is a good thing, that I want to know more about the speakers. It's just evident that I've fallen greatly attached to the voice/speaker.

I have a better idea.
I'll write you something you will never read.

There is so much good here I honestly can't even.

I adore seeing old lit referenced in more stylized contemporary poetry. It's like drinking vodka out of a tea cup, or maybe it would be better to say english breakfast out of a beer bottle? Or, how about no comparisons. Either or, it's refreshing, but also, in a way, sort of pleasing, as if giving certain reference back to the greats yet still managing to take an even more whimsical spin on the idea of what one could only delve into so far, once upon a time ago.

Which, when it comes to this piece, seems to be only worth the cherry on top of the sundae.

Anyways, into the breakdown.

The first and second stanza, albeit short (which is absolutely lovely to see), were by far the most powerful when it came to the sheer quality of interweaving concepts. The narrative being a little witty but also a little brash when it comes to whomever the poem appears to be directed towards. For the amount of words used, the parallel between Cervantean behaviour and the near complimentary style of which you directed it towards the immediate 'you' would have been enough to suffice a substancial piece. The need to be quixotic, as you stated in one of your comments, was also cleverly played.

The only real issue I felt came up was that, when looking at the direct parallels, the last stanza pulls on that same gimmicky diction you used to hit the last blow in silverbells and cockleshells.

A tree falling in a fictional forest.
Listen--the sound is groundbreaking.

Loved this poem sooooooo much!
I loved the airy, impulsive feel of it. It was delivered with simplicity and just plain awesomeness. Fresh and crisp, it was like a breath of fresh air. You make me wish I could write like you.

Ugh, Jack, I like this so much.

In direct opposition to Gaia there (ilu!) I am way into the periods rocking through the text here. I think they help the rhythm of the poem, emphasising the tipple back and forth, we’re tilting at windmills here; we’re allowed to be a little punchy! In fact, I encourage it, the more punch the better.

The language is delicious and I enjoyed Cervantean because it is the specific type of dream we’re talking about, not the poem and not the text. I think it’s necessary for meaning here. I read the “I have a better idea.” As being impulsive, mostly because I could hear the voice of this poem really clearly, and it leapt out at me.

The concept of this poem, and the delicious ending just… bah. I’m jealous, because I haven’t written anything so good in ever. The ending is so good because it ties in to the concept perfectly, Cervantes and windmills and the written but never read. I have a qualm about your last word though. It ruins the rhythm for me, it’s just too long and too clunky in a very well measured poem. I would love to see you lose “ground” in this. I know what you’re doing and I propose that the intent won’t be damaged by the loss, it might be more abstract or obscure, but anyone reading properly would understand.

But as always, that’s my opinion and you should keep the poem how it feels right to you. Thank you terribly for a lovely read though.

♥

Hi, Jack!

I'm not sure whether I like all the choppiness that the many periods and separate sentences create. That sort of formatting always makes it more difficult for me to enjoy the poem, because my head can't get over the almost metronome-like rhythm.

I liked the references though! From the first line, I was like "yay, quixotic and windmills"! I think the "Cervantean" might actually be a bit excessive -- I'd personally prefer just the "quixotic" at the beginning, which I'd find more subtle.

What does "I have a better idea" refer to? It felt a bit sudden, because it feels like it refers to the dreaming, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I'll write you something you will never read.