Young Writers Society

Hey Vyper!

I should probably add a caveat--I'm not the best at poetry and haven't reviewed it in ages, so this is all going to be very subjective.

Jingle bells,
Santa’s here,
Everyone,
Shout and yell.

The tree is cut,
The lights are up,
The presents wrapped,
The Eggnog out.

Christmas greetings from afar,
Cards from people that won’t,
Write you again,
Until next year.

Make a list,
Then toss it out,
Go to the store,
And wander about.

Christmas spirit is in the air,
Shopping bags thrown everywhere.
Pay with cash or debit, store credit,
Just like that, your money’s spent.

Christmas morning,
Dawns bright and clear.
You know because you’re
Up before sunrise each year.

Parents’ eyes twinkle,
As they watch their kids beam,
A job well done,
And a secret they’ll keep.

And you said if i dare! haha! it was awsome, i liked it. i really i did. i liked how you described the shopping, the morning of chrismas, and the present opening. the toys, the happy feeling of being with your family. Go! christmas! go!!! haha yup that just happened. im sorry to say i dont like eggnog, like not in the smallest way possible.

Hmmm, this was interesting. Their were certain aspects of it I absolutely loved, and others that felt a little off (but are easily fixed). I'll get the negative stuff out the way stuff, but remember it's all just personal opinion! The syllables in your lines gradually became less regular which meant the poem lacked rythm and was difficult to read with out stumbling. I usually love rhyme schemes, but this one felt a little forced, in particular rhyming "excite" with "flash lights" did not feel very natural, also the rhyme scheme doesn't become regular untill part way through the poem. Furthermore, I wasn't sure in the first few stanza's whether your outlook on christmas was positive or not because the use of abrupt sentences with little punctuation and words like "cut" and "yell" made me wonder if you were being satirical or not.

The stuff I really liked was the last stanza because it's really cute about the santa secret and the rhyme feels very natural here. The poem in general got better the further you got, I think because it became clear you were expressing excitement about christmas. I loved the idea behind it (you can never have enough christmas poems!).

Overall, I did enjoy this, and I think as a first draft it's very impressive. However, I would do a couple more drafts and change some minor things just to perfect it! Let me know if you edit, I'd love to read again if you change anything.