“You are a worthless bitch.”
The words smacked her harder than any of his previous beatings. He grinned at her pathetic flinch and curled his unshaking fingers into her curly mane. Control. He had every bit of it.
His fingers fervently dug deeper into her scalp one at a time. He laughed. “But, oh you are so much less than a bitch. A bitch is hated and watched and envied at some point or another. No, you are more of a whisper. You are like a little sparrow who died without a sliver of importance. No one bothers to look at you. Or remember you. Or care what happens to you or,” He raised his eyebrow and gave her hair a feral tug, “who happens to you.”
She fixed her gaze above his twisted face, her steely eyes faltering as the tears began to puddle at the bottom of her lids. She would not be weak this time. She would not let him see her be weak.
He basked in her easy defeat. “How long have we been here, my little invalid?” He let out a small gleeful squeak, like a gruesome beast preying on his long awaited victim. “How long?”
Her mouth opened to speak, but only an incoherent slew of pleas came forward. His grip tightened, and her head banged against the unforgiving concrete wall with a crisp smack. He shook his head and smirked. “I did ask you a question, did I not?”
Her silence echoed through the emptiness louder than any of her screams had before.
With a minuscule flick of the wrist, Sol sent her head smashing into the wall once again. “Did I not?” He repeated through snarling teeth.
She finally lowered her gaze to his. “Yes.” She managed in a small shaking whimper. “You did.”
He looked like the man only she seemed to see. The man who was most definitely going to kill her. The man who had consistently abused her, physically and verbally. The man who had cooed for her to pick up her first blade. To inflict pain on herself. And to inflict it on others. Humanized hell. That is what he was and what he would always be.
The panic began to seep in and overwhelm her eerie calm. A scream uprooted from her gut and threw itself into the world with inane power but nonexistent volume. Her tears betrayed her, and the fear shone out to him like a beacon, fueling his fire and urging him on. “And what is it exactly that I asked you?” He cooed with a sick sweetness.
Her breath came out in ragged gasps as did her next words. “You asked how long it has been since,” She took a short pause, every part of her body shaking, “Since you brought me out here.”
He looked at her like a hound drooling over a piece of meat. “And how long has it been?” His question seemed entirely rhetorical, yet he demanded an answer.
She smiled out of utter hopelessness. “Days.” She whispered.
He repeated her words with sadistic excitement. “Days.” His free hand grabbed at her chin and dragged her face mere inches from his. “And how many have given you a thought since this big, scary man dragged you away? How many have noticed? How many cared enough to go looking for you? How many?”
He touched his lips to her wet cheek, not in a sign of affection but in a sign of dominance. “Do you think one single person gives a damn whether you ever come back?” He whispered, every word humming into her cheek and consuming her. “Do you think they would remember the dirty, worthless invalid that sulks about them daily?” He continued relentlessly, entirely unaware of the fresh wetness that spilled from her face onto his. “Don’t think for one little minute that you are special. That you are loved and deserving. Because you are the farthest from it.”
His hand slid into his pocket and retreated back to her face with a familiar object. “Well, I’d be lying if I said you deserved nothing. You do deserve this, don’t you.” He slowly slid the sharp knife from her face down to her palm. “Take what you deserve and give it to yourself.” His hand fell away from her hair, and he took a few steps from her and smiled. “See you around then, my little invalid.” As he began his retreat, he let out a deep bellied laugh. “Or maybe I won’t.” He called back to her, almost entirely invisible in the darkness.
She listened as his footsteps faded into the blackness. She waited until she was positively alone, and when she was, she lifted the knife, twirling it between her unsteady hands. The outcome was predetermined, as it always was. She could run. She could attack. She could walk away. But she never did.
The moon’s light caught on the metal and sent her a warped reflection of herself. The misshapen image seemed to catch her perfectly: disgusting and alone. It showed her all she needed, and solidified her reality.
“Invalid.” She whispered.
i think my hands are struggling to type because i'm trying to keep my sanity
THIS WAS AMAZING KEEP WRITING THIS NOVEL PLEASE, ihave a question is the guy almost her same age, and i don't know why but for the story i think the guy's character devolopment was really strong which is a good thing ,it gives the reader a need to know more also another question is this guy there in the next chapter, please keep writing,
oh and if you have time stop by my story simply simplicity
adelina now a fan
Thank you so much! You are far too kind. If I were to continue the story, he would most definitely be there. 
Hello 
My first reaction was - "whoa!". I re-read it a few times and I was surprised to find an underlying meaning every time.
You've got a good writing style though you need work a bit more on the punctuation.
There is no background info at all and I think that adds much to the whole mysterious air of the story. Its one of those "floating" pieces that makes the reader think.
"It showed her all she needed, and solidified her reality." - didn't really catch the idea of this sentence. And I do wonder why the woman kept up with the torturing! IT is a bit unsettling. If you mean to keep it that way, you've succeeded!
Keep going.
Nevanoel! Here I am like I said I would be. I've only skimmed the other comments you have - and wow, there's a lot! - so I'm sorry if I say all the same things someone else has said.
I'm going to quote a few parts and give my comments on them specifically, and then I'm going to give a few general comments.
--- With a minuscule flick of the wrist, Sol sent her head smashing into the wall once again.
You’ve just been talking about “him” and “her” so far, so mentioning a name suddenly is quite, well… sudden. I'm not sure if I like it - I notice from some comments you had changed the name, and it does work better than the original one. However, since it's the only time the name is mentioned, I think you could do without it. I think it would sort of emphasise the controllingness of the man - faceless, nameless people are much scarier than ones you can somehow identify.
--- “And what is it exactly that I asked you?” He cooed with a sick sweetness.
The word “cooed” appears in the previous paragraph, so it’s a bit repetitive here. Another point is that your dialogue punctuation is slightly off here – the speech tag is supposed to be uncapitalised when it follows a direct quote.
Here’s an article I wrote for reference, should you feel like looking into the subject more (and getting the punctuation in place!):
viewtopic.php?f=151&t=44898
Overall, I think you reached what I think you aimed for - a distressing atmosphere and sort of a trapped feeling. I think you did very well with that, and you managed to really bring out how controlling this man (and people in general) can be. It's almost symbolic.
Also, you're far too modest - I remember you saying this was rubbish, when it really isn't. See you around!
Afternoon, Neva.
"and how many have given [...] How many?"
I feel this really intensifies how the reader may place themselves in the mindset of the victim.
I'm unsure of what the predator was doing with Little Miss Invalid when he was sliding the knife. Was he cutting her? Did he hold it firmly while tracing her skin so she could feel the pressure of the knife go along her nerves to remind her that with that knife, in another direction, it would do more than scrape?
Although it bothers me a little to know what her ultimate decision was, if she had finished herself of or not, I do really appreciate the ending. It leaves me wondering and lets the story continue.
I look forward to more works from you. ^__^
- mShujin
Hey Neva.
The title caught my attention really well, and might I just say. Very well done. As horrific as this is, it is well written. With the first point of view, it really gives a deep emotional side to it all.
The ending really sent my blood cold. I love how you made it that her abuser made her change her whole way of thinking, made her feel like she really was invalid. It gave me the chills, and I love it.
Very well done.
~Twilight
Neva,
Let me just start out by saying hi. 
I guess Danno got to this piece before I did, but I wanted to read it by his recommendation anyways.
Now, on to the review. I like the descriptions, though you aren't always clear with what the characters are exactly doing. For instance, when he takes out the knife, is he cutting her from her face to her palm or is he just dragging it down her skin?
I like the characters, but what about their pasts? Is she the first person he's ever kidnapped? Why is he like this, what's their connection? What does he look like, exactly? What does she look like? Just something to think about.
I like this piece. It gave me the chills! It's really great, Neva, nice job.
Keep writing!
-Aisling/ IrishFire
Not feeling it. The villain has no characteristics other than being big and mean, and the victim's a featureless damsel in distress. Felt a pang of excitement when the villain mentioned that nobody came to save her, then slunk back down to disappointment when that thought was left hanging and unexplored.
The only real content here is the description of the scene itself, but the work's over-dependence on adjectives and undernourishment of imagery makes the scene difficult to see.
For your next work try to focus on establishing an emotional connection between the main character and the reader. Telling me how much agony she's in won't do much. Telling me what she has lost and where she could be now if it wasn't for the big mean kidnapper might have a more favourable effect.
Your slave,
cC
Wow. Just... wow. I was hanging on every word, completely engrossed in the story. It was like I was not even in the room anymore, but standing next to her, feeling what she felt. I even flinched a little when he smashed her head agains te wall and felt the hand squeezing my chin. That was one of the best short stories I have read... ever. It is horrible, it is gruesome, it is twisted, its perfect. I have only seen one short story remotely like this, but I have to say I like this one better. Its much more psychologically disturing. The best thing I have read in a long time.
Neva.
You've written something here that gives me the chills. That last line... I mean... Just, wow. It's incredible. You're a fantastic writer. The psychological conflict behind this is astounding, and so is the external, physical conflict. This man sounds like he really knows how to twist a girl's thoughts to make her feel like a speck of dust. This is incredible. Really. I'm amazed by it. I think my favourite part is when he gives her the knife and tells her to give herself what she deserves. "She could run. She could attack. She could walk away. But she never did." He has her believing that she doesn't deserve her freedom, so she doesn't leave. I love it. Great job. Keep writing!
-Danno
For a short story it was reallllly good! I hope you continue it so that we can find out what happens to here. Like some have already commented, some of your word choice could be changed. And other than that I didn't really see any mistakes.
One question though, when he slid the knife from her face to her palm was he cutting her? That was my only confusion.
Hey Neva,
Well, it looks like people gave you great reviews already. But, since you requested one, here it goes:
Firstly, I did like it. It was dark, it was on the brink of insanity. I can't help wondering if Sol exists or if he is just a figment of her imagination (a la Tyler Durden in Fight Club). I loved the similes that you used, because they were not the overused cliches you hear everyday and it was very refreshing to read something you had obvioulsy put thought into.
You did GREAT with showing vs. telling, which is what most writers nowadays (including yours truly) seem to have trouble with- especially that balance.
Now, for the storyline itself. That is what bugged me slightly. I mean, ASSUMING that he's not a figment of her imagination, I don't know enough to understand this sudden anger, this hate, this sadism. Why is he hurting her? Why has he got her locked up in some room? Why does no one care about her? Why does she take all of the abuse and not try and escape? I mean, even if he was a psycopath/ a sociopath, they would not do this unless they felt provoked in whatever way.
Assuming she's an abusive relationship, as you've said he has abused her before, why has he decided to kidnap her? Usually, when people are in an abusive relationship there is a cycle: The victim is abused, and then the abuser makes amends for it. This cycle repeats indefinitely. In this case, he has taken her to some room to torture her to her death- but I can't even assume he's a random sadist who kidnapped her as you said this has happened before. This is what I have trouble with. All this hate, sadism and torture just does not seem realistic because you have not given us any background knowledge of either of the characters- only then could it POSSIBLY sound a tad more realistic.
Which bring me to my next point, sympathy! I had trouble sympathising with this faceless, nameless victim because I knew nothing about her, or who she was, or how she came to be here. I could not understand the motives of the sadistic Sol either. I had trouble empathising with either of the characters, because who were they? Two random people I have never met before- one of them beating the other one up.
Another important issue you must adress: What in her life made her so self loathing that she refused to escape?
On the technical side, it is top notch, but the plot is lacking a bit.
Overall Rating: *** out of *****
Hey Neva!
Here to review as you asked.
This was fantastic. You warned me that it was dark, and you didn't disappoint. So, the important thing in any and everything is content. Your content, I would say, is near flawless, and the previous reviewers have done great, so I'm just going to nitpick.
He let out a small gleeful squeak,
Sol sent her head smashing into the wall once again.
Humanized hell.
inane power but nonexistent volume.
She could walk away. But she never did.
Hi neva!
I haven't read the comments below so please forgive me if I repeat anything, but at least you know if you're hearing the same thing twice, it's probably good advice
Specifics
1. Good sentence structure at the beginning, it really draws the reader in. You have a nice mastery over when to use a single word and when to give us a whole string so keep that up.
2.
Painstakingly feels out of place here. It's very awkward and jarring in the sentence. I'd suggest replacing it with something like 'fervently' which will flow more smoothly.His fingers painstakingly dug deeper into her scalp one at a time.
I think your description here could be stronger. Tears welling in people's eyes is a bit of a throwaway line and it feels like you've put less thought into the description which is a shame after such fiery dialogue. Maybe something like: 'She fixed her gaze above his twisted face and her eyes were steel but the tears were building. They grew and puddled in her lower lids, threatening to break her defences.' It's a quick write up but hopefully gives you some ideas. This is the first time we get an impression of her and after all the build up, it needs to be a strong one that's going to hold the reader's attention and meet their expectations.She kept her gaze above his twisted face, tears welling up at the bottom of her lids.
This is a lovely line but it feels a little wordy. I'd suggest removing 'rushed' as we already get that impression from slewed. If you take too long to describe a quick action, it starts to feel very slow. For example, which of these is quicker:Her mouth opened to speak, but only an incoherent slew of rushed pleas came forward.
I'm uncertain about his name being Will. A name can say a lot about someone and this isn't the name I'd expect of a villain and suddenly throwing the name in there really shocked me. If it was William, that would be firmer and feel more hard somehow. This is one of those things that I find tricky to explain. But if you want to maintain the intimacy of a nickname and still send shivers down your reader's spine, I feel it needs to be something like 'Des' or 'Si' (short for Desmond or Simon) or maybe Pete. Either something that starts with a plosive (p, t, b) or an s as that's very sinister.With a miniscule flick of the wrist, Will sent her head smashing into the wall once again.
The repetition of 'asked' here is too close together and a bit awkward. Maybe replace one with inquired or reorder the sentence a little?“And what is it exactly that I asked you?” He asked with a sick sweetness.
I'd say remove the 'ferociously whispered' as you've not used a dialogue tag for a few sentences and then that one suddenly leaps out. Whispered on its own would work, but the adjective is too much.“Do you think one single person gives a shit whether you ever come back?” He ferociously whispered, every word humming into her cheek and consuming her.
Lose 'practically'. That takes everything away from the certainty of predetermined and the always.The outcome was practically predetermined, as it always was.
Hey there, Neva! Here to rip your story to shreds, as promised (kidding, kidding).
He basked in her easy defeat. “How long have we been here[,] my little invalid?”
His grip tightened, and her head banged into the unforgiving concrete wall with a crisp smack.
“Do you think they would remember the dirty, worthless invalid that sulks about them daily?” He continued relentlessly[,] entirely unaware of the fresh wetness that spilled from her face onto his.
Hi, so you asked me to review this piece so here goes.
I liked the story, its full of emotion and for the most part very well written. I liked your development of the protagonist. I love despite the fact it is written in 3rd person you make the reader really feel her pain and stuggles.
I do have a few suggestions though.
I would love to have had more description of the antagonist. He seems like a very particular character, and if he had more of a body it would make the story even more daunting.
Also, the way you have arranged time is odd. One minute you get the feeling that she has been there for days maybe even weeks but then to say she had only been there for over an hour, it just confuses the reader. If your goal was to make it feel as if the short time she had been there was long you might want to make it a little more clear.
In particular I liked "Her silence echoed through the emptiness louder than any of her screams had before." It is a really good line. I also liked the last paragraph. It was a great wrap up to the story.
Overall this was really well written. I think if you really wanted you could write more on this story. It has so much potential. Good job!
Hello, Noel! You posted a review request on my wall, so I'm here to, well, review this piece.
Overall, this is a great piece of work. You kept me interested from the beginning to the end. When I'm reading anything, I'm constantly on the lookout for interesting words used in interesting ways; this piece delivered. Nice work!
That being said, I do have a few suggestions. Please keep in mind that they are just that: suggestions. If you disagree with them, disregard them. At the end of the day, your opinion concerning your work is paramount. Your ideas expressed in your own unique way are what will set you apart from other writers. Do not sacrifice them for anything or anyone.
First, I suggest breaking down the first paragraph. The first paragraph of any piece is extremely important. Keeping it limited to between one and five sentences will make it the perfect way to give your readers a taste of your writing, allowing them to obtain an idea of what the rest of the piece will be like without having to dive headfirst into your writing. Perhaps, instead of the way your first paragraph is currently structured, you could try something resembling the following:
"“You are a worthless bitch.”
The words smacked her harder than any of his previous beatings. He grinned at her pathetic flinch and curled his unshaking fingers into her curly mane. Control. He had every bit of it."
Yes, technically this is two paragraphs, but I have a reason for breaking it down the way I did. Setting the first sentence aside from the rest of your writing is a way of creating a "hook," something to pull readers into your story. Plus, the sentence make more of an impact when they're separated from the others in the way they are now.
Next, watch your verb tenses. For example, instead of writing the following this way:
"His grip tightened, and her head went banging into the unforgiving concrete wall with a crisp smack."
Try this:
"His grip tightened, and her head banged into the unforgiving concrete wall with a crisp smack."
Finally, watch your punctuation, especially concerning your commas. For instance, instead of this:
"He continued relentlessly entirely unaware of the fresh wetness that spilled from her face onto his."
Try this:
"He continued relentlessly, entirely unaware of the fresh wetness that spilled from her face onto his."
Tiny details like these are what will make sure your work is as polished as possible, allowing its awesomeness to shine to its full potential.
Again, awesome work. Your passion for writing shows in your work. If you ever need anything reviewed, just let me know!
Always keep writing.
-Rose
This is an amazing piece. From the moment I began to read I was sucked in. The lack of descriptions of the characters and setting triggers the reader's imagination (kind of like Hemingway) which actually makes the story more vivid than it would've been with more descriptions. Stories that forces you to imagine are often more interesting than stories where the settings and such are served on a plate.
It's dark in a way that makes me think about cruelty and the pain it causes. It also makes me wonder who that girl is. Is she really an invalid or is she a normal girl who have been convinced into believing that something is wrong with her.
This piece makes me ask questions, a lot of questions, which means you've obviously managed to catch my interest. Good job!
Wow, despite how dark this really, truly was, I really truly liked it. There was a certain raw emotion there I find you can try to write about, but it's really hard to actually mimic it into words.
I've just read A Thousand Splendid Suns, and can kinda relate this character's torment to that of one of the protagonists in the novel -- which is also why I find this style of writing to be perfectly suitable for this subject matter, as its slightly simplistic (not in a bad way), but also just abstract enough to make you really ponder what you're reading.
I think if you wanted to, you could probably add more of the description of the man, simply to get a better idea of how the "beast" looks; however, I find that the way you've left this could also be perfectly valid, because there could be other ways of looking upon the "man". My second interpretation (one formed by reading between the lines an through the literal descriptions) have led me to think that he could also very well serve as one of her own personal demons -- not necessarily a physical entity, but something borne in her mind, something that torments her daily; the same kind of thing that torments many girls these days to harm themselves because they, too, believe themselves to be "invalids" in the eyes of other people.
That aside, you could maybe do to add a little more clarity, or set the scene a little better, just to make it more suspenseful, and root the reader into the story so that they can't stop reading, even if they wanted to. That aside, I think that this deserves a "like" because of the alternate meanings that this story has the potential to have.
Thanks for the awesome critique. Originally, this was a psychological experiment I had in my head. I would have people read it and then tell me about the man. What he looked like and stuff like that. It was interesting to see who fit this evil character. Now that I've finished that little shindig of mine, I suppose I could do what's best and finally give him a face. 
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