Hello there kerokaeru! I, Murtle, usually known as Kyllorac, will be reviewing you today, on this very fine Review Day.

With that said, onto the review!

The first thing I noticed straightaway was how all the text is bunched up together. It makes this piece quite intimidating and difficult to read. You might want to go back into the editor and manually add in paragraph breaks and such. It's a pain, but it makes your piece so much easier for people to read, which means you'll be more likely to get more reviews/comments.

The next thing I noticed, as I began to read, were how each action read like a list. "I did this. I did that." It's a bit monotone, which makes it a bit boring. Combined with how mundane the actions you're talking about are, and the beginning isn't particularly interesting. This is particularly bad at the beginning of a piece, since the beginning is what's supposed to hook your readers and make them want to keep on reading.

Try varying your sentence structures a bit and talking about more interesting things. The breakfast is an interesting one, so you could focus on that. Also try focusing on the narrator's feelings on what they're doing. First-person narrators are characters too, and the best way to get your readers interested in a story is to form a connection with them. Including how the narrator feels about what their doing is a good way to form that connection.

Little things like "It was 6 AM when I woke up. Too early in the morning, if you asked me, but I had to get to work." really go a long way in making your narrator stand out as a character, while also making them relatable, which helps readers form connections.

Basically, readers relate to emotions and reasons for why a character does things. It's a good idea to mention them in the narration.

Hey Kerokaeru!

It looks like you've written a festive piece as we're getting close to Christmas! I wonder if it was inspired by you (or someone you know) doing Secret Santa?

First of all, a little nit-pick: after the first time you use the phrase Secret Santa, you don't need to use the quotation marks around it after that. You've introduced the concept to the reader (which you explained very well, by the way!) and I think they're capable of remembering it for the length of this piece. It's easy to patronise the reader -- you can give them more credit than this.

Also consider paragraphing the text more. Ideally you should begin a new paragraph every time you change the idea of what you're doing. For example, a natural place to put one near the beginning would be before the sentence beginning "When I arrived at my office...". This would show the passage of time more clearly and also separate the ideas of home and work. Have a play around with it until you find a style that showcases your work best.

Another thing to watch out for is lists. Listing is such an easy mistake to make when writing -- you have a clear idea of how things unfold in your head and you want to pass that information to the reader as quickly as possible. But hold on a moment! The reader has picked up your book because they're looking for something interesting to read. If you just give them a list of what you did "I woke up at 6am. I fixed my bed and took a bath. I cooked fried rice, hotdog, and eggs." then things feel very linear and boring. You can add interest by describing things in more detail, or adding the thoughts of the protagonist, etc. Grab a fiction book off yourself and try to see how the author makes events seem interesting. You can learn a lot from reading carefully!

Finally, I wonder why everyone in this piece is unable to speak! Have another look at that fiction book you were just studying. I guarantee that there'll be some speech on the page you're looking at. Characters are such important parts of novels, and they're brought to life the best when they're given a voice. As the author, you're responsible for breathing that life into them. Try to think how the protagonist would speak to Anne and how Anne would reply. It forces you to make them more like real people, and the reader will appreciate the trouble you've taken to make them interesting.

I think that's enough tips for now. If you have any questions / want me to clarify anything, just let me know. Good luck, and happy writing!