Holly

Hey Harbour!

I'm going to do a quick review. I'll keep it concise, since I'm tired and I really want to go to bed. Good luck getting this published, it's full of potential, and with a little bit of elbow grease, I'm sure you will!

Okay, here goes!

The shiny white sidewalk,
Almost glittering

I wouldn't say a sidewalk is shiny. I would say that new sidewalks glitter. Look for a better way to describe the sidewalk than 'shiny', and you're set.

The new leaves,
That were here after appearing suddenly

I think you'd be well off just to say the new leaves appeared suddenly. Otherwise this sentence is a fragment. It's poetry though, so fragments aren't unacceptable. But I think the wording would be smoother if you rephrased this line.

The rest of the poem is very well written. You are reminiscing on an a memory of a sibling, or an old friend. Maybe this memory was a fond one. I liked how you compared the way time passed with her physical traits, instead of measuring the time by years.

In my opinion, you could start this poem at the fifth stanza, and you wouldn't be missing anything.

Well done, Harb! You have a great shot at getting published. Always, always, always keep editing, changing, and improving your work. Don't be like me and leave entire novels sitting on your hard drive.

Keep up the good work, Harb, and keep writing!

Hello there again! Sorry for taking so long to take you up on your review request. But here I am now.

Overall, this is a cute piece. There were certain details that I really liked and others that I didn't like so much. I'm going to begin by separating a few lines from the rest of your poem and focusing on them.

"The shiny white sidewalk,
Almost glittering
The new leaves,
That were here after appearing suddenly"

I like the first two lines. It's easy for me to picture sunlight shining on concrete, the light so bright that the cement almost sparkles. I'm not crazy about the third and fourth lines; I feel that there's something off about them. Judging by the mention of new leaves, I take it that your poem takes place during spring. If I were you, I'd consider keeping the third line and replacing the fourth with something that elaborates on the concept of springtime. It will add a little bit of magic to your poem and establish a more vibrant background for your story to take place in.

"Your small hand
Waving
Your tiny face
Beaming across the parking lot
The wind promising
That the sun would soon be shining
In our hair."

These are probably my favorite lines of the poem. They're not overly wordy, but there's enough depth behind the actions described in them to keep me interested. Nice work.

You have a cool concept here, but I don't feel that you've used it to its fullest potential, at least in a poetic format. After reading this poem a few times, I think I understand what's missing.

When I read a poem, I want to read words assembled in a manner that is the vocabularistic equivalent of a painting. I want the words to be like colors, playing off of each other, sometimes blending together, other times bleak and set apart from the rest. In short, to create an interesting poem, you must use colorful words.

If I were you, I'd purchase a thesaurus or take advantage of an online resource that will supply you with a plethora of interesting synonyms. Instead of using words like "beautiful" and "small," you'll find yourself writing words like "sublime" and "miniscule." This will take your writing beyond the awesomeness that already is and instill it with a flair that sets you apart from other writers.

Remember, my suggestions are merely that: suggestions. They are my opinions, and, at the end of the day, your thoughts concerning your work are paramount. If you disagree with what I've written, feel free to disregard them entirely.

Nice work! Always keep writing. And if you ever need another review, please let me know!

-Rosie