'It'

Hi! I liked the piece alot. I loved how you portrayed your idea of this connection between two people.

The flow for me is too fast, and alot of it has to do with the fact you went from longer lines to two word lines. When i get to the next part at "It's just a thing..." it gets all mumbled because I'm trying to slow down, just something to think about.

The ending was a tad off as well. It doesn't really feel like and ending. (I even strugle with it so don't be too sad) But if you like it keep it!

Overall its well written, and has a great message! Good job!

What i like about your poem is the rhyming of words and the way it is constructed,..
Keep going,..
=)

Beautiful. I really wish I had it. Honestly, right now I could really use a little it.

This is all totally up to you, and that's fine. Let me start with what is right:

I can totally sense emotion in this piece, which is awesome. You can't find emotion in just any poem, which really does suck, but when you find one that does, it makes your day. At least, it does when your trying to pick 0 points up to 150 so you can finally post your own poem again.

I also like the mixture of diction, and the frame of your piece. Most people, myself included, write using pretty little stanzas, and think we're real good, that since it looks like a poem, it's alright. In practice, that's total bs, and anyone who tells you different is lying to themselves. Poems should be significant to yourself, and should be your own. Why should you stick to someone else's perfect little structure,especially when it gets your point across just fine! Don't fix what ain't broke, right?

Now for what you could do better in the future:

You can now stop reading, because this is nitpicking stupidity that nobody wants to read, and I don't want to type.

You could throw in a few more rhymes so your lines are more memorable, but lets be honest with each other, rhyming is why over used and over rated. If you rhyme,great, but if you don't, it's still poetry, right?

Another thing you could throw in is meter, which I absolutely love, but in this piece, it's not necessary. I leave you with these to think about, because my computer keyboard is fritsing.

Good job VimesyPumpkin! I didn't see vary much to critique

I think its a little odd how some of the lines are really long, and others really short. It would sound better if you evened it out a little more. They can still be deferent lengths, but you don't seam to have a in between; it's just long, or short.

About halfway through the line "And when it's returned, you two" I think there should be a comma at the end of that.

I like the way this poem sounds like a it's about having a relationship with another person, but it never actually says it.

Keep up the good work!!