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Young Writers Society



What comes next? - Chapter 1 (Part 2)

by Dreamergirl


(2) The beginning.

Well, this is where it all begins. We’re all the laughing, blushing, gasping, crying all those other emotions come to life. This is my story, a high school girl who once upon a time believed that throwing coins into a fountain would make all your wishes come true. This was when I was stupider and of course, life was easier.

You might wonder why the beginning comes after in my story. Well, it wouldn’t be my story if things were completely normal. After all, this Cinderella doesn’t actually get her happy ending; or does she?

Every story’s incomplete without the director’s touch, after all it’s up to him to decide whether to edit the sad parts or keep them.

2 Years Ago.

15th April 2010.

Summer in the cities is more like a cup of coffee ready to fill you with high spirits, as you see flowers’ blooming, sunshine falling on windows, as the summer breeze induces trees and nature around it. It makes life seem perfect, just perfect. If almost missing your bus in the morning isn’t counted; then it seemed like a pretty good start to Natalie’s morning, rushing through the hall ways of St. Peters; ‘Hey, what’s up?’ said Kate. Natalie and Kate were childhood friends, from being neighbors to classmates, the both of them have always been together. ‘Why can’t our school understand that we’ve got better things to do in life then home work?’ said Natalie, ‘It wouldn’t be called a school then’, said Kate sarcastically.’

‘Anyways how’s Harvey?’, ‘He’s just perfect, amazing as always’ Kate said. That has got to be the most disgusting thing anyone could ever say thought Natalie in her head. Though Kate was her best friend, you have got to admit Harvey was nothing but a complete whore and not to forget; officially the ugliest guy in senior high. If only she knew that the day when he asked her about Kate it wasn’t meant to be in the ‘just friends’ way.

Friends can be like hurricanes; no I mean seriously sometimes they do behave completely alike. Rushing through the doors of the girl’s restroom like it’s the end of the world came accelerating like a wild horse, or should I say retarded unicorn; came Stephanie. Natalie and Stephanie had been in the same class since two years now, but they got even closer this year. ‘Hey Steph’, ‘Omg, the guy who just walked by is so cute’ gasped Stephanie, ‘Oh common, he’s an entire year younger to you Steph’ Kate said. ‘Just keep walking guys’ said Natalie.

‘Don’t we have a substitution period right now?’ said Stephanie. ‘I don’t know, let’s go check’. ‘I’m coming too’ said Kate, ‘Fine come along blonde one’ said Natalie. Unfortunate luck is when you’re walking down the school hallways and you bump into a teacher. And then she starts speaking, then only one thing can save you God; unless he sends an angel to do his work.‘Good Morning ma’am.’, there he was, walking by - Drake Anderson. ‘Escape now or remain here forever under Mrs. Spencer’s shadow’ said Natalie but didn’t exactly notice that her friends weren’t listening.

And then, ‘OMG, who is he?’ said Kate star struck, I wasn’t something unusual for Natalie, it’s something she has to go through every day. ‘Umm guys, hate you break it to you, but you’re not dogs. Stop drooling!’ said Natalie. You know that annoying moment when you say something and no one’s listening, not because their busy but because their complete idiots. ‘Hey, ever heard of the word listening; that’s exactly what you guys aren’t doing at the moment’. Natalie said trying hard to get the attention of her ‘preoccupied’ friends. ‘What’s his name?’ said Stephanie. ‘Don’t you know? He’s Drake, the jock from the football team.’ Natalie said. ‘You know HIM?!’ said Stephanie in a completely amazed tone. ‘Yeah of course, who doesn’t? After all he is one of the strongest chick magnet’ said Natalie is a dismayed tone. ‘OMG, I think I’m going to faint’ said Kate. ‘Why don’t you do me favor, kill me before you do that yeah?’ said Natalie.

Every day, you look at a thousand faces some of which that are familiar with, while the others are unknown, but sometimes; you see a face that you never forget. She just couldn’t get him out of her head, ‘Okay, now I seriously think I’m going to crazy; Drake, of all the people?’ thought Natalie. There hundreds of voices she could hear inside her head, but only one voice did she hear from her heart. She tried to keep busy but it was even harder when all that her friends talked was him. Natalie and Drake were friends, but they weren’t that close. They just knew each other; they had never even spoken to each other in public. Then why did he always bring a smile on Natalie face’s when he thought of him?

Every time she watched walk him away, she wanted to speak; but never could. She would freeze, like no part of her body was working, as if she was paralyzed.

They kept talking through the internet, whether it magic or sheer faith, their new friendship eventually grew, and they began talking to each other very frequently. But in all of that Drake was never able to realize that Natalie’s feelings for him were much more than friendship.

Natalie and Drake, Drake and Natalie; it had a ring to it; Natalie liked the way it sounded. For Natalie, Drake was someone she wanted to be with he was sweet, fun, crazy. To her, Drake was like the sun after heavy rain; tender, passionate and warm. With him she always felt like a four year old girl, he made her believe in fairytales. She always thought to herself. ‘Every girl waits for her knight in the shinning armor, while I’m waiting for my loser in the tin foil.’

‘People say all sorts of stupid things about love; to me it’s very simple; Love is Drake’ thought Natalie.

Keeping secrets friends can turn out to be the most challenging ever; they are like machines who can read your mind back and forth; like an MRI scan. Watching Natalie’s behavior, Kate knew there was something that had happened, she acted differently, like she just jumped out of Shakespeare’s sonnet. Kate knew Natalie was changing, she was beginning of believe in all those stupid stories and it wasn’t difficult for Kate to understand that it wasn’t something that had brought this change; it was rather someone.

Some things in life just happen; they don’t need a valid reason, or perfect timing. Sometimes, those things become the best memories ever. Natalie was crazy about him. It didn’t matter whether he knew or not, she didn’t even expect anything from him, all she knew was he completed her, without him she was hollow. Nothing, absolutely nothing could replace his smile. The way he walked, how every time she saw him, her eyes would follow him like a shadow that trailed along his footsteps. His presence had becoming mesmerizing to her; she liked him more and more every day. ‘I don’t think it’s even possible to feel this way about someone’. When you love someone you like everything that comes with them; you learn to love all bads about them and become loyal to all the goods. There isn’t any place for agony or jealousy. What’s left behind is that feeling that you get when your heart skips a beat for them. All that happened around Natalie was like a paranormal illusion, but what she had forgotten was that illusions aren’t real; they never are that strong or solid enough for you to stand firm about. But undoubtedly, Natalie didn’t care, nothing mattered now. The ringing of bells around her were obviously loud enough for more than one person to hear.

And as the two friends stormed out of class, ‘So I was thinking, maybe I should tell him, I guess he’ll be able to make it to the party,’ Kate said. ‘Tell who?’, ‘Drake of course, who else?’, ‘No, it’s okay. I’ll talk to him,’ Natalie said abruptly ‘Oh that’ll be fine too, so then tell me what he says tomorrow okay?’ said Kate. ‘Tomorrow?!, wait I’m not going to talk to him so soon, give me some time.’ Natalie said. ‘Now, why do you need time?’ asked Kate confused. ‘Because I’m shy, I can’t just go and talk to him straight away’. And that’s when Natalie blurted in all out, she wished that she never opened her mouth that moment, but it had already happened. Kate finally knew the reason; why her friend who could never even manage to read a love story had finally made her own.


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Thu Aug 08, 2013 7:42 pm
KnightTeen wrote a review...



I like this a lot so far, but there are some things that I would like to mention.

1)

We’re all the laughing, blushing, gasping, crying all those other emotions come to life.


There's no transition here from the first part of the sentence to the second. It makes it feel very abrupt. It's a very good sentence, it just needs some transition. This is what I mean:

We’re all the laughing, blushing, gasping, crying, and all those other emotions come to life.


A little transition goes a long way.

2) You should stop using apostrophes in place of quotation marks. They each serve a totally different purpose.

3)
has got to be the most disgusting thing anyone could ever say thought Natalie in her head.


Use italics for when people are thinking, to distinguish it from the rest of the paragraph.

4)
to me it’s very simple; Love is Drake’


Period at the end of a sentence and the 'L' doesn't need to be capitalized.

All in all, very good. There were a few little grammar errors, but those were mostly typos so I won't mention them. Can't wait to read the next part, I really like you style.


Happy Writing!
HT



Random avatar
Dreamergirl says...


Hey, Thankyou so much. Really appreciate the feeback.

I'll already uploaded the next part, I'll PM it to you.




I support the shrek message.
— MiniGem26