Sweet Temptations- Introduction by misshayleeelizabeth — Novel / Chapter

Introduction

The night tiptoed across the quiet landscape as the moon sat in the sky, lazily watching the trees dance with the wind. A woman stood in the middle of the heavy, fading skyline.She had been running. She could feel her knees shaking as she stood there.She breathe in and out as she just stood there. Her hair was as black as a raven's wing, her skin as pale as a bowl of milk. Her white dress was torn and covered in fresh blood. The woman's face was frozen with fear as she seemed to be staring somewhere in the distance. The woman soon fainted and softly fell to the snow covered ground. The snow began to fall across the silent landscape. The wind blew slowly as it carried the snow in its arms.

A man who had been watching her from behind a tree walked slowly towards her. The scene that laid before him looked like a quiet dream that he once had.The woman that was there,he knew who she was and cared for her a great deal. The man had short blonde hair that flowed in the wind. His eyes were a clear, bright blue. He could feel tears running down his cheeks and freezing in the cold. He could sense that a storm was coming, so he picked the woman up and started to head towards his hidden cabin in the woods. The air he walked seemed to be fill the smell of blood and ash. The man looked down at the woman that was sleeping in his arms. Her parents were now dead. She had no one left in this world.

He looked down at his cabin. It was small and brown. The windows shined light onto the snow. The chimney seemed to greet him as it waved smoke into the air. The snow was beginning to fall faster as the wind got colder. The man pushed the old wooden door to let himself in as he watched the snow that melted on the floor. He placed the woman on his bed in the other room.The man stood in his living area, thinking. He went back outside. He decided that he would follow the smell of blood and ash. After walking for about hour, he came upon a house that had been burning for quite awhile. The man closed his eyes as he waved his hand across the house. The flamed stopped and the man went into the house. There was really nothing left as the man looked for the bodies of the womans family Soon after walking up stairs, he found a picture that hadnt been touched by the fire. It was of the woman and her mother and father. The woman looked very much like her mother. Same hair. Same eyes. The man put the picture inside of his coat. He walked into the room where the bodies of her father and mother. They were burned beyond recognition. The man picked them up and headed outside to bury them. The snow had stopped falling as he begun to dig graves from them. The man when he was done knelt down and gave a silent prayer for the family and then went back to the cabin.

When he got back to the cabin, he went to check on the woman. She was still sleeping. He went by her side as she slept.

"I am sorry you have to go through this.. But it is all a part of a greater plan. I just know it is" The man placed a hand on her cheek as he begun to walk away from her. The man went out to the fireplace as he knelt down and began to pray.

"God, I have found her. Her family was killed by the minions of the dark lord." The man whispered, hoping to get an answer.

"Ah, Aleksandr. Do you have any news about why he would want her?" God asked, as he touched Aleksandr on the shoulder. Aleksandr stood up and turned around.

"No, I haven't yet. I believe that he wants her as his bride because of some type of power she has. It seems that she has special abilities that he plans to use for evil." Aleksandr placed a hand on his chin as he talked.

Everything was silent for a moment, then God spoke once more. " Keep an eye on her. Don't tell her what you are until you feel it is needed. And, keep your feelings to yourself. You know the law."

Aleksandr bowed his head as God disappeared. It was true that Aleksandr was in love with her, but the law say that guardian angels cant fall in love with their humans. He didn't know if he could keep his feelings locked up forever. With a sigh, he sat on the couch wondering if she knew about her powers and about angels. The sun was beginning to rise as Aleksandr stood up. He walked over to check on Lily once again before he left. She was still asleep when Aleksandr poked his head in to the room where she lay. He stood in the doorway for a moment.

"What I going to do?" Aleksandr sighed and then he went out to collect more firewood and some food.

Hey, Pix here to review a s requested.

I assume you've been writing for a while based on this work. It shows potential. I liked potential. On you're requested, you ordered specific things. What I liked and all that. yes, I know.

What you are good at:

- You are really good at the way you used all the details! Amazing! My favorite had to be this paragraph:

The night tiptoed across the quiet landscape as the moon sat in the sky, lazily watching the trees dance with the wind. A woman stood in the middle of the heavy, fading skyline.She had been running. She could feel her knees shaking as she stood there.She breathe in and out as she just stood there. Her hair was as black as a raven's wing, her skin as pale as a bowl of milk. Her white dress was torn and covered in fresh blood. The woman's face was frozen with fear as she seemed to be staring somewhere in the distance. The woman soon fainted and softly fell to the snow covered ground. The snow began to fall across the silent landscape. The wind blew slowly as it carried the snow in its arms.

That involved very much emotion and detail, amazing quality of a writer. Though the way you described the way the landscape and how the girl looked, and what had happened, was something I was surprised with. I'd never imagined someone would use the word- "tiptoed" as an expression for 'falling' but that was a very unique way of saying so. You know what I mean? : )

- You were also good with the format which lots of other people are not. Many just copy and paste the paragraphs from word, and they come out peiced together. Annoyyiinggg

. It confuses the reader. But you did it just the way we like it!

- You made it religeous . I probrably didn't spell that right...But whatever. When you make things religeous it gives off beliefs. For example: You probrably belive in god. Jews do... but not Jesus and everything. -I'm just gonna stop there and not ge into religons and all that- and that's showing off what [i] you[/b] believe in.

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What you can do better:

- Speaking . In the sentences where you have someone speaking, you put a period at the end of it. Try a comma. The proper grammar rule is - After every sentence when someone is speaking, you use a - , - to verfy someone saying - he/she said.

- You need to work on you're names. You use 'he' or 'she' too much. Try to use their names?

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That's mostly all! If you need another review, then feel free to drop by!

~ PixieStix

Sweet Temptations- Introduction

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Sweet Temptations

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