Young Writers Society

This is an interesting poem, though I am a bit confused. It flows nicely in the first half and nicely in the second half. Yet I don't see how the two halves fit together. Of course since it is poetry things don't always have to fit, but it would have been nice to see a connection back to the title in the end, or even have it tie together in the end. I did like this poem though. Poetry is an interesting genre that doesn't have many rules in certain styles so it is always nice to read a variety of different kinds.

First of all, sorry if i repeat anything since I haven't read the comments!
I could empathize with you in the beginning and was reminded of something I'd write while being angry. However, the last half of the poem really confused me. It seemed like it didn't belong, and I felt like there was no context for it.

Okay, so I must have a really thick head, because I don't find this offensive. BUT I also don't find it humorous (as categorized), interesting, or even ... it just doesn't quite make sense. I'll take a wild jab at interpreting this, though:
The narrator hates someone (they have an ongoing fight, perhaps), they decide to take their feud to another, final level, and have some sort of race (a scavenger hunt?), where the prize is the loser paying the ultimate price (death). Also, they can play it dirty.

I can see that you're trying to convey immense hatred, but I'm not really feeling it. The first first line is just basically "I hate you", and okay, SO WHAT?

There's really not much more I can say that has not been covered other than despite what has been said by a previous reviewer, the rhythm and rhyme is NOT nice, because there IS no rhythm and rhyme. Frankly, you kind of just exploded words over a blank document.

I'd suggest maybe working on organizing your thoughts when it comes to writing. You've got a layer of mockery in between the lines, and I think that's what you're trying to display, but it's not coming out right.

I apologize for the mixed reviews. I believe you could probably churn out something decent, but this wasn't it. At all, really.

Very well sinister but I like it shoes the passion of the hate for this person and I love how you don't go outand say I hope you die but you use for lack of a better words different words. It makes it enjoyable and not just oh I hate you go die. Though I would have liked to see why the person hates them so much, just a thought.

Heh! you certainly just hellishly and devilishly hate that person don't you? Well, it is a very short sweet and a mocking sort of a poem that has some feelings of hatred in it. Anyway, you are very clever to express your wish for that certain someone to die in a very tricky manner. It sort of has a bit of rhythm too and that is a good thing. Keep writing. Ciao!

Hey,

Most of the other reviewers have summed most of it up.

It is rather full on and a bit disjointed. The first line that says, do not take it personally. Well it is sort of hard not to. I felt like some body was really going to try and kill me.
In that sense it does get your point across but maybe just use different words to still get your message cross but not make it so full on and in your face. The best type of poem is one that makes you think.

I didn't follow the story line at all. You seem to jump from one story to the next.
The last two stanzas seemed pointless to the rest of the poem.

You wrote "shall gain a priceless price," it needs to be prize.

Yes this review is harsh and I'm sorry but it needs some serious fixing up!

Good job though, you do have nice flow!

First off, that was highly offensive! Secondly, the poem really doesn't make sense...

"Whoever gets it found
and next to it resides,
shall gain a priceless price,
and no rules to abide."

What was that supposed to mean?
I'm sorry, but I really didn't understand the poem and it was just not that great!
~Liz's sis

Hiya, I'm going to review this. The poem seems a bit disjointed and I'm having trouble figuring out what the first part has to do with the second. No one really likes to hear that they are hated, and the reader (me in this case) feels a bit offended by your sudden, unexpected hatred of the reader (me). The beginning doesn't grip the reader to read on, it makes the reader want to move on to something else in a huff. Not the way you want to start your poem.
It's not really that humorous in any way and I don't know what you mean by "Chineesia." Sorry if this review seems harsh; you have nice flow (something a LOT of poets aren't good at) so good job on that! And welcome to YWS since you're still kinda new-ish! Hope this review helps!
-tgirly

Hi, I'm Alliyah here to review your poem!

So, the tone of this poem is a little almost offensive, especially with the title and first 2 lines. A reader could potentially be put off by the title. Why shouldn't we "take it personally" like your poem says? There's alot of emotion behind this poem and the rhymes are pretty good as well.

Well as far as suggestions, I'm really not sure exactly how to follow the story you're telling through the poem. There seems to be a break between the 4th and 5th stanza. The first half is about hating "you" and then the rest is almost like a treasure hunt somewhat and I'm not feeling the hate as much. I like the idea of a treasure hunt type of metaphor that you're creating but I wish there was more information about it all. I would suggest just maybe adding more lines to connect the two halves and expand on the secound half's ideas and story.
I didn't see any spelling mistakes Good luck in continuing to write!

~alli-wa~