Young Writers Society

Hey there, nice poem, there's alot of emotion in just these few verses. I didn't see any spelling mistakes but there were a couple edits you could do.

Edits:
I would capitalize all the words in the title to make it seem more pollished. Although there were some rhymes in the 1st and 2nd stanza and even the 3rd stanza you could add even more rhyme or switch some lines around to make it seem more rhymy.
Another thing I would suggest would be to not italicize "He" in the 2nd stanza because I'm not sure that it adds, or what the italics mean in that line.

I would take a secound look at the 1st stanza for commas and periods as well because I think it's missing some punctuation.

You have alot of interesting thoughts and personifications throughout the poem and it was an easy read. Thank you for posting and good luck in continuing to write!

~Alliyah~

I especially like this piece while I cannot relate It to my dad luckily I can understand what you mean. you described the fathers deceitful nature very well and didn't" put to much description into any one thing.great job and make more sheep monoxide.

I really liked this piece. It reminds me of how I feel when my dad gets angry with me. He tends to lie and say bad things when he's mad and it makes me feel hurt and it makes me feel like I can't trust him anymore. This poem is a great representation of a parent who's angry and the child that can only say how they felt about it through a poem. I didn't see anything wrong other than this: "My father is deadly spider" needs to be "My father is a deadly spider."