Young Writers Society

Google: Lucy James 1936.

I don't think it matters who Lucy James is. I think that what we're looking at is a poem on time. Long enough that the possibility of forgetting the colour of the sheets (a small detail) is likely but also long enough that the narrator has learned something new. We'll assume that during the relationship they didn't know who Lucy James was - what that meant. So we already have a broken relationship - an important one if the colour of the sheets is even a factor - and time and an important person/place/thing that the narrator has grown into understanding.

It's an apology and an offering and a boast all at once, in poem form. It says "I remember you and us and how we went wrong but I know these things now because I am older and wiser and it is only the colour of the sheets that I need/can/should remember because the rest is gone and we can't get that back. I am a moment represented in the wrappings. Not what's in but what is outer, discarded, lost, passed. Whether that is intended or subconscious or made up by me - it's there.

So I think the form works here, it's not terribly interesting but it's solid and I think it works for me. It could be longer, but explaining an injoke is never really fun for anyone, so I'd stick with it how it is.

I'm' afraid I don't understand this, when I looked up Lucy James I found she was some model but I still don't' understand it.Well the bedsheets line sounds kind of like something that could have potential.Your' reviews will be the same unless you change it to be honest with you.
sorry.

Uh you've asked for a review on this but I'm not sure how helpful I can be! I had to look up who Lucy James is and I'm missing all the references here. Which the poem seems to revolve around. So I don't get the joke I'm afraid!

Which leaves just your wording and your syntax to comment on. Oh and the overall design I guess, uh... any reason for skipping more than one line before the end part or any lines at all in fact? I think it would flow better if you had all three lines together or maybe just skipped one line. It's such a short poem though that it looks very strange dividing the lines as you have.

With poems like this I think there needs to be more. You can't make a quip and call it a poem, not unless it's a very accessible quip. You're closing yourself off to so much of the available audience when you pick something so very obscure! But. If you want to do this, what you need to do is make it about more than just these lines. You need to give the readers who can't access the quip something they can understand so they still have a chance at enjoying the poem. Or make them curious and entangled enough that they're willing to spend an hour scouring the internet to find out what your reference is to. I'm afraid that googling the name was about all I could be bothered with and when it wasn't obvious after that, I gave up.

One last thing before I go: I'm not sure about the role of 'quite' here. I think that first line might be better off without it. It flows better and rolls off the tongue much more smoothly. Quite is a strange word, you never quite know what tone to put behind it! It also feels surplus right away because it's one of those words you use when you're searching for something to say or a way to say something

I'll leave you to it then but let me know if you have questions or would like a review of something else

Heather xxx