Yet another Chapter List review tonight. Man I'm on a roll.
Between this and the last chapter, it's more disjointed than the smooth flow of before. When first introduced into the scene, I was really confused. It wasn't until a few sentences later when I'm told that they're with the other werewolves. So much of that important in-between stuff is missing.
Your dialogue is good in this chapter and I'm happy to finally have had one of them phase into a werewolf. Though the description of what the wolf form looks like is missing. I've also noticed that even though I know that the MC is a girl, I've got no idea what she looks like.
The action also comes in too soon. It's like your pushing for the action to always be there. There's no chance for a breather at all. It just seems like you're missing out on so much of the story. It once again feels like this is simply a more detailed outline disguised as a chapter.
What I'm reading into this is talk about always running, be attacked by the whitecoats, get shot by gun. It's so much like an outline that it's not funny. Though, the actual bit about being hit by the bullet is brilliant. It's obvious that when you remember to include them, descriptions are your best asset; remember what I said about natural talent? I said that for a reason, not to not make you feel so bad.
I'm also interested as to where and how they learned how to defend themselves like that. It's like BAM they're martial are experts. Is it a part of being a werewolf? When writing it's not just about the action and the basic storyline.
You need to put in all the stiff that makes the readers laugh and cry. You need to give them reasons to feel compassion or anything really for the characters. Spend a scene or a chapter or two on letting the reader get to know the characters. Show them why they should feel worried when the MC gets injured.
These relationships between the characters and reader are a major element in what makes a good story. Yes, keeping them hooked and feeding them action is important, but you need to balance it in with personalities, scenes, background info, and normal activities. Even great heroes in great stories have their moments where they fall apart or have fun with their friends doing something normal.
Despite what they teach you in school, there's so much more to writing than the beginning, middle, end, and plot. All these dynamics, nuances, and tidbits are all important. Really, a great story could have the end at the beginning, the beginning in the middle, and the middle at the end without it making any difference to how great the story is.
Sorry if I seem rambly, but reviews aren't just about pointing out mistakes, their about helping the author learn and grow, and teaching them how to fix those mistakes. SO many reviews are just all "Replace jale with jai; and shit tightly with tightly shut just because." They're missing the reasons why they need to change and how the suggestions are better.
Man, even i could learn a few things from my own ramblings sometimes.
- noni >( ==)
Points: 4980
Reviews: 96
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