Chapter 1

by ShortBus

Published May 6, 2012


There are a few things I should mention before I paste this chapter. One, I originally intended this to be a graphic novel. I didn't know what a graphic novel was, so I wrote about 80 pages of text untill I found out what a graphic novel was. A graphic novel is basically a comic book with a begining, middle, and end. I guess mine would be a "very well illustrated novel." With that being said, I left out a lot of detail because there would be actual pictures to make up for a lot of things I left out in writing.

I am now rewriting everything so it will be just a normal book. (there is a lot to do)

Another thing, I looked for the rules on the forums but I didn't find any. This peice does contain some vulgar language and violence. So be cautioned if you easily abashed.

To the moderators: If I am breaking any kind of rules, please let me know and I will edit as needed.

Here is the rough draft of my "graphic novel". Enjoy ???.

Prologue

Date. World War III has ended. Among the abrupt end, the entire world had perished. All of the super powers of our world massed an all out nuclear attack on their enemies.

Thousands upon thousands of nuclear missiles erupted on the then thriving, surface of Earth. It did not take long for the earth to perish.

The earth was demolished. Life was devastated. Billions and billions of people were dead instantly. Most of the survivors of the initial devastation did not last long.

As for the few who had survived the aftermath of the world ending war, they sought refuge in the underground. For many years, no one dared to attempt to breach the desolate surface. The uninhabitable surface we once called our home was now a frozen, toxic, and radioactive wasteland. Could anything have survived?

Chapter one

The man with no name trudged through the barren desert, a hot and dusty wasteland full of emptiness. Alone, this faceless speck walked. Not knowing where he was going or what was going to find him, he trekked on.

The town of New Hope, as its people deemed it, was visible through the pale green fog which inhabited most of the planet. Though few people made this small town their home, it was thriving. The people were able to make trade goods and use some of the remaining debris for buildings and other useful tools. A community in which every person is important for it to survive.

The fully clothed man had reached the towns perimeters. He arrived at the east end of the one road town. Two men gawked at the man as he made his way towards the town hall. One of those men took off and ran into the tavern. Steadily the nameless man paced towards the center of town.

A large thud sounded as the heavily clothed man entered the broken down building, waking the man behind the counter, almost knocking him off his chair. The startled sheriff stared hard at the dark figure.

“What’s your business here?” The sheriff said with an awkward pitch in his voice.

Realizing the sheriff knew who he was, the man with no name replied, “BLUD.”

After retrieving the documents to his new bounty, the shadowed figure walked to the tavern.

The make shift bar was full of dust, as well as the clambering noise of the people it consumed. All eyes gazed at the shadow as he made his way across the, noticeably quiet, room as he sat at a stool at the bar.

“What you need?” The tender asks.

The eerily mysterious man points to a bottle on one of the shelves behind the bar tender.

Sipping his cup, a solid figure quickly moved behind the mysterious man. A sharp glint caught his eye.

As quick as lightning, a gun shot fills the room. A scraggly man behind him screams in pain. Wielding a ten inch blade the man stands stunned looking down the barrel of a smoking gun.

The dead silence is broken as a hoarse chuckle from a dark corner cuts the air. As the knife wielding man limps away, for fear of his life, attention is aimed at a scruffy, burley man sitting at a corner table in the bar.

“Come on ova here n’ have a sit down.” The big man chuckled. “That kid di’nt know what he was git’n hiself into. Can’t blame the boy fer tryin though. I take it you been to the Serffs office. Well, I saws that there new bounty stroll on in this morning. He should be at that brothel down the road there. Now, the only reason I’m givin you this information is cause-” The burly mans demeanor suddenly lowered. “I know who you are. And I know you’ll be leaving as soon as you came. So do your business here and leave this here town. We don’t want no problems from you, and I’m sure you don’t want none from us.”

At this time the entire tavern was standing around at full attention to the conversation. As calmly as the dark figure entered the tavern, he departed.

The mysterious man was on his way to the brothel. On the way he passed a huge disabled machine. The scholars of the new world learn many things of the old. Although most of life was destroyed, many machines were left intact. Most machines were demolished but were in good enough condition to use for different things.

“Psst, Hey!” Came a voice from out of no where. “I just got a specialty shipment from Forge, that industrial town to the West.”

The man opens a case and pulls out a black rolled up clothe. He unravels it on the back of the machine. Twenty-five red tipped bullets glint in the sunlight.

“Top of the line stuff we got here. These bullets explode on impact. I saw a demonstration at Forge. The guy shot a target in the dark. All you could see is a huge fireball. The aftermath was amazing. If you hit someone in the arm, you can kiss that fucking thing goodbye.”

The dark man turns to walk away.

“You might want to go to Forge. In your line of work it would be well worth the trip.” Said the salesman as the dark figure walks away.

The mysterious man opens the door to the brothel, with fire in his eyes, knowing what he is about to do. Surrounded by horny women, the dark man, stares past them looking for his BLUD.

He spots the man on his way up to a room on the 2nd floor. The dark man calmly walks up the stairs not far behind. A few minutes later he reaches the door his BLUD entered. The dark man kicks the door wide open. He aims at the naked man riding on top of the hooker and pulls the trigger. As the half headed man collapses, the whore screams in horror. The shadowy figure walks away like nothing had happened.

________________________________

On his way out of the sheriffs office, pocket full of cash, the dark man walks towards the end of town to his next destination. He heard muffled screams coming from the church he was passing.

He enters the church and sees a tall skinny preacher on the alter wielding a large knife. A young girl is tied up against a wall. Gagged she screams for her life.

“She is a cursed one.” The preacher belches out. “She is spawned from one of those devilish sluts, There are only a few in this land who can reproduce. The toxins in our air have tainted our seeds. She must be sacrificed to the gods before she can be reached by the devil himself.” The preacher says as he raises his hands in the midst of his rant.

Faster than a pistols hammer, the dark figure reaches into the breast of his coat and hurls two spade knives at the preacher. The knives pierce the preachers hands nailing him into a cross behind him.

The preacher screams in pain. “What the hell are you doing! She is the evil one! We need to act fast. She will ruin this town and even this world!”

The dark man walks closer to the preacher arching his arm behind his head and pulls a large knife from the middle of his back.

“Wait!” The stunned preacher gasps. “I, I know who you are! Your him! Your the man who kills anyone he sees fit to die. The man everyone wants to kill but can't.” Jaw dropped and wide eyed. “Your... The shadow... The one they call, Myst.”

Myst smirks as he bends down to the tied up girl. He cuts her bounded hands and feet. Tears roll down the little girls face as she takes off her gag.

“You don't know what your doing!” The preacher screams. “Damn you! Damn you to hell!”

Myst doesn't even look at the man as he walks past him. He throws down the knife sticking it into the floor in front of the girl as he turns to leave.

The girl picks up the knife and looks at the shadowy figure known as Myst. She watches him intently as he leaves the church.

The girl turns to the squirming preacher and watches him for a moment. In that brief moment, she glimpses her reflection in the mans agonized eyes. She is aware of the preacher swearing at her violently, but she is immune to his vile spatter of words. She stares at her own eyes through his as she jams the knife into the preachers stomach. Blood spews out of his gut, spilling out onto the alter and splashing onto her. She doesn't flinch. She watches her emotionless reaction in the preachers eyes as the remaining life in them slowly fade.

She makes sure to turn away before the man that was about to slay her died. She wasn't finished with him. Outright killing the man will not do justice. She knocks over the candles that lit the alter. The alter takes no time at all to catch ablaze. The preachers gurgling screams were no match for the intense heat against his body.

As the door shuts behind him, Myst ignores the muffled screams of the preacher, the shadow embarks on his journey across the barren wasteland to where ever his feet take him.

Comments & reviews · 2
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JabberHut
Review
JabberHut wrote a review Review · May 11, 2012

Hi, Bus! I saw your request, so I figure I'd stop by. :) Feel free to visit the WRFF forum under the Writers Corner section in Forums. (viewforum.php?f=188). You can request reviews from a couple members there -- even check their first post to see what kinds of things they specialize in reviewing! You're guaranteed a review from them. :)

So this story is pretty cool. In fact, it would make a great graphic novel. When I read this, I constantly thought of the movie [i}The Book of Eli[/i]. I don't know if you've seen it or if the movie inspired you, but it's a good movie. I recommend it if you haven't seen it. :)

Of course, a sort of apocolypse has been a popular trend in literature of any media lately, ja?

So regarding your story! Since you're planning on turning this into a novel, I'll give my thoughts about that. I can tell this is rough and that you were writing for a graphic novel, but regular novels are challenging in thier own way!

Novels take their time in telling the story. It's a long story, and it takes its time. Therefore, adding length and more detail would be beneficial for you. The trick is to get the reader to feel like they're there. You know how when you read a book, you get so pulled into the story that you're unaware of what's going on around you in real life? That's what you want. You want to make the story seem so real to the reader that they just want to stay in your world and keep reading. Therefore, paying attention to description of what's important in each part of the story (i.e. setting, think of the five human senses, what the main character would be sensing, what's important to the plot), characterization (though you have pretty good characterization of Myst so far, but he's the only one) and the details/habits those characters possess, and so forth.

Specifically, I wonder about that girl? I imagined her as a young teen, then that changed to a little girl of about six years, but either way... would she really just kill the priest like that? I didn't imagine her flailing, trying to escape or kick him or anything. She was just screaming. The priest also never looked at Myst when he entered or made any acknowledgment of his entrance. That whole scene seemed farfetched to me.

Grammar is also a significant part to the novel. You had some odd word choices that you wouldn't typically use. For instance, the girl was screaming even though she was gagged. It must have been muffled at the very least. If it was a sock shoved in her mouth, it's really hard to make any sort of noise. (I imagined her with a cloth shoved in her mouth. That's what I think of when the term "gag" is used in this context.) And also the preacher belches his monologue. xDD Belching refers to burping, or at least that's how I think of the term. So yeah, word choice might need to be reconsidered.

It'll take lots of practice and reading of others' work to decide what kind of style you'll be writing in. If you plan to rewrite this as a graphic novel though, I suggest trying it out in a script format. That way, you don't have to worry about too many words, and it's more organized for the illustrator when they begin making the pictures.

Anyhow, that's all I have to say. :) It's a fun story, and I would definitely read more. Pick a media, then pick your style, and just go with it. See how it turns out. Planning it out also will help you decide if pictures would better explain the story or words!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

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26e4u Comment
26e4u commented Comment · May 6, 2012



There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good book. He'd wander into the study, take down some leather-bound volume, and eat it.
— Terence Brady (dog owner)