Young Writers Society

Hey, Sio!

So I'm here to do a review for you. I'm sorry for being late but I thought I'd take the Review day to hoard up on request and then go crazy. xD

Anyway, back to your poem!

the leaves
of fairies' lost
god and lost
treasure trove
drift down from
high heaven to
be lost among
the raking,
blowing, fake,
society of
mankind.

So the poem was sweet and quite innocent in the beginning. I felt you were going for the simple Autumn season poem but it turns out otherwise. This isn't a bad thing but this part in particular was a strong turn from something natural to something human and destructive? Anyway, I didn't quite understand what fairies's lost had to do with falling leaves. Or how treasure trove and high heaven connected to falling leaves either. As for being lost in the the raking, blowing, fake society of mankind seemed to me like the dead leaves at the bottom but that's me and my imagination and I'm not sure if that's what you were going for either. Anyway, this part just needs some more pampering for us to understand what it is about.

Why do children
believe in
impossible things?
Maybe they were
told it, maybe
they read it
somewhere in a
dusty book.

This part kind of pops out to me!
I mean, I like the entire theme of children and their innocence along with the way their minds have no boarder to keep them from imagining things that adults have trouble with. So, I thought you could've taken this a bit deeper but also, try to keep it in without it's presence being so strong in the poem. Remember it started off with falling leaves and then society and fairies and now children. It's lacking structure and consistency right now. :p

But quite possibly
once they
had jumped
into a pile of
those luciferous leaves

Oh, the consistency is back! XD
But it still is a wild poem, I think, and it might be bettered if you could somehow make it more fluid and each stanza tied together?
Also, the use of "Luciferous" is weird. Maybe just "Lucifer's leaves?"
Lucifer is a name, and saying luciferous is the same as saying Christopherous -> which is kinda weird. xD

the sea of fire,
lightning and gold,
they whispered
to her of
ages never told.

Okay! So I think I understand what you're trying to go for now.
Children and jumping into leaves, that are corruption of the imagination, right? It's a nice concept, really. :3
So, my last point in this would be the 'whispered to her of ages never told'.
I am thinking of who 'her' is and I can sort of guess what 'ages never told' means but I can't be sure. Anyway, it's not too hard to pick out what you meant to say in this poem but I think what it needs is some more structure and fluidity. I'm not very good with poem and structure since I'm a fiction writer so I don't want to say anything and have myself be completely wrong about structure - I apologize for not helping you out there. <3

Overall, I did enjoy reading this poem and I think you had a great concept but it also needs a bit more work here and there. Thus, you should really keep writing! I hope this helped and let me know if you have any questions or concerns. I'm a quick PM away.

All the best,
-Pink