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Young Writers Society



A Monster Called Humanity: Ch 1

by Pilot


Sitting in the Osprey, he fastened the gas mask to his head, and checked to assure himself no skin was revealed to the world outside his thick clothing. He stared at the ground, unable to shake himself and his mind of the words and images that haunted him.

He walked down the isle between the two lanes of seats, turned to his left, and sat. The room was quickly filled with the men who had been assigned to the task that lay ahead. John River reached into the right pocket of his jeans, and moved his hand around. He felt nothing. He reached into his left pocket. Nothing. He patted down his entire pants, still nothing. Then he remembered. He reached into the pocket of his shirt that lay over his heart, and pulled out a folded wad of paper. He unfolded it and stared at his girlfriend, the one thing he had of value to him.

She had misty blue eyes, and multiple freckles that were only a shade or two darker than her normal skin tone. Her long brown hair weaved together, hanging over her back, shoulders, and body, to her upper torso. He rubbed his thumb along the edge of the picture, thriving to be home with her, sitting by the fire, reading, watching American Idol, holding each other, warm, secure. At home.

A loud voice interupted the silence, and John looked up, while he silently and quickly refolded the paper and tucked it away.

"As you know, the 3,417 of you were hand selected, because of your abilities in intense and dangerous situations. You have been given a brief explanation or two of the happenings in southern Florida, which has unfortunately spread. With me is viroligist Bill Waters, a near expert of the... this virus." The built man nearly spit out the word 'virus' as if it was a piece of unwelcome dirt in your mouth that you'd eject onto the smoldering pavement in July.

"Thank you, General Cross. Well, the news has done a fair, or well, I guess, job in explaining the situation, but-" The viroligist was interupted harshly.

"We don't have the whole world, Mr. Waters. Cut to the point, if you would ever so kindly." The general looked at the ground as he said this.

"Of couse, general. Now, this virus origins were located in the general Middle East, specifically near the southern border of both Iraq and Iran. Now, this virus was contained in multiple substances blended together. That is another story, we, we can talk about that some other time. Back to the point, it could survive for ages in this mixture, an estimated 49 years. This mixture of solids and liquids was implanted in bombs, which were sent to Cuba in a secret manor. We intercepted this data when it was too late unforunately, because the Cuban recipiants of this package were paid a high amount of money, for them to smuggle it into America. They snuck into Florida, where they planted the bomb in a bar restroom facility, and set it to go off. When it went off, a large explosion erupted into flames, while launching the virus in a 2.5 mile radius.

"The event was reported, and many rescue workes were sent, unaware of the fatal, or so called fatal disease. They became infected, did their work, went home, which for most was over 10 miles away, and spread the virus unknowingly. The next morning a reported 2,578 humans were infected.

"Of course this was 8 days ago, and now most of Florida is over run with this monterous plague. We have found this information out by combining our country's top viroligists, scientists, reporters, researchers, and historians in a mix to fix this A.S.A.P. We found enough to feel secure on the topic. The recent information I shared has a 92.4% chance of being true. But now comes the true stuff, that we are certain of.

"And is unfortunately the scary stuff, as well."

The room went silent, as all eyes beamed at Bill Waters.

"This virus, is ingenious. It is inteligent on it's own. Take HIV, and give it brains, the power to kill, and more. That's what we've got here. In America. It enters the host, and is capable of destroying it's victim's immune system in a matter of hours. It then attacks the body, but slowly, nearly painfully, yet you cannot feel this demon. It literally eats away at tissue, destroying your knowledge as the brain is targeted first. Your ability to think, act resonably and interact with others is destroyed. Everything else seems to be taken away slower.

"No known cure is available. It is near unstopable. Then only way to stop this virus is to kill the host, because we are most certain this infection is unable to transfer without a living home. It will die within minutes without the vital supplies it needs. This is why you are being sent to Florida, to hold the state borders, to kill all who inhabit the state. Yes, it is brutal, but necessary. If you or a fellow soldier is infected, shoot them. Then again. Then again. Then again. Until no blood near moves from the man. How do you tell if they are infected? Sore throat, weakness, coughing, gagging, and the most obvious of them all. The skin turning to a sickly gray.

"We ask of you to succeed in doing this. Otherwise America, and all of North America, and possibly South America could be destroyed and rid of natural life as we know it. The unconnected continents may survive, especially the safest one, Australia, but if any virus reaches them, and we don't prove this thing can be beat, we have no hope.

"Except for the hope that this virus gets back at the idiots who made this thing."

John was elbowed by a man next to him, and pointed to the flashing red light. He nodded, stood up, and put on the parachute pack he was handed. The Osprey's jump door lowered, and he looked out at the dozens of tactical vehicles around them hovering in place, with men jumping out.

He dared himself to look down. And wished he could go home. Nothing was moving. Florida looked dead. Smoke rose from a few houses, but light was barely anywhere. He noticed a man running and raving his arms at a soldier with his gas mask tightened on his face. The man ran, and stopped, as the soldier walked forward.

Then there was a crackle, and the man fell to the ground.

*Originally the Ospreys were helicopters, because I had used the wrong term. I edited the fix. Ospreys are tactical planes that are able to swing up their wings to hover/fly as a helicopter. Thanks to those who pointed out my mistake!


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Thu Feb 27, 2014 2:48 pm
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lostthought wrote a review...



I'm lost, well not literally lost but my name is lostthought. Ok, on to review.

Nitypickys

Ok, so I only saw a few things wrong here, and it is

1

This virus, is ingenious.


2
It is near unstopable.


3
He noticed a man running and raving his arms


Ok, one is an punctuation mistranslation, two is a spelling error, and three is also a spelling error. These can easily be fixed to-

1
This virus is ingenious.


2
It is near unstoppable.


3
He noticed a man running and waving his arms


Praise

Ok, now for praise. I love the theme and idea of this. The virus is a bit like zombies but they are not zombies. The italics is perfect for flashbacks and dreams. This is almost completely original. Great job! Keep writing! I wonder how this is not in the green room...

~lost




lostthought says...


I definitely need to work on my codes.



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Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:29 pm
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RacheDrache wrote a review...



Hey, Pilot! Sorry for the delay!

I'll confess that the thought of biological warfare/a pandemic terrifies me more than nuclear warfare and the other common doomsday scenarios combined--so stories like this make me want to read with a blanket over my head and a flashlight in hand. I'm all jumpy just thinking about it.

I don't think I'm alone in that fear either. It's a downside to the technology we have and the things we think we know and understand. Couldn't have destroyed the world four hundred years ago, or even a hundred and fifty years ago. But life also kinda sucked a hundred and fifty years ago for the majority of people, so there was some give and take.

Anyway, what I'm mean to say is that topics like these pack some punch, and I think you're handling it well so far. I like that John isn't all panicky and concerned about the virus, and is instead just wanting to go home and be with his girlfriend. It gives me something to relate to him by, and jumpy readers like moi don't have to get freaked out by him freaking out.

I also liked the ending here, with the first man dying by gunshot/whatever the crackle was. You write it very cleanly, almost understate it, and the result is actually rather powerful. Kind of like a black and white photograph, if that makes sense. So well done on that.

What mainly got me here, though, was the massive amount of Information you drop on us, the readers, in this very first chapter. Yes, it's all information we're going to need to know eventually, but it's a lot of information right at the beginning. I'd like to see it interspersed throughout instead, a bit of a line of memory here and there as John moves through this burned wasteland of what was once Florida. After all, the intrigue of what happened and what John's doing there will keep the reader reading. We already like the guy from the beginning--he misses his girlfriend, wants to go home, is instead on this mission he's not enthused about--so we'll be curious as to what's going to happen to him. Using the information you give us in italics in itty bits and pieces... it would mean we wouldn't get overloaded with Info, and it'd mean we'd want to keep reading to figure out what's going on. Win-win, eh?

Otherwise, I second what ENCR said about the helicopter--you don't parachute out of those. :D And flying to Florida in one wouldn't be very practical, since Florida is kind of huge and all and it doesn't seem as if they'd want to be seen.

And... that's it! Let me know if you have any questions!

Rach




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Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:19 am
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Stellabeam says...



Pure genius. Enough said.




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Tue Mar 20, 2012 6:25 am
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ENCR says...



Good start, I definitely want to read more. I like the whole flash-back that covers the back story. You have good broad information that sets up the whole story. John is in some unique military outfit tasked with killing infected Floridians all while missing his girlfriend back home. Sounds like a good story to me. Watch your grammar and word choice though. And also, I don't think people parachute out of helicopters. I think they drop a rope and just slide down or just land in order to get out.




Pilot says...


Yeah, about the helicopter thing, I meant to say Ospreys xD




Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
— Ellen Degeneres