z

Young Writers Society



Her Face

by jemjive


“Time to put on your face.” Says a voice in her head
Unwilling hands unzip her make-up bag
Dreading the tasks that lie inside
 
They know the routine and retrieve concealer first
To cover the dark circles that lie faithfully there
Under the green eyes that used to twinkle so
 
With a sweep of eyeliner
The hands execute perfect black lines
And those eyes don’t look so sunken, life stirs within
 
Practiced fingers have a steady hold on a tube of mascara
Brush poised and ready to comb the lashes
The black substance preventing any tears today
 
Finally, the girl in the mirror looks alive
But the voice is not yet content
“You’re not fooling anyone darling.”
 
There’s a flash of pearly whites
Her face isn’t complete without a smile
For a split second, she even convinced herself
 
“Keep up the charade.” Says the voice.

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553 Reviews

Points: 58538
Reviews: 553

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Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:05 am
MiaParamore says...



Hey Jem! Sorry I'm late.

Anyways, actually I have no experience of reviewing poetry and I don't even review it. So, I'm sorry because I don't think I'd be of any help.

But I would have to say that the thought you picked up was brilliant. I mean, the topic is not something very unique but I like the approach you had-showing the superficial girl with the help of makeup. That was innovative.

Though, I felt that somewhere all the actions took the space. You had a strong message but somewhere I felt it wasn't conveyed as strongly as it could have been. Your last line was powerful but I would want you to explore and delve into the subject more.

I hope this helps even a bit. :)




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12 Reviews

Points: 1190
Reviews: 12

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Thu Mar 15, 2012 12:34 pm
Pilot wrote a review...



I'm a guy, so I can't really see through a lady's perspective, but I still like it. I like the narrative view. I also like how it explains what you can feel like when you apply make up, mainly because I have NO clue.

Good work, keep writing.





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