Hello, finally here 
Comments in bold.
“Old man, take a look at my life,
I’m a lot like you.”
It’s one of your favorite songs and I can’t help but think,
Mr. Young’s lyrics sing all too true.
It may be a daddy’s girl’s dream,
But can’t you see?
I don’t want to be like you.
That little girl is no longer me.
I'm a bit confused... is the speaker talking about herself or her father...?
The training wheels have come off,
I have packed away each and every one of my dolls,
I know there are no monsters under my bed,
And you don’t have to pick me up from my falls. I like the imagery and rhythm in this stanza.
Oh they all say,
“You’re just like your father at your age!”
But it’s a comparison I despise,
It makes me curl my fists in rage. Oooh lovely image
What gives them the right to compare me to you?
They don’t know what you’ve done.
I try and get away from it all,
But this family name is hard to outrun.
Somehow I still wish we could go back to when I needed you.
But that’s enough to make everything you’ve done okay. Everything else you've said okay so far indicates nothing is enough to make it all okay, so this line is contradictory and confusing...
‘Cause you hurt me; and daddy if you want me back,
You had better start to pray.
I like the rhythm and the rhyme. Good imagery in places too, but I don't feel like I'm fully engaging with the speaker, it doesn't seem real. Some more depth, maybe some more detailed imagery - like you've got the doll stuff, something more like that to bring her out as an individual. Maybe imply a bit more strongly on what her father has done to turn her against him so much? It's good but it just seems a bit flat at the moment, is all. Anyway good work, good luck with future writing
~Ink
Points: 7953
Reviews: 13
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