Young Writers Society

Hi! This Shooting Stars as you have requested!

The beginning feels very repetitive. I know that this is probably what you are going for, but it gets slightly old. However, despite what I just said, I kind of like the feel of it. Maybe if you took out a few of the lines in the first stanza, then it would not be so boring to read.

Also, in this: "He left his failure, He ran, He could not escape..." I think that it's an odd wording because if he left failure, then why couldn't he escape? Maybe you should add a "but" in front of "He could not escape."

In the second stanza and before the very first word, there's a period. I don't think it should be there, so you should erase it. I think it's just a small typo.

The ending is very surprising, shocking, and adds a twist. It took me a second to realize what was happening and then I thought, "Whoa!" I really liked it.

For the most part I enjoyed it, but like I said before it feels repetitive. What Emilybrodo said about the "hurtling the bush" I disagree with. It makes sense and gives me a good image in my head of what's happening. Good job overall!

---Shooting Stars

Em here,

This starts out not very well, but ends in a sort of shocking way.

I don't really like the second sentence, 'he hurtled a bush.' To me it just sounds odd. It does, however, give a nice image in a way. That's the only thing I dislike about this poem, the rest is pretty good.

It has nice repetition, with every line starting with 'he' and every verse ending with, 'he could not escape.'

I like the last verse the most. When I read it I picture a dark sort of tree, and then a black rope tied to the tree and tied into a noose. Saying he faced all these things kind of suggests he was paid justice.

It also shows the viewer what it's like to be a criminal in the days where crime was paid with death.

Very nice.

From Em, XD

I really like this poem because of the story it tells. I only have a few suggestions.

The second line doesn't make much sense. I recommend changing it to "He hurtled over a bush".

Also, in the second stanza, the story would read better if you switched around the first two lines to put them in sequential order: "He tried. He couldn't." If that doesn't work, you could add a flashback instead: "He couldn't. He had tried."

I'm not sure if you are wanting to go for a definite rhythm in the third stanza, but if you are then you could change "He faced a rope" to "He faced it in the form of an old rope", to parallel with the line about the tree.

Over all this was a very good poem, and I enjoyed it a lot. Good job!

I really like this poem because of the story it tells. I only have a few suggestions. In the line