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Terminal Four (Chapter One)

by dasiamari


“Anson!” I called irritably through his open window. He had slept late and hadn’t helped me carry vegetables from my fathers’ garden now we were late. Mayor Raydan like things being late. I looked around angrily for a stone to toss through the curtains but he stuck his head in time, I had just set down my basket and picked up a rock. His long black hair tumbled down as he rubbed his eyes.

“Did I over sleep?” He mumbled groggily and looked like he might tumble out the window. I put my hands firmly on his head

“Yes, now get dressed!” I said and gave him a push. He smiled and I laughed as he stuck his head back in.

Anson came out the front door a few minutes later fully dressed and carrying a small basket of his own.

“What’s that?” I asked skeptically, Anson was known for playing jokes, I hoped this wasn’t one while we where already so late.

“Beets for the Mayor, he loves them you know, maybe he’ll excuse the lateness.” He said lifting the black blanket off and letting me see the mixed basket of yellow and red beets. Why didn’t I think of that? I thought, mentally kicking myself, but I wouldn’t let Anson know that.

“Well we wouldn’t be late if you hadn’t over slept.” I snapped embarrassed that the forgetful Anson came up with a better idea than me the laughter from earlier already gone.

“Sorry” he mumbled blushing his copper and red toned skin grew darker as he blushed. Lately Anson had been blushing a lot, for no reason, and it triggered my own blush in response. I decided to change the topic by talking about clothing.

As of last March the Mayor issued a dress code, girls in white boys in black. It was the way they dressed in Terminal Two, and the Mayor wanted to avoid a war with their dictator, Guiles Magnill so he did all he could to make us blend in. I was sure Terminal One, us, couldn’t beat Terminal Two if Terminal three hadn’t been able to.

“So are you getting used to the dress codes?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“No, these black clothes are hot, I don’t understand how Terminal Two men deal with it, especially since they work mining gold all day.” He grimaced as if imaging working in the stifling heat in the clothes.

“Well it might be cooler in the caves.” I said quietly. He looked at me like I was insane then opened his mouth to start talking again but I shushed him as we arrived to the mansion in the middle of the Terminal.


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579 Reviews


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Wed Dec 08, 2021 7:41 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was quite a good beginning to a novel. Apparently, it seemed like some fun and happy moments between two friends but if we dig deep, we can see a lot of unsolved mysteries and dangers in it. From the very beginning, we get to know a bit about both the characters and the world it is set in. Anyway, let's get into it.

First of all, I wonder about the setting. I would suggest to be a bit open about the setting but maybe it too has something to do with the mystery. Who knows. I am a bit confused about this "Terminal" thing. I assume the word terminal has some other meaning than the one we know because the story doesn't really go with the literal meaning of the word here. after reading the whole story, I think it's set in a house. However, from the beginning of the story, I had a feeling that the story is set in some vehicle. I don't know, maybe it's my out of order imagination.

Next, the characters. We quite got a glimpse of some great and deep friendship between the friends. They seem to be very good and old friends. Typical funny friends, they are. Anson seems to be a bit lazy and it's always the narrator who has to do everything. Pretty sad actually. From this chapter, we got a bit of hint about their age too. They don't seem to be adults or even if they are, new adults then. So... Hm... They have to work, I am not very sure if it's against their will but at least, I think so. Let's hope it's not against their will. But if it is, the heads of this world are not at all good. I get hints of slavery...Digging a bit dipper about the characters, I wonder what their work actually is. Not to gift the mayor with fruits and vegetables, at least? Or maybe, no one knows. The mayor now. His character is not the most well-fleshed here(It's after all the first chapter) but I think he is a bit strict but not the most strict person you will see. If a person becomes happy when one gifts their favourite food to them, the person can't be called extremely solemn.

Now the dress code. Honestly, I don't like the dress code. It's actually quite hard to survive wearing black in summer and white in winter. And also they are being forced to follow it, that's worse. Well, however, I don't see if it can be altered because the world is under a dictator and in a dictatorship, the dictator is always the highest. I enjoyed reading the chapter. Amidst all tensions in the chapter, these two friends succeeded at providing us some happiness and relief.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




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Sun Nov 28, 2021 3:53 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Soo..this was quite a fun moment here. I loved this little moment of friendly banter that was riddled with hidden hints that seem to suggest there's a lot more danger going on in this world. Its a powerful little start here and it catches your attention as a reader quite well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Anson!” I called irritably through his open window. He had slept late and hadn’t helped me carry vegetables from my fathers’ garden now we were late. Mayor Raydan like things being late. I looked around angrily for a stone to toss through the curtains but he stuck his head in time, I had just set down my basket and picked up a rock. His long black hair tumbled down as he rubbed his eyes.

“Did I over sleep?” He mumbled groggily and looked like he might tumble out the window. I put my hands firmly on his head

“Yes, now get dressed!” I said and gave him a push. He smiled and I laughed as he stuck his head back in.


Okayy...a somewhat more low key start than what you see in some novels, but an interesting one nonetheless. We have what looks to be two friends about to carry out some sort of duty and its the old classic someone is late situation going down here. I already love where this is going.

Anson came out the front door a few minutes later fully dressed and carrying a small basket of his own.

“What’s that?” I asked skeptically, Anson was known for playing jokes, I hoped this wasn’t one while we where already so late.

“Beets for the Mayor, he loves them you know, maybe he’ll excuse the lateness.” He said lifting the black blanket off and letting me see the mixed basket of yellow and red beets. Why didn’t I think of that? I thought, mentally kicking myself, but I wouldn’t let Anson know that.


Okayyy...well, these two seem like a typical pair of friends by this point, I love this easy dynamic that you're slowly establishing right off the bat here. It makes for a wonderfully relaxed atmosphere and I'm loving it.

“Well we wouldn’t be late if you hadn’t over slept.” I snapped embarrassed that the forgetful Anson came up with a better idea than me the laughter from earlier already gone.

“Sorry” he mumbled blushing his copper and red toned skin grew darker as he blushed. Lately Anson had been blushing a lot, for no reason, and it triggered my own blush in response. I decided to change the topic by talking about clothing.

As of last March the Mayor issued a dress code, girls in white boys in black. It was the way they dressed in Terminal Two, and the Mayor wanted to avoid a war with their dictator, Guiles Magnill so he did all he could to make us blend in. I was sure Terminal One, us, couldn’t beat Terminal Two if Terminal three hadn’t been able to.


Okayy...so that's a nice little hint at something there. The blush is certainly not a random choice I feel. ;) But also, I love that subtle drizzle of information there. I think you manage to just about balance that fine line between exposition and managing information properly. Its a good way to introduce some nice extra mystery into the situation.

“So are you getting used to the dress codes?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“No, these black clothes are hot, I don’t understand how Terminal Two men deal with it, especially since they work mining gold all day.” He grimaced as if imaging working in the stifling heat in the clothes.

“Well it might be cooler in the caves.” I said quietly. He looked at me like I was insane then opened his mouth to start talking again but I shushed him as we arrived to the mansion in the middle of the Terminal.


Okay...so a lovely little pair of friends and hints of a world in some danger by the looks of things, or at least a world where a few dangerous figures appear to be trying to control humans...and that's just never going to be a good thing, well a good point to end on here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think you've done a great job here with this piece and I do genuinely like the direction that this one appears to be headed in. Its a good start I think. There's especially a good bit of mystery around how this area seems to operate with these terminals and such.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.
— Jennifer Niven, 'All the Bright Places'