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The Beginning

by AardvarkSlave

Thumps and crashed were heard throughout the house, the faint, quick sounds reaching the ears of young Priscilla. She blinked her tired eyes open, lifting herself from her bed with a shaky arm and rubbing her eyes. A scream erupted from beneath her, but was quickly muffled.

Panicked, Priscilla slid her person from her bed, slipping her dainty feet into her slippers and heading towards the door.

As she slowly, fearfully crawled down the wooden stairs, trying to avoid making any noises, the sounds from earlier had stopped, only a slight squelch every now and then. She drew a shaky breath, looking down from the banister. The main room was fine.

Her eyes widened when her eyes traveled more to the left, catching a slight shimmer of red. She gripped the banister with small hands tightly, wanting to run back up into her room and hide under the covers. Her curiosity overcame her fear, though, and she continued down the stairs.

Her heart acted as if she were running a marathon, slamming against her chest as she reached the doorway, peeking around. Her large, hazel eyes widened, her jaw dropping, as she saw the most gruesome sight.

Thin blood was pooling onto the floor, slowly growing and reaching towards her feet. Her eyes traveled up to see her sister's face, plastered in the shape of utter shock. Her chestnut hair fell across her mauled face, also covering the huge gash in her neck.

Priscilla's heart skipped a beat when she saw her father, veins and muscles protruding from his skin. He sat samurai-style over her mauled body, his beefy hands ripping into her intestines and slipping them into his mouth. Sharp teeth ripped at the juicy flesh, blood dribbling down his chin and staining his clothes. His golden eyes snapped open as he buried his face in for more, slurping up her decadent contents.

Priscilla's legs shook, making her stumble onto the floor beneath her. This monster that took on her father's form didn't seem to notice, though; he continued feasting on his "daughter".

Priscilla let out a small whimper, tears flooding over her eyes and running down her clenched jaw. Her lungs seemed to force out even more air with each breath she took, her eyes losing focus. She was snapped back to reality when the beast let out a chuckle, tightening his fists and transforming.

The muscles in his body grew quickly, three times the size of that a humans, his bones reforming into a different structure. The discs in his spinal cord popped, stretching his body and showing from his back.

As his skin started hardening, Priscilla watched in complete horror, feeling herself about to faint. She quickly looked around the room, her trembling legs forcing her to the ax hanging on the wall. She grabbed the end of the handle, lunging towards her "father" and swinging down with all her might.

A loud shriek erupted from the room, slipping out from the walls and ringing into the rest of the town. A thud followed- a thud that came from the Yoma's head falling onto the floor. Purple blood spurted out from the wounds, spraying the walls and small frame of this girl. She fell to the floor onto her knees, fingers dropping the ax as she let out her own violent sobs, her entire family now gone.

"I see that you killed that Yoma on your own."

Priscilla scrunched her nose, blinking her eyes open and widening. The remains of last night's ordeal remained on the floor. She turned her attention to the man standing nearby, though, round, tinted shades hiding his eyes.

"I suppose you're left without a family now, is that right?"

As this hit Priscilla once more, tears started to form in her eyes. This complete stranger that decided to walk into her house- it was as if he made this all happen to see her in agony.

He smirked, holding out a hand.

"I suppose you want revenge on any of the Yoma now, correct? After all, they're nothing butmonstersthat will feast on whomever they please."

This man…. He was playing with the mind of this young girl with only a few sentences. These words, though- they were the truth. He had handed her the very motivation for her living on a silver platter as if he were writing her life.

He curled his fingers, flexing them out.

"I can help you accomplish that. You see, you can become part of the organization- we are warriors trained to kill Yoma. In order to do that, though," he continued, gesturing towards the Yoma. "You must become half-Yoma yourself- in order to detect the Yoma in human form like that as your father, of course."

Priscilla bristled. Be able to kill all of the Yoma before anyone else was hurt? More tears poured down her face as she thought on this. Her childish mind guided her to the decision that would change many lives.

She took this strange man in black's hand, pulling herself up from the blood-stained ground.

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318 Reviews

Points: 31771
Reviews: 318

Fri Sep 24, 2021 11:46 am
RandomTalks wrote a review...


RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well...this was definitely something else. I was so sure in the beginning that this was all a nightmare. However, when the ending revealed it to be true, I did not know what to make of this.

Let's start with the positives first.

I absolutely loved the visuals that you have provided in the story. Your descriptions were really detailed and well, to be honest, it was a little jarring to read. I wish I was not gifted with such a vivid imagination because I really did not wish to see all that blood and gore inside my head. You have painted a pretty gruesome picture in front of us, and it really contributed to the setting of the story. The tension was there from the beginning, but it changed to horror once we entered the living room scene. Your word choice was really brilliant and picked them with utmost care to pain the most gruesome picture in front of us.

I also really liked the way you portrayed the girls' emotions, her horror and panic at discovering her father and her sister. To be honest, if I entered the living room one night to find it swimming in blood and my father feasting on my sister, I would go into a cardiac arrest. I guess that was one part that did not feel too realistic to me. I wish you had explored some of her disbelief at the sight, as it seemed to accept to quite easily.

Now, the sudden inclusion of the term 'Yoma' was a bit too abrupt for me. I had initially thought this to be a story about zombies, when you drop a term a like that towards the ending of the story, your readers are bound to get a little confused especially if they are not familiar with it. Maybe you could have eased it into the story gently so that the readers could understand better. The other problem was how quickly the girl accepted the explanation of the stranger in her living room who appeared out of nowhere. She was emotional and high on adrenaline, but without questioning, without knowing, she stepped into an agreement with a stranger. I guess the ending just did not feel too believable for me.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

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484 Reviews

Points: 33170
Reviews: 484

Thu Sep 23, 2021 6:34 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Heyy!! Forever here with a review!!

The beginning actually made me think that she saw a dream and the following were the consequences but seems like I was wrong. Also what about the shaky arm? I don't really expect a person to wake up with shaky arm for hearing a sound.

Panicked, Priscilla slid her person from her bed

It's better to write it as Panicked, Priscilla slid from the bed.

I just wonder if her father and sister were in the house. I do think that they were in the house. At least, it appears so. Now, the question is why was she panicked? Like the sound could be a simple sound and I don't understand why she should be panicked if they were at home. It doesn't feel very justified.

Next, her age. She actually appears to be very small and I really don't expect such a little person to be so emotionally mature or maybe she was an exception, who knows. And also, a man telling such a young girl to join them? I am a bit confused about her age. Like her physical description suggests that she is little but if we think of other things, she doesn't appear to be small. I seriously don't understand her age.

Now with this man. This man is very mysterious. If I am not wrong, he is not an enemy of the monsters. Like he appears to be one of them and tries to convert people into monsters. I am quite curious about it.

Keep Writing!!


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