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( I can't think of a title, help me out)

by KattieCurtis

Laughing and joking, Pictures and memories. They were there- But he wasn't. Fair haired and bright eyed, He stood alone, slightly behind. Not alone-but still alone. He was never there to find. No one cared, no one noticed. His strong voice and powerful stance was known but never admired. Opportunities, luck and chance. Let downs, failures and pride- He'd let them all know, if only for a little while. He worries me, he concerns me, He's mine. My inscrutable mess of curly blonde hair.

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1220 Reviews

Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:25 pm
Kale wrote a review...

Hello there, KattieCurtis. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3

First things first, I'm wondering what happened to your line breaks. From the capitalization, I'm assuming that you had line breaks when you pasted this piece into the editor, but that the submissions editor ate them.

In any case, I'd strongly recommend that you go back in and edit the line breaks back into this as right now, this poem is really hard to read without the line breaks.

With that said, it might be due to the formatting, but this piece was a bit confusing for me. I'm not sure what's going on, or who the narrator is, or what it is that "he" is doing. Having the line breaks would definitely help, but I also think including a few more background details and specifics would also help. Right now, I don't have any real idea of what's going on that lead up to this, and so this poem loses me.

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9 Reviews

Points: 788
Reviews: 9

Mon Feb 06, 2012 11:27 pm
Saga97 says...

It's kinda like he's invisible? Maybe The Unnoticed or the invisible n.n

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Points: 713
Reviews: 21

Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:30 pm
KattieCurtis says...

Ok right, i'm finding this new set up really hard to work can someone please help me :P

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare