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The Wicker Man

by Ardensfax


When I saw the Wicker Man
He was standing by the roadside
And he couldn’t raise a hand
To drive away the pouring rain
 
He’s not been hollowed out
 
He was simply made that way
 
In silence he listens to the thunder roll
As the sunset throws amber on the land
I can see from here that he has no soul
But he reminds me who I stand
 
When I saw the wicker man
He was staring at the cloud-lanced light
And he didn’t think ahead
For he could just live for today
 
But you can’t know where your home is
 
If your thoughts are far away
 
We watch as the eyes of the world go by
And we listen to what they have to say
He looked too far and it made him blind
It’s not too high a price to pay
 
You can cut out your mind
And leave it behind
It’s got nothing to follow
If your heart’s made of straw
 
You’re hurt by the sight
Of what’s on the horizon
Or you’re burned
By the light of the day
 
I could have sworn he looked at me
 
His empty eyes just said to me;
 
‘This isn’t me’
 
‘This world of yours did this to me’


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Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:22 pm
Kale wrote a review...



Hello there, Ardensfax. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3

First things first, I'm puzzled as to why this entire poem is italicized. Italics are best used to emphasize particular words or phrases or scenes, and they can be quite tiring for a reader to read, especially on a screen. As it is, I really don't see a purpose to having the entire poem italicized, aside from making it look "prettier", which really isn't a good enough reason to do anything in a poem.

But he reminds me who I stand

This line didn't make much sense to me on my first read through, and it still doesn't make much sense to me now. Did you perhaps mean "where I stand" instead?

For he could just live for today

This line read quite awkwardly. I would recommend rephrasing it to something more like "he only lived today" or "he just lived for today".

And then the ending just fell apart for me because I couldn't see the connections between the ideas in the different stanzas. Part of this has to do with the introduction of a third person, "you", when the poem up until that point only had two characters: the narrator and the wicker man. The other part has to do with the lack of focus at the end. What is it precisely that you were trying to say with this piece? It should become evident by the end of the poem, rather than being introduced at the end of the piece, and I feel that that is what happened. And because it was introduced at the end, there's no lead up to it, which makes it much weaker than it could be, if you lead into it from earlier in the poem.

You had a nice start too, with some very nice images. If you could just focus the poem overall, it would be much stronger for it.





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