Published January 16, 2012
Pen
And paper
Completely useless
Without each other.
Petal
And stem
One without the other
Does not make a flower
Sound
And ears
Not even screaming will do you any good
If no ear’s there to hear it.
Sun
And sky
Dawn is gone
When one refuses to abide
You
And me
Why would you do this?
It only works when it’s a “we.”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Abide what? Don't leave your readers hanging like this. It's like carving a gorge right in the middle of their path and neglecting to build a bridge over it.
This poem is so short, and its structure is so repetitive, there's really not much to say. The structure feels very abrupt and overused because the individual lines and stanzas are so short, there's no room in between iterations of the pattern. That said, the pattern isn't even consistent throughout the poem, with the third line of the Sound stanza being much longer than the pattern present in the rest of the stanzas.
This poem is so simple, and the structure so obviously repeated, that the poem feels overly simple, almost trite. I'd recommend experimenting with the structure more and expanding on the ideas in this poem a bit more. Right now, there really isn't much going for this piece.
Good job, easily read and you pull the reader's attention tight off the bat, however I got kind of confused during the final stanza. Other than that it was great