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Young Writers Society



The Immortal Enigma -Prologue

by GoaGreena


He Died alone.

Deep in the Forest Of Silence, he lay in a puddle of his own blood. Here, among the petrified branches and still-watered streams, is where he died.

Alone.

Death didn't come hard for him, in fact, is was far too easy. The wound on his chest throbbed and a steady stream of maroon poured out onto the cold forest floor. But soon the pain faded, giving way to a dull numbness that overpowered him. There came a point when he simply stopped struggling, when even breathing seemed pointless.

He let go.

And he was gone.

Just like that.

It is true that he let himself die. He never screamed, nor did he fight. He simply stopped running, turned around, and yelped only slightly as the knife was plunged into his chest. So at last, he could have peace. At last, he could be free.

And so, at one hour before dusk, he died alone.

Author's Note: Yes, it's very short, but I assure you the next chapters are not. This is just the prologue.


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Sat Sep 18, 2021 1:49 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

He Died alone.

Deep in the Forest Of Silence, he lay in a puddle of his own blood. Here, among the petrified branches and still-watered streams, is where he died.

Alone.


Well...isn't that a very cheerful start, oh gosh, we've just got a dude that died in a puddle of blood which suggest a genuinely violent and potentially horrifying end all by himself out in some random desolate spot...well, if that isn't an eerie haunting start, I don't know what is...and I most definitely gets your attention quite fast here.

Death didn't come hard for him, in fact, is was far too easy. The wound on his chest throbbed and a steady stream of maroon poured out onto the cold forest floor. But soon the pain faded, giving way to a dull numbness that overpowered him. There came a point when he simply stopped struggling, when even breathing seemed pointless.

He let go.

And he was gone.

Just like that.


Okay..this repetition has an oddly poem like quality to it...cause it seems like this is less of a prologue to a novel and almost like a narrative poem...and I am loving it. The image of how this man died is being nicely drawn out to be captured in its full horror and the way that you're being very thorough with emphasizing just how lonely this man was as he died makes for a very interesting piece here.

It is true that he let himself die. He never screamed, nor did he fight. He simply stopped running, turned around, and yelped only slightly as the knife was plunged into his chest. So at last, he could have peace. At last, he could be free.

And so, at one hour before dusk, he died alone.


A single knife wound to the chest doesn't seem like the type to cause a quick death...I will say that, perhaps multiple stabs or the result of a large sword, but hmm...this one doesn't fully correlate, but otherwise....we have ourselves even more of that repetition going on....and the emphasis really creates a powerful feeling there. All in all this makes for quite a killer prologue here. [No pun intended]

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:25 am
TwistedMuffins wrote a review...



Hey there! I'll be reviewing this today!
Everything I'll have to say/correct will be in red.

GoaGreena wrote:He #FF0000 ">Died alone.#FF0000 ">D shouldn't be capital.

Deep in the Forest Of Silence, he lay in a puddle of his own blood. Here, among the petrified branches and still-watered streams, is where he died.

Alone.

Death didn't come hard for him, in fact, #FF0000 ">is You mean, it was far too easy. The wound on his chest throbbed and a steady stream of maroon poured out onto the cold forest floor. But soon the pain faded, giving way to a dull numbness that overpowered him. There came a point when he simply stopped struggling, when even breathing seemed pointless.

He let go.

And he was gone.

Just like that.

It is true that he let himself die. He never screamed, nor did he fight. He simply stopped running, turned around, and yelped only slightly as the knife was plunged into his chest. So at last, he could have peace. At last, he could be free.

And so, at#FF0000 "> one You can say "an" instead of "one". It sounds better that way. hour before dusk, he died alone.


Author's Note: Yes, it's very short, but I assure you the next chapters are not. This is just the prologue.#FF0000 "><- You could also put this in a spoiler.


Well, that's all I have to say. There isn't much to correct, so that's good! Your descriptions were very good, and the story was quite interesting, since you didn't give much of it out, nor did you hide much of the story. I would really like to read more!

Keep writing!
-Twisted.

Keep writing.




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Fri Nov 18, 2011 2:29 am
davidechoe13 says...



Sounds interesting i'm curious as to see how the rest plays out




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Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:38 pm
kay14 wrote a review...



This is very mysterious, and im curious how this person died. If you write more I'll definatly look at it. one thing though i felt as if you were repeating yourself on the line " he died " and "that how he died." take a look at that part, but otherwise I loved it even though it was just a prologue.





cron
sometimes i don't consider myself a poet but then i remember that i literally write poetry
— chikara