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Dagger of Truth (from Walter's view

by wizwalt


The Unknown and Undiscovered Series The Dagger of Truth Flash back central

In desperation I scream out in agony an icy blade stuck into my chest. Victoria is laughing with joy as I painfully collapse. Tori was my friend I am not sure what happened to cause this but that glacier blue hair, her completely iced over eyes and blue tinted skin usually when I see that it is pointed at one of our enemies but now all of her wrath is shooting me straight at me. She ripped the blade of her scythe out of my chest and I collapsed to the ground I couldn’t get my bearings I didn’t know where I was but I blacked out. Then I awoke screaming. Gulping air greedily I realized it was a nightmare. I laid there in my hammock staring at the leaves on the trees. My room is literally a green house the room has three solid walls then the fourth wall is bulletproof glass looking out into the Alaskan forest. My room had trees growing out of the floor the scene was always early autumn, golden leaves covering the trees I didn’t want thing cluttering up my room so I have one wooden trunk under my hammock in the center of my room. I finally got up and walked to the bathroom that joins my room with Nathan’s he is a sorcerer. I went straight to mirror and I look at myself a teenage boy of 15 with a few exceptions I already had a full goatee along with a 5 O’clock shadow very tall and thin all the muscle shirts my father bought me hung loose off my chest. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I am a satyr my legs are human size but are hairy and look like goat legs. I also have 3 inch horns growing out of my head. I stare into my leaf green eyes and think why couldn’t I be born normal? I just sigh and stalk over to the shower I blast the water to almost the boiling point and hop in I sniff my body wash my favorite Irish springs I lather up and wash off. I am fairly disappointed with my shampoo because it’s bar soap hey if I had liquid shampoo it would cost a fortune. After getting out I throw on my generic green shirt. And shake off my dark brown mop top taking another look around the bathroom it’s a fairly good size. We have a shower, toilet, sink first aid chest in the corner (I’ll get to that later.) All in all it’s fairly good bathroom. Not as good as the girls though they have a steam room. But I will get to them later. So I went back to my room fished my pan pipes out of my trunk and headed out to get some food. I entered the long hallway which all of the teenagers rooms are in stalked down the hallway passing some rooms on the way ended up in the living room. I debated about laying down on the couch then my stomach growled so instead of going straight in I hung a left and went straight through the foyer tile floors, chandelier all that jazz. To the kitchen I went straight to the fridge. Just to let you know I am a grazer so I took some time picking out food but after throwing out the pizza and debating on eating the pizza box I went with an orange and a spinach, mushroom, egg and cheese omelet. Along with orange juice. I sat there pondering my life because I have disappointed my father. Sorry let me explain, when we lived in Chicago my father work for an ecology project. I remember the days sitting in his office at the age of 10 doing homework and wandering around the building. Not much was different from a normal office cubicles, a coffee bar staff lounge except the color scheme was green. My father’s bosses always came and observed my dad and I and had both of us fill out a survey. Those questions were the oddest questions I have ever been asked like “do you believe in mythical creatures?” after the survey they invited us up to their office.


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2425 Reviews


Points: 256095
Reviews: 2425

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Sat Sep 18, 2021 4:31 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In desperation I scream out in agony an icy blade stuck into my chest. Victoria is laughing with joy as I painfully collapse. Tori was my friend I am not sure what happened to cause this but that glacier blue hair, her completely iced over eyes and blue tinted skin usually when I see that it is pointed at one of our enemies but now all of her wrath is shooting me straight at me. She ripped the blade of her scythe out of my chest and I collapsed to the ground I couldn’t get my bearings I didn’t know where I was but I blacked out. Then I awoke screaming. Gulping air greedily I realized it was a nightmare. I laid there in my hammock staring at the leaves on the trees. My room is literally a green house the room has three solid walls then the fourth wall is bulletproof glass looking out into the Alaskan forest. My room had trees growing out of the floor the scene was always early autumn, golden leaves covering the trees I didn’t want thing cluttering up my room so I have one wooden trunk under my hammock in the center of my room. I finally got up and walked to the bathroom that joins my room with Nathan’s he is a sorcerer. I went straight to mirror and I look at myself a teenage boy of 15 with a few exceptions I already had a full goatee along with a 5 O’clock shadow very tall and thin all the muscle shirts my father bought me hung loose off my chest. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I am a satyr my legs are human size but are hairy and look like goat legs. I also have 3 inch horns growing out of my head. I stare into my leaf green eyes and think why couldn’t I be born normal? I just sigh and stalk over to the shower I blast the water to almost the boiling point and hop in I sniff my body wash my favorite Irish springs I lather up and wash off. I am fairly disappointed with my shampoo because it’s bar soap hey if I had liquid shampoo it would cost a fortune. After getting out I throw on my generic green shirt. And shake off my dark brown mop top taking another look around the bathroom it’s a fairly good size. We have a shower, toilet, sink first aid chest in the corner (I’ll get to that later.) All in all it’s fairly good bathroom. Not as good as the girls though they have a steam room. But I will get to them later. So I went back to my room fished my pan pipes out of my trunk and headed out to get some food. I entered the long hallway which all of the teenagers rooms are in stalked down the hallway passing some rooms on the way ended up in the living room. I debated about laying down on the couch then my stomach growled so instead of going straight in I hung a left and went straight through the foyer tile floors, chandelier all that jazz. To the kitchen I went straight to the fridge. Just to let you know I am a grazer so I took some time picking out food but after throwing out the pizza and debating on eating the pizza box I went with an orange and a spinach, mushroom, egg and cheese omelet. Along with orange juice. I sat there pondering my life because I have disappointed my father. Sorry let me explain, when we lived in Chicago my father work for an ecology project. I remember the days sitting in his office at the age of 10 doing homework and wandering around the building. Not much was different from a normal office cubicles, a coffee bar staff lounge except the color scheme was green. My father’s bosses always came and observed my dad and I and had both of us fill out a survey. Those questions were the oddest questions I have ever been asked like “do you believe in mythical creatures?” after the survey they invited us up to their office.


Hmm, so at first glance, we've got a really interesting sounding premise hidden in here, I really like where this one appears to be going in...and at first glance, this seems like something that that could make for a quite cool story, there's definitely enough going on here to make me want to find out more about what's to come next.

Now, before I get a bit more in depth to the actual contents of the piece, I'll start out by saying the lack of paragraphing here is quite startling and not very good to see here. It kind of makes this a giant clump of text that is a bit unwieldy to read through...and it also just messes with the flow of the piece...so really, this is in dire need of being broken up into at the very least five or six paragraphs if not more, this is an entire chapter's worth of material squished into one paragraph.

Anyway, so what we've got here..is actually quite interesting...there's quite a few fun things to think about, lots of fun bits of information, and I do believe you've managed to strike that balance between giving enough information to get the reader's attention and make them understand what's going on without it being an infodump. All in all, this seems like a pretty solid starting point for a story here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:06 am
irsyad23 wrote a review...



Hi there... First of all I'd like to welcome you to Young Writer Society. There's a few things you should remember before posting your stories here. First of all, the format. To make your story interesting and can easily be read, you should make spacing.

In desperation I scream out in agony an icy blade stuck into my chest. Victoria is laughing with joy as I painfully collapse. Tori was my friend I am not sure what happened to cause this but that glacier blue hair, her completely iced over eyes and blue tinted skin usually when I see that it is pointed at one of our enemies but now all of her wrath is shooting me straight at me.

She ripped the blade of her scythe out of my chest and I collapsed to the ground I couldn’t get my bearings I didn’t know where I was but I blacked out.

Then I awoke screaming. Gulping air greedily I realized it was a nightmare. I laid there in my hammock staring at the leaves on the trees.

My room is literally a green house(i'm not sure about this but I think it is 'Greenhouse') the room has three solid walls then the fourth wall is bulletproof glass looking out into the Alaskan forest. My room had trees growing out of the floor the scene was always early autumn, golden leaves covering the trees I didn’t want thing cluttering up my room so I have one wooden trunk under my hammock in the center of my room.

I finally got up and walked to the bathroom that joins my room with Nathan’s he is a sorcerer. I went straight to mirror and I look at myself(comma) a teenage boy of 15 with a few exceptions(fullstop) I already had a full goatee along with a 5 O’clock shadow very tall and thin(fullstop) All the muscle shirts my father bought me hung loose off my chest.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention I am a satyr(fullstop) my legs are human size but are hairy and look like goat legs. I also have 3 inch horns growing out of my head. I stare into my leaf green eyes and think why couldn’t I be born normal?

I just sigh and stalk over to the shower and I blast the water to almost the boiling point and hop in(fullstop) I sniff my body wash which is my favorite Irish springs(fullstop) I lather up and wash off. I am fairly disappointed with my shampoo because it’s bar soap hey if I had liquid shampoo it would cost a fortune.

After getting out(comma) I throw on my generic green shirt. And shake off my dark brown mop top taking another look around the bathroom(fullstop) It’s a fairly good size.

We have a shower, toilet, sink first aid chest in the corner (I’ll get to that later.) All in all it’s fairly good bathroom. Not as good as the girls though they have a steam room. But I will get to them later. So I went back to my room fished my pan pipes out of my trunk and headed out to get some food.

I entered the long hallway which all of the teenagers rooms are in stalked down the hallway passing some rooms on the way ended up in the living room. I debated about laying down on the couch and then my stomach growled. So instead of going straight in(comma) I hung a left and went straight through the foyer tile floors, chandelier and all that jazz. To the kitchen I went straight to the fridge. Just to let you know I am a grazer so I took some time picking out food but after throwing out the pizza and debating on eating the pizza box(comma) I went with an orange and a spinach, mushroom, egg and cheese omelet. Along with orange juice. I sat there pondering my life because I have disappointed my father.

Sorry let me explain, when we lived in Chicago my father work for an ecology project. I remember the days sitting in his office at the age of 10 doing homework and wandering around the building. Not much was different from a normal office cubicles, a coffee bar staff lounge except the color scheme was green.

My father’s bosses always came and observed my dad and I and had both of us fill out a survey. Those questions were the oddest questions I have ever been asked like “do you believe in mythical creatures?”

After the survey they invited us up to their office.


This way is better, I think.

I found out that you tend to overlooked your punctuations, which is very important in writing. But your idea was good. I hope you keep it up. I suggest you check out others work so you can improve.

Best of luck,

:)





Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe