Young Writers Society

Hello!

Not to say that this prologue is not intriguing, because it is. But it is quite cliche. Also, it reads more like a blurb than a prologue..? I don't know if that is intentional.

The 'have you ever felt like life was a dream??' is something that's been done a lot. You could add something extra like, 'if you have, trust me, you haven't experienced it the way I have' or 'you are not ready for what I am about to tell you' that's just off the top of my head. But do you know what I mean? If you're starting with a conversational tone, which this sounds like, really feed into that.

A lot of YA fantasy/romance novel are incredibly similar when you strip them down the the bare bones. But its the authors fresh twist on common tropes that keeps readers reading essentially the same story again and again.

Now, why am I saying all this? Well, this prologue sounds very much like the bare bones of a lot of other novels. I know it is only the beginning but from the very start, it's good to have an essence of you - of your uniqueness - already ground in there. What does your story have that others don't?

If this is a blurb, it needs to be punchier. If it is a prologue, is it needed at all?

Hope this helps, and happy writing!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Have you ever experienced a moment that was so surreal that you weren't sure whether or not it truly happened? Ever go through a whole day, and wake up the next morning wondering if it had all been just a crazy dream? Now picture going through your life that way; not knowing whether or not what you were doing was real, or just some bizarre portion of your imagination. Stumbling around in a world you weren't even sure existed.

That's basically been my life over the past three months. If you had asked me three months ago whether I was capable of the things I was destined to do, I'd have told you that you were out of your mind. If you asked me today if I was somewhat of a monster... somewhat of a killer... I would tell you that you are absolutely correct.

It's been a long, terrifying three months- months that I simply wish I could forget. I've done things I'm not at all proud of, things that belong to a nightmare, not my life.

But it is my life. Real, or unreal, it's the world I live in. The world I am forced to live in.

Without my permission, I became a part of this fantasy world, where nothing made sense, except for one simple fact: I could not be in love with him anymore. The one person who I adored, the one person who truly got me was no longer allowed to be part of my life,

Instead, I had been ordered to kill him.

This is my story. My retelling of what happened to me, my friends, my family... what happened to my life. Reader, beware: my story is one beyond reality,and I never said it would be pretty.

Who am I?

What am I, for that matter?

You'll learn in due time.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Hi there Briggsy.

So I think you've a good idea on how to attract an audience - you got the ingredient of suspense so well into this small prologue. However, that is not the only thing one should include in a prologue.

In actuality, your prologue is simply the repetition of the same idea except it's written in various different forms. The key words/line that I have deduced from this prologue is something around: I am not you average teenager and I have a very surprising adventure story to tell you. Unfortunately, when I phrase it like that, it sounds very cliche. Numerous authors have used this theme before in various books such as Twilight,City of Bones and The Summoning. Now, it's not bad, this theme, but you must be the one to make it originally yours. Put a twist on it. And, yes, you kind of have, but this start really makes me think particularly of a book called The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong. It's got a very similar plot going on. If you haven't read the book, you may not understand, but if you're curious about its similarities to your prologue, I suggest you do take a look at it.

Doubly, you introduce a romance, which really gives everything away. I bet you the protagonist will be torn between what she has to do and her true love? It's quite cliche, that, but if you want to keep it in without some changes, that's okay. It is your story after all! Nevertheless, I suggest you do not mention this romance in the prologue because then you've pretty much given away the whole story and the readers can win an easy guessing game. Keep some things secret and in the dark, eh?

Now for some of the mechanics!

or just some bizarre portion of your imagination. Stumbling around in a world you weren't even sure existed.

or just some bizarre portion of your imagination, Stumbling around in a world you weren't even sure existed.

Reader, beware:

You say it's a prologue and as a prologue it's done its job! It drew me in, adding a little bit more and a little bit more sentence by sentence until I've got a general picture in my mind and am curious for more. I'm especially curious about (and I believe you planned that) who our main character loves and has to kill. The fantasy world itself is intriguing in the feeling that it generates of being unsure what's real. I assume you'll be continuing?


some small edits

weren't sure whether or not it had truly happened? Ever go through a whole day, and wake up the next morning wondering if it had all just been a crazy dream?

I would have told you that you are absolutely correct.

But it is my life. Real or unreal, it's the world I live in. The world I am forced to live in.