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Caged - Prolouge

by rumblythunderxox


Prolouge

His skin was the color of sand, his eyes the color of amber.

It was a moment were I could never go back, when our eyes connected and I knew, just knew that my life was about to change.

He smiled and the feeling was mutual. Closing the distance between us he walked over. His hand deep in his tux pockets and his white buttoned up shirt was tightly around his shoulders. I couldn’t hide the smile that was forcing its way across my face.

“I’m surprised you came Lou, you don’t seem like the type of girl to come to these things.” He said as the distance became invisible, “But besides the face, I have never seen anyone more beautiful then I see you know.”

My heart raced inside my chest as he put his arms around my waist and we started to dance slowly to the music. Students around us stared in amusement, or maybe they were just staring at me. I was always modest but at this moment I couldn’t deny the fact that I was just or maybe more beautiful than anyone here.

I would have never guessed that pink would suit my average brown hair and average green eyes, but the dress was perfect for a valentine’s day dance and even more perfect for an average me. It’s silky fabric wrapped itself perfectly around my waist and held my chest accordantly- meaning my cleavage just peaked through unlike some of the girls here who had there cleavage sticking out like a sore thumb.

Jack looked down at me and pulled my closer, his sweet breath awfully close to my own and I thought that this might be it. My first kiss.

But instead he started to speak. “ I’m sorry about being so mean to you lately Lou. You just have to understand that I didn’t come here to fall in love with you. I came here to protect you, to free you of him.”

“I know Jack,” I said sadly, “And you have to know that he will find me once we leave. And he will kill me, after he kills you.”

Jack smiled, “Mark won’t touch me, and in a few months you will be stronger then he could ever imagine.”

The song changed to a much slower tune and he pulled my tight against his hard chest, I gave in and leaned my head against it, I could barley just hear the light rhythm of his chest.

“Let’s run away tonight, Jack.” I said, dreaming of the possibility.

“Soon,” He promised, “Soon when the time is right.”


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Sat Oct 16, 2021 8:01 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm, so we've got quite a situation being established in this here prologue and I think you've done a pretty good job of quite nicely bringing it across here. It certainly manages to get our attention quite well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

His skin was the color of sand, his eyes the color of amber.

It was a moment were I could never go back, when our eyes connected and I knew, just knew that my life was about to change.

He smiled and the feeling was mutual. Closing the distance between us he walked over. His hand deep in his tux pockets and his white buttoned up shirt was tightly around his shoulders. I couldn’t hide the smile that was forcing its way across my face.


Well..thi is quite the start here. Its not necessarily one of those jump into the middle of the action type starts, but it certainly is very intriguing here, sort of establishing two people here that are perhaps engaged in what appears to be a rather mysterious situation. A pretty neat start here at any rate.

“I’m surprised you came Lou, you don’t seem like the type of girl to come to these things.” He said as the distance became invisible, “But besides the face, I have never seen anyone more beautiful then I see you know.”

My heart raced inside my chest as he put his arms around my waist and we started to dance slowly to the music. Students around us stared in amusement, or maybe they were just staring at me. I was always modest but at this moment I couldn’t deny the fact that I was just or maybe more beautiful than anyone here.


Hmm...I'm sensing a decent bit of flirting going on here somewhat with this lady having perhaps made some sort of unexpected appearance at what seems to be some sort of party situation. Its a very interesting scene that you're slowly constructing here.

I would have never guessed that pink would suit my average brown hair and average green eyes, but the dress was perfect for a valentine’s day dance and even more perfect for an average me. It’s silky fabric wrapped itself perfectly around my waist and held my chest accordantly- meaning my cleavage just peaked through unlike some of the girls here who had there cleavage sticking out like a sore thumb.

Jack looked down at me and pulled my closer, his sweet breath awfully close to my own and I thought that this might be it. My first kiss.


Well that went on rather quickly, okay...soo...uhh, well this is one of those starts, considering the title of the story, I'm not sure if I should be somewhat alarmed about where this may go or should I go along with this, but this is a sweet little start here.

But instead he started to speak. “ I’m sorry about being so mean to you lately Lou. You just have to understand that I didn’t come here to fall in love with you. I came here to protect you, to free you of him.”

“I know Jack,” I said sadly, “And you have to know that he will find me once we leave. And he will kill me, after he kills you.”


Well, that's good to see in a prologue, amidst the wholesomeness we have potential threats of death and destruction and that of course is what you usually look for in a prologue, so this is going along nicely here. Loving the mystery that it creates.

Jack smiled, “Mark won’t touch me, and in a few months you will be stronger then he could ever imagine.”

The song changed to a much slower tune and he pulled my tight against his hard chest, I gave in and leaned my head against it, I could barley just hear the light rhythm of his chest.

“Let’s run away tonight, Jack.” I said, dreaming of the possibility.

“Soon,” He promised, “Soon when the time is right.”


Well, there's the promise of quite a lot of things to come there contained in that one little sentence. You've done a pretty good job of building up a rather nice emotional moment in this here piece and then really bringing a nice bit of extra mystery and suspense to the situation.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I like the premise here. I think it can make for quite an intriguing story and it was intriguing enough here that I find myself wanting to read more :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:13 pm



Thanks Amber <3!




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Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:05 am
Amberla93 wrote a review...



Um... please post more!! I was like so caught up in that, and then it just ended! So, please post more and let me know when you do! I didn't see any mistakes. At all. I loved what I saw, It's so descriptive, you can almost feel whats going on. Again, please, please let me know when you have more..

Thanks!
Amber





Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners