Young Writers Society

Finally a poem which continues rhyme throughout it.... Awesomeness!
Nice...

And if Incandescence said anything mean just ignore him.
He owns the ignore button.

I'm not going to deny some kind of creative spark in this, but I am going to deny the constitutive nature of a "Dramatic Poem" within the piece itself. This is a lyrical/narrative poem, so post it there next time.

The theme "It's cool, we can still be friends" is so boring these days, that without a good hook, a good image/metaphor to run through the poem like poison in the bloodstream, you've got a pulse in a dead body.

I'm the guy that you will NEVER notice..

(:

Nice poem, man, well written .

i loved it. If you make the changes the others suggested then the poem will run smoother.

Very nice !! just a few things tough

I'm the whose heart feels all the tension,

Im the one whose heart feels all the thension

I'm the guy who wishes you love was something he had.

Im the guy who wishes your love was something he had

Just make these changes or some other ones if ya want it this Poem would ROck even Harder !!

I liked it. It's very relatable. I'm glad guys actually have emotions. I must have missed that, apparently.

"I'm the whose heart feels all the tension,"
Is it supposedto be, "I'm the guy whose..."?

"wishes you love was"
Meant to be "your love..."?

Otherwise great!