I must say I agree with you on the title, Chevy. Not my favorite, but I have no idea what would be a good title. I'm open to ideas. Also: Thanks, Brian, fixed that spelling error... I wish spell check could do that.
z
It is not a normal pain
that you feel when you lose her.
It is not natural, not feigned.
It cuts deep, boring into your soul
and aching to pull you away
into blissful unawareness.
But you cannot block it out.
You cannot forget her.
She was your confidante,
never spilling your secrets.
You could be honest with her,
she was different from everyone else.
She was your best friend,
but you were robbed of her.
It came quickly to take her away.
There was little warning,
but you sensed her hurt.
You tried to save her.
But it was too late.
She was gone, cold as the dark side of the moon.
Your beautiful friend departed
and left you here alone.
On losing Sarah, my roommate and best friend. It doesn’t matter what we are or how different we are; it’s still hard to lose her.
I must say I agree with you on the title, Chevy. Not my favorite, but I have no idea what would be a good title. I'm open to ideas. Also: Thanks, Brian, fixed that spelling error... I wish spell check could do that.
Before I ever saw what Brian said, I said the same thing. You wrote this poem with much emotion and it was done very well because you didn't go emo on us (if you know what I mean). The last line was simple yet, held a lot of meaning.
Chevy's Critiquing Scale
far left colon - not so great
far right colon - excellent
Title ..... | - : - - -|
Flow ..... | - - - - :|
Creativity ..... | - : - - -|
Imagery ..... | : - - - -|
Language ..... | - - : - -|
Consistency ..... | - - - - :|
Length ..... | - - - : -|
Ending ..... | - - - - :|
Overall ..... | - - - : -|
"She was your confident, "
Think it should be 'confidante.'
You wrote this full of emotion, and it shows in the poem; it has passion. It's intense and spellbinding.
Points: 890
Reviews: 75
Donate