Is it about meeting someone you know only through the internet? Internet bf? I don't think the "might as well have gotten raped" was too extreem. **** 4 stars
Kept in a cage, so full of rage
I'm calling your name, giving up on my own game
nothing's ever the same
everything's bound to change
wrapped up in chains, quitting the race
blood-stained white lave
tears on my face, solving a murder case
hit the ball drop the bat run, run, run
to first base, second base, third base, home plate
can't compensate, refuse to concentrate
on the fate of the world
got a hot date, showed up late, I don't know how to contemplate
Might as well have gotten raped, I'm tellin' you I still
can't taste your sweet embrace, there's wind blowin in my face
ugliness, impurity all my sin washed away
at the break of day when I pray, save my soul, I'll fly away
everything will be okay when we meet face to face
here on earth 'cause now you know it's Judgment Day
Is it about meeting someone you know only through the internet? Internet bf? I don't think the "might as well have gotten raped" was too extreem. **** 4 stars
Hmm..I didn't like it. I think it would have been better off as a non-rhyming poem. Also, "might as well have gotten raped" is extreme. Too extreme. A lot of it is very typical, but then you change subjects and talk about things that don't seem to relate...I really didn't like it that much.
* -- one star
Nice lyrical quality, but it seems like you over-played the dramatic aspects. A little suspense would be better, instead of pure angst.
yeah, the only thing i didn't like was the fact that it rymed in some places and not in others! but i liked some of the images! good job!
There's a lot of pain and confusion in this poem, so much so that it was difficult to comprehend. However, this can be a very good effect and I enjoyed it. But please do not start rhyming then stop. It really disrupts the flow of the poem.
Also: definition of "lave"- v. To wash; bathe. OR V. To refresh or soothe as if by washing. You use it as if it were a noun. Change that if you can. Overall, I like it. Very original.
120,204 Literary Works • 649,072 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 241
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