z

Young Writers Society



No Greater Love

by ajbluesox


No Greater Love

There's only one creator,
only one great love,
there's no one greater,
or so high above,
our hearts are meant only for him,
he's beyond anything we can think,
he only fills us to the rim,
even if we only need a wink,
from east he loves us to the west,
no matter what you have done,
he thinks you're the very best,
all he wants is your heart to be won,
it doesn't matter you or your gender,
there's no one above,
all you have to do is surrender,
there's no greater love

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
1227 Reviews

Points: 144400
Reviews: 1227

Donate
Sat Sep 03, 2022 11:54 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there @ajbluesox! This is quite a few years, but I thought I'd leave a review all the same! :)

Content
I really liked that you took a firm stance on your beliefs about creation and your take on creation definitely resonates with me as being largely true.

It was refreshing to see a little bit of rhyme incorporated throughout the poem to highlight the different lines and give a bit of a better flow to the piece - I think the rhyme elevated the poem up a notch.

I also enjoyed that the poem began and ended with the creator's abundant love which was a nice way to sandwich the poem and remind the reader of the main / most important point. More people need to be reminded of how great our Creator's love is for them certainly, so it's an important and impactful message to share!

Suggestions
Some lines I wasn't in love with and maybe could take a re-visit:

from east he loves us to the west

^ I do get what you're saying here, but this is a bit of an awkward way to phrase how wide God's love is. Maybe something like "God loves us from the east to the west" ?

he only fills us to the rim

^ This seems a bit contradictory at least to Judeo-Christian scripture which reflects a God whose love is "overflowing" so would go over the rim :] (Psalm 23).

Overall
Overall this was a nice short piece to read, and I think will be an encouragement to all who read it - you make some bold faith statements and stick to a theme throughout the poem with some nice concrete imagery and statements. Thank you for standing up for your faith and sharing it with YWS!

- alliyah




User avatar
73 Reviews

Points: 6245
Reviews: 73

Donate
Fri Feb 12, 2010 8:02 pm
winie603 wrote a review...



The title pulled me in, and I'm happy it did! This was a cute little piece and I think it was written really well. I like your style and the word choice was just right :) There was only one thing wrong that I could put my finger on: commas! Too many! I used to do this too, but really, they're unneeded and disturb the flow of your piece. Oh, one more thing. The line that says "it doesn't matter you or your gender." Hmm. I wasn't satisfied with that line. However, if you try to do anything else the rhyming will be messed up. So, I suggest you to keep it at that. PM me if you ever need anything,
winie*





A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown