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Other Fiction

by babymagic18


You wouldn't take me; a twelve year old, 5'2, black hair, blue eyed angel to be a murderer would you? Reasons why you wouldn't you may ask? I get straight A's, I am on an honor roll, Others look up to me, take it how you want to. Thats just the surface of my true self. I'll tell you what you'll see if you swim into the depths of my waters. I am alone, I hate waking up in the mornings, I dread talking to my over peppy parents who don't ever take the time to really ask what's on my mind. I don't have any true friends any that I have called friends have done nothing but stab me in the back when they have needed me most. :x There is little that I appreciate in life I really don't give a flying dang about anyone or anything anymore. To tell the truth the only thing I care about is getting through life in one piece. Well it was what I wanted, till I tripped. Yeah it happened I can't turn it around I can't look back or it'll be a one way trip to a bullet in my back. So here I am now on the run from making the biggest mistake in my life, taking a life, a life that in the moment I had the gun at point blank range not thinking twice about the consequence I would end up paying but instead watching myself pull the triger and the light in the persons eyes slip away and blood spray on the white tiled walls. You've any idea the emotions that flow from your heart to your head when you make a stupid move like that?....The answer is..NO, no you don't, you can't even begin to imagine the hell that flowed through my blood as I ran for my life. There is only one simple reason I can tell you I did it though It was somebody elses dirty work and I was being paid for it. Yeah pretty messed up right? but not as messed up as what I was going to face in the next forty eight hours of the shooting. I'll skim you trough the hell I faced first their was a brutal beating involving my face and ribs. There was a fight involving me realizing my naive to cast such an act not thinking the price tag that would come along with it. There was no money I got screwd over big time. So tell me what is a kid to do at a time like this?


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Thu Dec 01, 2022 4:14 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

You wouldn't take me; a twelve year old, 5'2, black hair, blue eyed angel to be a murderer would you? Reasons why you wouldn't you may ask? I get straight A's, I am on an honor roll, Others look up to me, take it how you want to. Thats just the surface of my true self. I'll tell you what you'll see if you swim into the depths of my waters. I am alone, I hate waking up in the mornings, I dread talking to my over peppy parents who don't ever take the time to really ask what's on my mind. I don't have any true friends any that I have called friends have done nothing but stab me in the back when they have needed me most. :x There is little that I appreciate in life I really don't give a flying dang about anyone or anything anymore. To tell the truth the only thing I care about is getting through life in one piece. Well it was what I wanted, till I tripped. Yeah it happened I can't turn it around I can't look back or it'll be a one way trip to a bullet in my back. So here I am now on the run from making the biggest mistake in my life, taking a life, a life that in the moment I had the gun at point blank range not thinking twice about the consequence I would end up paying but instead watching myself pull the triger and the light in the persons eyes slip away and blood spray on the white tiled walls. You've any idea the emotions that flow from your heart to your head when you make a stupid move like that?....The answer is..NO, no you don't, you can't even begin to imagine the hell that flowed through my blood as I ran for my life. There is only one simple reason I can tell you I did it though It was somebody elses dirty work and I was being paid for it. Yeah pretty messed up right? but not as messed up as what I was going to face in the next forty eight hours of the shooting. I'll skim you trough the hell I faced first their was a brutal beating involving my face and ribs. There was a fight involving me realizing my naive to cast such an act not thinking the price tag that would come along with it. There was no money I got screwd over big time. So tell me what is a kid to do at a time like this?


Okayy...well before I get into this particular story, I kind of do have to stary by pointing out the paragraphing here, or rather the lack of paragraphing. Its currently a rather large wall of text here and its just a little hard to follow as a reader not to mention there is quite a lot that actually happens in the one paragraph so it could quite easily be split up into two or three smaller chunks here and I would very much recommend that be done on this one. As it stands the flow is fine, but its just not doing it much justice being in this one big chunk.

Moving past that issue though, this one's quite the story to take in. There's definitely a lot going on here that's just a bit more intense than it appears at first and it looks like we've really got ourselves into some powerful emotions there. You've done a really solid job as far as getting it all put together is concerned and Its quite a powerful picture being painted here. I think you're doing a great of trying to sell to us this character who was someone who supposedly led a rather innocent life but ended up then in a position to commit all of these many crimes. Its a pretty powerful little image here. It makes for this to be a rather powerful little study on how this sort of thing can happen to a person and what it can end up doing.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





Time is not your best friend - unless you use it wisely.
— Marco Pierre White