Okay, so this is the edited version of preface I submitted about a year ago and haven't touched since then. I wrote it today while I was waiting to be picked up from school, so I'm sure there are so problems I haven't caught yet. Please give constructive response, so I can fix it up and make it better.
Annie Arballo stood knee deep in the tossing waves, not noticing the wetness or the cold chill they brought with them, not feeling the icy wind that whipped her hair around her head and made her oversized t-shirt flutter and snap against her. She was aware only of the horrifying scene taking place less then ten feet out lake, causing the waves that slapped into her bare legs again and again. She wished it were cloudy, too dark to see the nightmare that she could not force herself to look away from, but the full moon shone down mercilessly from a clear night sky, illuminating with perfect clarity everything that she did not want to see, the nightmare that would haunt her for the rest of her life.
She would have given anything to be bigger, older, stronger, able to help her big brother fight this monster off, the way he had helped her so many times, but her small body stayed rooted in place. Even if she could have forced a response from her frozen muscles, it would have done no good. There was nothing else she could do now, except draw the monster’s attention to her and face the same terrible fate her brother was facing. There was nothing anyone could do now, even the faint sirens in the distance growing rapidly louder as they raced to help. They would be too late.
Annie did not realize she was screaming until her throat ached and all she could manage was a choked whisper of denial, did not know she was crying until she tasted the salt on her tongue. Already Mike had stopped coming up for air. The churning water slowed down as his struggles to stay alive grew weaker. Above the surface of the water, the monster Annie had not known existed bared her teeth, and the moonlight made it too easy to see the wild light in her eyes, that animalistic frenzy that lent strength to her muscles and dominated any rational thoughts. The monster's terrible excitement grew, peaked, and dimmed, as the struggles of the ten year old boy under the water grew feeble, and ultimately stopped.
This was a bad night to have a good imagination. Annie stared into the dark water, imagining she could see Mike’s body, bloated, purple lips, sinking deeper into the lake. In her mind she could see the long tendrils of weeds reaching up, pulling him down into their depths… She shuddered and looked up, locking eyes with the monster, who finally seemed to have come back to her surroundings enough to hear the now-deafening sirens, see the little girl standing almost within reach.
For a second, the monster reached out to Annie, confusions and disbelief clear in her eyes, her fingers curled into claws. Annie flinched away from her, praying the sirens would arrive before the monster could kill her, too. The monster saw Annie shrink away and dropped her hands, a spasm of pain shooting across her face. With a brief look to the east, where the flashing red and blue lights of an ambulance and two police cars were finally visible on the horizon, she turned and splashed deeper into the lake.
Annie thought she heard the monster exhale before plunging deep into the black water, making waves break against Annie’s legs again, and raising goosebumps on the already icy skin. By the time the sirens arrived, the water was as flat and calm as black glass, reflecting the peaceful moon in a starry sky. Annie’s mother did not resurface.