Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was a very well-writtten story even though it felt incomplete to me. I liked the way you established the two characters by slowly introducing the scene to us and then pulling the characters in. There was an intimacy about the scene - it was as if we were glimpsing into something both private and fleeting, waiting for the moment the bubble would burst and this blissful scene of peace and contentment would end with something tragic taking place instead.
Even though we do not get to spend much time with the characters, we can form some idea about the relationship they share with each other. However, I did not understand Edwin's role in the story. It is obvious that he cares for Faina and does not particularly like her relationship with the king. Its still not enough to understand where he is coming from in the story and I feel like you need to better explain the motivations that are guiding him.
Edwin jumped from the balcony to the side of the palace to the ground.
This sudden change in the voice of narration from Faina to Edwin was unexpected and it threw me off for a while. The switch was so sudden and complete that I was confused for a second as I tried to catch up with this new voice and the change in pace, tone and mood. Try to make it more seamless so that it does not disrupt the flow of your narration but is still truthful to the voice of your two different characters.
Now, coming back to the ending, I liked the last line especially because of the hidden meaning behind the words. We can see that Edwin literally means what he says as he had been spying on them all afternoon. The words seemed to be chosen with intent and care and its a thrilling note to end your story on. However, I still felt like we got cut off in the middle of a scene. I wanted to see what happened next, if Edwin would really go through with his plans, but I guess we will have to settle for this ambiguous ending.
Its still a rather good story even when its not always clear what we are supposed to take from it.
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
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Reviews: 659
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