Published December 1, 2007
Exhilarating Monotony
I watched Jim wipe the incalculable amount of sweat from his brow. His fingers were coarse against the rubber steering wheel. That’s bad for your cuticles. Jim couldn't lose his cuticles now! He was so young! He saw a bee bang against the windshield.
That bee could be a killer bee! Jim rolled up the window. Hopefully it isn’t one of those mutated bees that could eat through glass, I thought. They had been discovered in... Canada? Oh, wait, it was Yuanambia. Yup.
He turned left onto Wilmot Ave. There are gangs on Wilmot Ave! Gangs are bad! Turn around, Jim! Luckily, Jim didn’t know about the “Bigfoot” sighting across the street from Wilmot. That would have been pure terror for him. I kew it was for me. He would have lost control of the car. I’d have to take over. I’d swear I could hear something growling from behind a trashcan. Something big! With teeth, too! Of course, I couldn't see it, but I had a gut feeling it could rip me to shreads.
I diverted my mind from that problem. Of the millions of potholes on Wilmot, any one of them could have launched Jim’s car several hundred feet in the air. It was on an episode of LegendBusters Every. Little. Pothole. One was coming up!
I yelled at the top of my lungs. The car screeched to a halt.
“What?”, he asked.
Jim should be glad I’m such a good friend. I spared him the horrible news that we were about to be launched in the air, and into the cliff. OMG! Where was my helmet! I started to freak out again. Why had I been so stupid!
We were going again, and I found a nice spot under the seat and got into the fetal position.
Would we ever get home!?
Jim let out long sigh. He was bored, in the middle of all this! Oh, no, the bee was back!
Finally, we were back at 93 Wilmot. I couldn’t wait for the side door to open, and leaped out the window.
“That is the last time I take my dog to work.”
Well you’re no walk in the park either, buddy!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,277 Literary Works • 673,071 Reviews
Hey!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This story made me laugh out loud. I was so confused at first as I had no idea where you were planning to go with this. The narration felt a little strange to me until the very ending when the story suddenly fell into the right perspective and everything started to make sense. You have really succeeded in surprising your readers and presenting something absolutely hilarious here.
At first, I thought that we were following a paranoid person's thoughts. Nothing else explained the random thoughts that seemed to be doused in fear and apprehension. The narrator was so on edge at all times, that I was honestly wondering if they had gone through something tragic that had resulted in this paranoia or if they had been like this their whole life. Still, I loved the casual way you presented his thoughts, the exclamations making us laugh and roll our eyes at the same time.
On a totally unrelated note, how does a dog know about killer mutated bees? I mean it is very obvious that this is a highly intelligent dog but specifications such as the location where the bees had been discovered is taking it too far.
The nature of these thoughts made me feel as if we were following a child narrator here. No matter how paranoid a person is, I don't think that they will imagine a beast to be after them. They would be paranoid but they would still hold some semblance of logic in their paranoid thoughts. After understanding the ending, these exclamations take on a totally different light and then they really made me laugh.
Also, I think you meant 'shreds' here. I don't really think 'shreads' mean anything.
The ending completely took me by surprise. I honestly had not expected the story to go down this way, but this was the best kind of surprise a person could get. The paranoia which had been the central theme of the story to me until then took on a more affectionate turn. Jim's exasperation and his lack of reaction at his paranoia suddenly made sense to me and I fell in love with the bond between them. Maybe the dog was being paranoid not only because he is not used to travelling in cars, but also because he does not want anything to happen to Jim either.
Overall, this was hilarious and light and I absolutely loved it. There's nothing I would change about it. Thank you for sharing this story and making my day!
Keep writing and have a great day!
This sounds interesting!
Cubicles? Aren't those like, stalls in a bathroom? Weird. Ahhh...did you mean to say 'Cuticles'?
I'm pretty sure that there's no need for a comma after the dialogue.
-----------------------
That was freakin' hilarious!
Lol, I loved that. I didn't know it was a dog until the end!
The dog was paranoid, right? Or maybe all dogs are like that. I don't know. *shrugs*
But anyways, that was so cool!
Keep up the great work,
Ayra
P•S•- Um...are there really glass-eating killer bees in Canada? I...I live in Canada! *curls into fetal position on her chair*