Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this was quite a fun little tale. Very simple idea but with characters who really feel like they have a lot of weight behind them of many many years there. I think you've done a wonderful job constructing this.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The thunder screamed at me. What a lovely sound.
The rain kissed the pavement and trees welcomely waved. Starla said she wanted to meet at my place because she didn’t like my driving, which gave me enough time to gather up all my supplies for the Clock. A sizeable dent was left in the wall after the door slammed open. Starla stood in the doorway, the wind carrying the wetness onto the carpet. Despite the rain, her hair stayed as big as the Shenandoah mountains. She wore a purple dress that fell off her shoulders with makeup that covered almost every natural feature of her face.
Her dark eyes pierced me through my glasses, a light strike in her sparkling iris, followed by a crack.
“We have to do it tonight. We can go to the dance, to show our faces. I’ll get my ladder.”
She stared at me, giving me the slightest nod.
“You look pretty, Star.”
Ooooh now that's quite the start there, I absolutely adore the way you set the scene with that thunder, the atmospheric vibes are quite incredible and that just transitions beautifully into this start, the description again working wonders there.
They were putting up the prom banner across the front of the school during lunch. Starla and I watched as she lay on my lap. I ate my turkey sandwich gazing not at the banner, but above, where the Clock was. I knew I could get up there. Starla had told me stories of kids bringing ladders to get up after hours. She necked a dude up there once.
“How far can you see from the Clock?” I asked with bread still in my mouth.
“Pretty far. I could see all the city lights, like little fairies.”
I was beginning to think it was the perfect place for a storm. If I got it just right, I think I could really do it. Given, a one-in-one-point-two million chance, but I really think I could do it.
“Y’know that newspaper I keep by my bed?” She nodded. “Have you read it?”
Hmm well these two definitely have a strong relationship here, you can tell they've been friends for quite some time from the conversation alone and I love the casual nature of the way you describe them hanging, it really shows how comfortable they are with each other.
“Sure I have. I mean Mr. Morrison talks about it all the time. It was seven times right?”
Roy Sullivan lived just a town away from us. I remember when the paper came out about his story. He was a ranger at Shenandoah Park and got struck seven times in his lifetime. I was stoked when I read it. I had grown up going to the park, kayaking and hiking and such. I had walked the same paths as a real-life superhuman.
“I wanna do that,” I said, still looking at the Clock ticking at me.
“Not even. Really?!” She got up from my lap and looked at me with her eyes so wide open I couldn’t see her blue eyeshadow anymore.
Oooh this is an interesting little moment, almost a bit of a wager kind of moment going down here and I love the vibes it creates as a result there. I think it really sells their relationship well.
“I think if I can do that. Then I can do anything, right?”
“Then you have to go to the prom with me.”
I had been adamant about how I wasn’t going. Starla knew I wasn’t one to go to school dances or anything really. I agreed to go with her because I knew that Starla wasn’t the one to date guys who would take her to school dances.
Oooh well it certainly looks like the stage is set for a pretty big moment there on this particular clock. Love the way this whole conversation is set up establishing their connection and comfort with each other an then going right for that. It works quite well.
Let’s Dance rattled my eyes through the speakers. We held hands as we walked around the dimly lit gym.
tick tick tick tick
The Clock infested my ears, calling me to go up there. No one in this gym knew they were walking the same ground as me, their brains couldn’t comprehend what I knew. I knew that when I got struck by lightning I would be superhuman.
Quickly after the dance had started we made our way back to my car. I kept a duffle bag with my kite and wire and handed it to Starla. My tux was soaking wet as I carried the ladder behind the trees. We climbed up, the wind flashing Starla’s panties at me every chance it got. I started to wrap the wire around the kite.
Ooooh well this is definitely getting more and more intense the further we go along this plan, I love the way you really manage to sell the power of the things around them here and how much of an achievement it is to keep going here.
“This is gnarly.” She said, shouting to overpower nature’s voice.
I ignored her ditzy comment, the kite wasn’t flying. Maybe I had put too much wire. I kept wiping my glasses, but it did nothing. The thunder broke my ears, taunting me.
“It isn’t working!” She shouted and I ignored her. She got closer, “It isn’t working!” I ignored. She got right in my face, “It’s not working!”
“I can fucking see that. Get out of my way.”
“You’re acting nuts! I know it's because you have a crush on Mr. Morrison.”
Well that was turning into quite the entertaining bit of banter there, these two definitely have a long and storied history that honestly I would really like to know more about.
Just then, an angel blew the largest gust of wind I have felt. My kite pulled me up so hard I might’ve grown wings. I looked at the sun, burning all the darkness out of view. The heat dried up my suit, the soft breeze cleared my glasses.
Down the water, I saw a kayak as the birds sang the sweet sound of love. Fish chased each other through the clear stream, bubbles harmonizing with the birds. Lionel Richie appeared to be pushing the kayak along, he wore Starla’s puffy dress and took my hand. His complexion shined as hers did in the rain, but instead of drips, it was the stars. He gave me an embrace on the kayak, telling me that I had done it.
Ooooh there we go, lovely moment to end on I think, with the connection back to the start. I think it works wonderfully in the moment and we get a lovely glimpse of a soft little ending.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall a beautiful little tale, the kind that gets your attention quite quick, gets you all excited there towards the middle and leaves you with a big smile on your face and what more could you ask for?
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Points: 293831
Reviews: 4238
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