Hello! Your neighborhood Angie here to leave a review!
This is an amazing first chapter! The way you draw the reader in and introduce them to the world is amazingly written. It isn't wordy or packed with information, but it isn't too short to leave out necessary information. I was instantly hooked from the very beginning. Which is where I'll start.
"'Do you know why people scare me more than the zombies?'" is an excellent beginning quote. Most people would definitely be more afraid of zombies, so someone contrasting that instantly draws attention and sparks curiosity in the reader.
"'People let fear control them, zombies just do what they want' his small voice responds back to me. A silence falls between us, I listen to his breathing until it evens out. I watch the stars as they make their trek across the sky." I love this paragraph here. It's so stubbornly true, fear does control people. Also, the contrast between Theo's small youth and his wise nature makes for a very interesting and liked character. Finally, the way you described the silence and stars leaves a peaceful tone, compared to the anxious tone the subject of zombies brings. It makes for a very bittersweet introduction.
I love how you describe the lives of the two children. It adds a deeper connection between the two, and a deeper protective instinct the main character has for Theo. They've obviously been through a lot together, and life has been rough. There's really only one question that I had: How did the adoptive families treat the main character and Theo? The only real description of how bad these adoptive families were was the way they chose not to care for them in the end. I found myself wondering if the families ignored them or abused them.
Finally, the final paragraph. It sets the reader up and lets them know what they will be reading, all while hooking them in even more. And I LOVE the final sentence. It's the final nail in the coffin, sealing the reader's fate to continue on in the story. "I won't however talk about the day My little brother, my Theo, was killed by people who we believed we could trust to watch our backs." Though the narrator says they won't, it sounds much like the narrator eventually will. Adding "my Theo" shows just how deep the narrator's love is toward their brother, and just how heartbroken they are about his eventual murder.
This is an excellently written story, it perfectly draws the reader in and introduces the story to come. Amazing job!!
Points: 168
Reviews: 7
Donate