Hello!! It's mint, here for another review. xD It looks like we have an additional complication here with the "malfunctioning" screen... I'm excited to see how that develops alongside Safi and Sera's training! Anyways, I'll just get right to it.
Safi just shook her head before, almost out of instinct by the looks of it before she took a deep breath and answered with a quiet. “No. Thank you.”
Hmm, so now I'm wondering if something happened to Safi between graduation from the academy and the present. Serafina seems to be expecting Safi to speak up, but Safi's internal thoughts seem very underconfident. Or is it just being thrust into a new situation? Perhaps Safi's more book smart, and she feels unprepared for this job??
Why don’t you explore the area? I’ll just hang back here.”
It seems like Kate, Vankous, and Ray are pretty high-ranking within this organization. So... does Ray not have anything better to do? Or is he really keeping an eye on the two new agents? >.>
Serafina tried to catch Safi’s eye but she was already wandering off towards the front of the room. There was an odd sense of purpose to the way she walked that contrasted so much with the way she’d been acting so far.
Interesting, interesting. You're doing a wonderful job of keeping the reader interested in the story so far! I can't wait to find out what Safi was walking towards when we return to her perspective. xD I feel like it's a 50/50 chance whether she was walking towards something that really looked important, or just some random object...
Just a nitpick here-- "wandering" and "sense of purpose" seem to be contradictory. Maybe you could replace "wandering" with something more confident like "striding"? c:
a very quick glance at Ray who for all intents and purposes looked like he was casually browsing something on his wrist communicator.
Side note, but I'd enjoy learning more about the technology here! xD It seems like this is a fairly advanced place. (I'm curious-- is the wrist communicator like an Apple watch, or does it have some kind of holographic screen, or is it something else entirely? I personally have an Apple watch, and it's difficult to scroll through it and actually gain information, just because the screen size is small, lol.)
There was a loud “HONK” from the screen and the two operators sitting in front of jumped.
Don't mind me thinking of geese here... -_-
Its technically an active site that we are supposed to monitor but well even when I got my training, which was some time ago, well the agent on duty said that we should not bother staring at the center because…”
Hmm... could this be the site from the Prologue...? And what do they mean by "active site"? >.> Magically active? Active as in dangerous? 0.0
Curly Hair shrugged. “I mean this could just be, I don’t know, a broken light? Random misclick?”
Somehow I doubt that.
“Agent Hardy here. Please tell me this isn’t about the ice cream machine on floor seven again. We will get it fixed. I promise. And no, I’m not mad that you reached out to the head of M.M.R.C about an ice cream machine. Like I said the last five times, I do agree that is a galaxy wide emergency that we’re out of ice cream on an entire floor. Gotta keep people happy if you want to keep a universe safe.”
Omg. XDD It's awesome how you keep incorporating humor into this novel! This agency seems like a fabulous mix of serious (as in, they deal with serious, universe-endangering problems) and wacky. Although I am 100% in agreement that fixing the ice cream machine is essential. =P
Keep writing, and I hope you have a terrific day/night! =D
Points: 22538
Reviews: 245
Donate